Help How to figure out if ctb is right for me?

[FlowersforJuno]

I know this might be a harder question to answer as it varies from person to person. I have had suicidal ideation for years and I just am unsure on how to keep going or if I even want to keep going. For those who plan to ctb eventually, how did you find out that it was the best decision for you? I am not asking this to try and change or sway anyone's opinions or decisions either, as I am just trying to figure out what would be the best for me. This is my first post so sorry if it is too vague or not articulated the greatest >_<

 

[OkayFine]

Too many data points, I guess. Too many attempts to recover or find another way that didn't work. I think ppl have a sense for when something isn't worth the pain and effort, and life just isn't worth it to me, you know? I'm a coward though and keep backing out on my attempts. I suppose if you still have options, maybe try them. But at a certain point they're all exhausted or those that remain simply aren't worth trying. Not sure if this answers your question.

 

[FlowersforJuno]

Too many data points, I guess. Too many attempts to recover or find another way that didn't work. I think ppl have a sense for when something isn't worth the pain and effort, and life just isn't worth it to me, you know? I'm a coward though and keep backing out on my attempts. I suppose if you still have options, maybe try them. But at a certain point they're all exhausted or those that remain simply aren't worth trying. Not sure if this answers your question.

it definitely helps! I've also been cowardly with past attempts and haven't been able to get through with it. There are so many days where I do want to die but I get scared of what's after it (even though realistically I think there's nothing) or I get anxious about how people will react, but those same people have also hurt me with their actions or words to where its led me to believe that ctb is my only way out of this hell hole. It's a nuanced thing as all things are of course.

 

[ladylazarus4]

If there's any question at all, give life another shot. Death will always be there for you if you need it. If you try to live/get better/etc and it doesn't work out, you can always die; if you die now, you'll never get another chance.
You're not cowardly for being scared of death, that's the most basic human nature. No one can make this decision for you. It's the biggest decision of one's life.

 

[lilli_188]

It's hard to say, but I feel there is always a reason to keep going if you're still unsure. The fact that you aren't sure if you want to keep going is enough to say you may still want to stay. This is not to sway your decisions at all, just a thought.

Ultimately, you might benefit from staying a bit longer to see if this will pass, or hell, maybe even you'll be cured! Either way, uncertainty could lead to regret, and that's not what anyone wants.

Best of luck to you, may you find peace in whatever you pursue.

 

[PanaxMan]

I know this might be a harder question to answer as it varies from person to person. I have had suicidal ideation for years and I just am unsure on how to keep going or if I even want to keep going. For those who plan to ctb eventually, how did you find out that it was the best decision for you? I am not asking this to try and change or sway anyone's opinions or decisions either, as I am just trying to figure out what would be the best for me. This is my first post so sorry if it is too vague or not articulated the greatest >_<

Well it depends on life circumstances. Emotional trauma to PTSD to mental disorders to trust issues l. If you don't think you can heal then you tend to lean towards accepting death. Other issues out of your control plus regrets as well. If those other issues cause you to change rapidly in a way you don't want to move then you also lean towards death. After all we are all unique and certain life circumstances tend to drive that leaning towards death. But even then small things could also push that lean towards death

 

[thehorizons]

This is context dependent, is your ideation based on a feeling or some thoughts you have that make you depress and want to CTB? Before my illnesses, I've kind of played around with the idea of CTB-ing but it never was extreme like registering for a SaSu account, looking for methods, etc.

Granted the thought of me suffering from the advanced oral cancer without being able to treat is making me depressed and it could be argued that it's still in my head just like when I wasn't ill. If you're in the second category cause you're thinking about CTB-ing because of your thoughts and you're not ill, then deep in my soul I believe you can change. Sometimes it takes a finding a new hobby and greating recognition for it, other times it could be just meeting some old friends and having a drink to talk about the good times, or hearing some good music that inspires you.

My decision to CTB is based on doing this for myself and my parents (I don't want to be a burden to them). But then again, maybe, it's my fate to suffer from the illnesses. I'm a strong believer of fate now cause I suffer from a neurological disorder that makes me essentially unable to take anesthesia, so I can't treat the oral cancer down the line even if I wanted to. My disorder and cancer happend under a year and when things were looking very good for me in my life, so it's hard not believe in fate if anyone isn't in my position. I have a lot to contemplate on these days. Whatever I decide though, it was already pre-planned. Whatever you decide too, it's already pre-planned. You might come across something inspiring that prevents you to CTB or you might not. Stick around longer if you feel like you can.