Help How to feel motivated to change things?

[d-tea]

I bet there probably has been a thread about this at some point but I can't seem to find it.
I don't have any internal drive to change things. I'm not happy or content at the moment, but I also don't want to ctb. I do believe things can get better and I too, can be happy with my life. I am motivated to not get worse because I want the people in my life to be well and I also don't want to feel really bad, again. I am terrified of losing my partner because they wouldn't be able to handle me relapsing. I know I need to get therapy to deal with some stuff I experienced. I went to a first appointment, an evaluation. I never took the next steps necessary to actually get therapy. Where do I get motivation from when I don't actually want any change? It's uncomfortable to call and to even seriously consider doing it and also driving there and talking to anyone, it makes me feel out if place and nervous, it's so discouraging and uncomfortable that I can't be bothered, even though I know this is probably not feasible, long term.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I find I have to frighten myself into doing things. So- really picture the worst case scenario if you don't change. Also- take baby steps if you can. Would you be more comfortable texting or emailing with a therapist? Maybe some will provide a service like that. Plus- know that anything you try isn't necessarily forever. If you find it doesn't work or, makes things worse- you can stop or, try something else. I think it's also worth telling a therapist that you struggle with change, so- need to move slowly. Good luck!

 

[MessyNonsense]

I had another thought after reading your reply on my thread (totally fair about not being interested in what I suggested. If you're not down with it you're not down with it and I won't push any further). But my thought was: do you have anyone in your life who could make appointments for you? It sounds like one of your main obstacles is the actual making of the appointments, if that burden were taken off you would that help?

Would you be more comfortable texting or emailing with a therapist? Maybe some will provide a service like that.

This! And not just texting or emailing - If I had a nickel for all the therapy apps I keep seeing ads for... sure some of them might be crappy, but it could be a jumping off point

 

[iguazo falls]

i think i would identify whats causing you the most friction towards doing what you need to. one of those frictions seem to be travel; is telehealth a viable option for you? i think going to an evaluation is a HUGE step, its pretty hard to be open to a stranger and be well evaluated. do you feel that shame is holding you back? why don't you want to change? (not in an accusatory tone but i mean to open up, for me it was hard to grapple with not having as much help as i thought i would, and i still have trouble reconciling with myself about being wrong)

i think some other things too is that you might never "feel ready" to change, and change doesn't have to always be huge. when you try something you'll either tackle with and adapt to that thing, or decide you will move on to something else or try again another time, but at least you have knowledge of what worked and what didn't. do you know what kind of therapy you would like to engage with? would it be helpful for you to research worksheets or papers about what mode of therapy you are looking at? regardless i believe its best to work with yourself and not against yourself.

 

[d-tea]

I had another thought after reading your reply on my thread (totally fair about not being interested in what I suggested. If you're not down with it you're not down with it and I won't push any further). But my thought was: do you have anyone in your life who could make appointments for you? It sounds like one of your main obstacles is the actual making of the appointments, if that burden were taken off you would that help?


This! And not just texting or emailing - If I had a nickel for all the therapy apps I keep seeing ads for... sure some of them might be crappy, but it could be a jumping off point

I had a friend try once, but there weren't any free appointments. It's a lot of work to actually get a therapy spot here and I wouldn't really wanna put that on someone else, it's less uncomfortable to just do that alone although that is still hugely uncomfortable.

i think i would identify whats causing you the most friction towards doing what you need to. one of those frictions seem to be travel; is telehealth a viable option for you? i think going to an evaluation is a HUGE step, its pretty hard to be open to a stranger and be well evaluated. do you feel that shame is holding you back? why don't you want to change? (not in an accusatory tone but i mean to open up, for me it was hard to grapple with not having as much help as i thought i would, and i still have trouble reconciling with myself about being wrong)

i think some other things too is that you might never "feel ready" to change, and change doesn't have to always be huge. when you try something you'll either tackle with and adapt to that thing, or decide you will move on to something else or try again another time, but at least you have knowledge of what worked and what didn't. do you know what kind of therapy you would like to engage with? would it be helpful for you to research worksheets or papers about what mode of therapy you are looking at? regardless i believe its best to work with yourself and not against yourself.

The thing is, I have no actual desire and motivation to do anything. Small, hedonistic things, yes, but no need for anything long term. It would simply require effort and be uncomfortable and that's already enough to keep me from doing it because I don't REALLY want it. How do you even start wanting that, for yourself?

 

[chillino]

You might want to watch the movie
Finding Joe, that might motivate you, its available on youtube for free