Venting how to escape ?

[disjointed]

my dad is so, idk if abusive is the right word but he's something. i've tried to forgive when it's better. i try to move on. why do i always have to be the bigger person? i hate that i can't afford to move out. i feel so out of options. everything hurts.

i feel like im his human punching bag for him to shove and push around. my chest and shoulders and back are covered with bruises.

even the small, tiny things i was looking forward to i feel like have been ripped away from me. i was looking forward to the weather warming up so i could wear a pretty dress i worked up the confidence to buy. i had plans to wear it to class tomorrow but the bruises are in easily visible areas.

this has been my life for so long. at least when i was a kid, he had the sense to hit me in places i could easily cover.

i've tried to die so many times to escape this. i've been in the hospital so many times. i'm so fucking tired and i hate hospitals and they still feel better than this.

i'd go drink the fucking nitrites right now i'm so done but i just wish i knew HOW to fucking get them??? at least so i can die in a dignified way before my dad makes good on his threats and kills me.

 

[yeaimhere13]

1. yes, your dad is abusive
2. please get that man behind bars before you let his abuse kill you
3. im sorry

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Yeah, your dad is abusive. If he is physically harming you and it isn't in self-defence or anything then he is abusing you. If possible, you should try moving away from him. Are there any abuse resources in your areas that you could try getting in contact with? Do you think that you have any friends or family members who you feel safe enough to stay with?

 

[disjointed]

1. yes, your dad is abusive
2. please get that man behind bars before you let his abuse kill you
3. im sorry

so hard when i've never told anyone in my life :( . i feel like i don't have any options but to just die. i'm tired of it and i'm tired of my whole body hurting . i wish i at least had someone to talk to

 

[Pale_Rider]

Your dad is an asshole. Wear your dress!