Help How to deal with regret and guilt?

[gu1klh]

hello guys,

I'm looking for some advice on how to overcome regret and guilt in a relationship. I've done and said things that broke trust and were very hurtful and painful for my boyfriend. Yes, i have to suffer because I caused it, but I really feel so bad and it's eating me alive. I agree that I should suffer to some extend but I don't think I should want to end myself because of it. None of it was cheating btw, it was mostly just me saying hurtful things, words I can't take back now. Words that hurt him.

I would just kinda like to know how you guys deal with such things. I'm not looking for way to end myself here, I don't want that (right now). I just want to be able to make peace with what I did and what I said.

 

[Little_Suzy]

You don't need to punish yourself, given that you have acknowledged your wrongdoing. Be kind to yourself and those you care about; after all, you should treat others the way you want to be treated.

I remember being young and feisty, saying hurtful things I didn't mean when provoked. Then it's thrown back in your face, and you feel misunderstood because you said things you didn't mean in the heat of the moment.

You're right—you can't take words back—so cool this relationship and figure out why you enjoy hurting others. Start fresh!

When you're arguing, try to disengage and focus on the disagreement rather than verbal combat; petty name-calling and cheap shots.

This is a matter of maturity, and you must learn now or risk being alone, because no one wants to be in a relationship with someone who is angry, psychologically abusive, or vindictive.

If you identify as Cluster B or are a narcissist, seek help with emotional dysregulation and socializing. You've admitted your mistakes and expressed remorse for your abusive behavior. It important to be self-aware, accept responsibility, learn to apologize, and continue to learn and grow. You're human!

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think maybe you need to think about why you said the things you did. Are there underlying annoyances that you could talk through more gently with him? Did you mean any of the things you said?

It sounds like you've already punished yourself a lot though. Presumably you've said sorry? I think the main thing is to make sure you don't do it again. Was it something that triggered you? I would have thought talking it all through with him would be the best thing though. But, sadly- we simply can't take things back. Do you often feel yourself about to say something you might regret? Maybe you need to recognise in yourself when you need to get away from a conversation/argument and think.