Help How to deal with bitchy mom?

[myhoney]

Hi yall. Hasn't been long since my last post. Recently my mom broke her arm so she's been needing me to do stuff for her. However, she treats me like garabage. I have late night classes on days she needs me to go to appointments with her, but she bitches at me that I'm 'skipping school' and that I 'need to live in reality'. She also goes on these long rants about my sleep schedule even though its been fucked because she needs me to get up at odd hours to go with her to the hospital. Does anyone know how I can get back at her? Right now I'm refusing to go with her to appointments, but I want to make her regret being mean to me all the time. She treats me worse than what I've offered here, won't get into details but she's the whole reason I have so many anger issues and SI. Moving out isn't really an option as I don't have a job (trust me I've searched) and am heavily mentally unwell (I feel like I'd do something bad and get fired...). Any advice? How do I make my mom scared of bitching at me without her calling the police?

 

[aufrechtm7]

Do not do anything violent or things that would otherwise compromise her safety or wellbeing…

The truth is there's no way to win in this scenario, the objective shouldn't be to make her scared of you and you're probably not going to get a desirable outcome from this but I would just do tasks as usual and refuse to engage verbally.

 

[myhoney]

Do not do anything violent or things that would otherwise compromise her safety or wellbeing…

The truth is there's no way to win in this scenario, the objective shouldn't be to make her scared of you and you're probably not going to get a desirable outcome from this but I would just do tasks as usual and refuse to engage verbally.

thanks, I didn't really think of doing anything bad, I'm just tired of her bullying me all the time. Especially when I'm doing her a favor

 

[NormallyNeurotic]

Unfortunately, "getting back at her" won't achieve anything good. If she is using you as an unpaid, overworked caretaker, just make sure to keep boundaries. Try not to engage with any arguments or comments she makes.

 

[aufrechtm7]

thanks, I didn't really think of doing anything bad, I'm just tired of her bullying me all the time. Especially when I'm doing her a favor

I get it, I've been verbally harassed by my mother as long as I can remember. I have multiple siblings, we all tried to argue with her and show her why she's wrong for years. You just have to accept it and learn how to deal with it as shitty as it sounds.

 

[Forveleth]

As other have said, boundaries and non-engagement. Usually people like that love the arguing and want control. Standing up for yourself and refusing to stoop to their level is actually more damaging to them than fear tactics and threats. Treating them like the petulant children they are really gets under their skin and that is oh so much fun.

 

[fishperson]

Just pretend she is not there

 

[cbtvvxxvvv]

its a lose lose situation dealing with toxic ass parents. best thing to do is avoid and create distance between you guys. idk if your living with her still but maybe focusing on moving into your own place could help.

sorry to hear about this my mom acts the same way

 

[FoxSauce]

Try not to engage dont say anything so she doesn't use that against you or anything.
As shitty as it sounds dont take her words to heart.

Ik its super shitty but is the best thing to do
Less words you exchange with her she wont do somwthing like kick your out or worse.

 

[webb&flow]

the issue is you suffering from her behavior

to minimize this, minimize interaction with her

getting back often has the effect of making us feel worse

therefore, it's in our best interests to try and deescalate as much as we can, focusing on getting it over with asap so we can do what we love most.

the issue is not "settling the score" but trying to make yourself feel better. we think revenge will make us feel better, but it often makes us feel worse.

That's my own opinion. For the science on the matter of anger, I highly recommend this excellently sourced article from The Conversation. Cheers. Hope this helps

Chilling out rather than blowing off steam is a better way to manage anger − new review of 154 studies reveals what works

Activities such as deep breathing, muscle relaxation, yoga and meditation help people manage their anger, according to a meta-analysis of studies involving more than 10,000 participants.

theconversation.com

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she bitches at me that [this] and [that]. She also goes on these long rants about [XYZ].

Whenever she starts rambling at you, leave the room immediately. The best way to deal with her is not at all.