How suicidal do you consider yourself at the moment as a percentage?

[Kavka]

Here is my analysis on how suicidal I am right now.

• I've been passively suicidal throughout (most of) my life and I'm actively suicidal for months now. + 60%
• I'm actively planning for it and I have the means. + 20% (80%)
• I'm not really interested in preventing CTB as an end in itself and trying to live at all cost. + 10% (90%)
• The future doesn't play a major role anymore in my decisions. I often wonder if I'd still be there when thinking about the (near) future. + 20% (110%)
• I think resignation, which slowly changes to acceptance, best describes my average mood these days. + 10% (120%)
• I'm don't think that I and (my) life is ever going to fundamentally change (for the better). + 30% (150%)
• I'm not in a hurry though and I don't have a specific date set. - 20% (130%)
• Small changes and improvements may statistically still be possible and I'm still open to try new things if they have a reasonable expected ROI. - 10% (120%)
• I'm still curious, interested in things and able to enjoy (some) things in life. It's getting harder though, as my appetite for life has dwindled. - 15% (105%)
• I have never been so suicidal, but I've definitely felt (much) worse in the past. I can't hold on like this forever, but I can hold on a little longer. - 20% (85%)
• I love people in my life and I'm pretty sure they love me too. I'm not sure if my life is bad enough right now to justify the negative impact it will have on them. - 30% (55%).

Conclusion: I'm a walking contraction. I feel like this analysis doesn't take me and my feelings seriously enough though, so I'm going to round it up to 70% just to show that I'm serious!

 

[thebelljarrr]

I would say 100% if I had any means, I see no chance of not doing it so I'll go w 90%

 

[MettleSpirit41]

Somewhere between 55-70% all the time. Depends very much on the day actually.

 

[rozeske]

98%

 

[Heaven_Awaits]

80%

 

[snowflake1230]

60-80%. tried strangle myself few times couldnt find carotids if only i knew a way i can ctb in peace i would definitely do it right away i dont have any last message or anything of any sort.

 

[DefinitelyReady]

Well I had to rate it on a scale of 1-5 with therapist today. I said 3 and didn't mention my packet of sn.

85-98% - don't have my stuff ready or finalized. That takes time. Plus, sn is my preferred nethod.

Not***

 

[Dgafajwd]

95%

 

[annique]

90%, peaking at 100% throughout the day.

 

[LifeIsBS]

95%, can ramp up to 100% anyday.

 

[ToMoveOn]

95%, can ramp up to 100% anyday.

I feel the exact same way.

 

[bitofftoomuch]

In high school, I was solidly between 50-75%. I didn't want to live, and I knew i didn't want to live, but I couldn't be arsed to plan anything.

In undergrad I'd say 40-60 the first three years. My breakdown in year 4 was probably 85. I pulled it together and graduated year 5 somewhere in the 40s. Coasted in the 40s for a few years. Found support and love and rebirth when I moved for grad school. By 2023 I had gotten it probably as low as 20% or even 0 on the really good days, but I've made colossal interpersonal mistakes in the past few months that I'll likely never recover from. So now it's 85 again. Was probably 90 last week.

 

[idontfeellikeimreal]

I'd say about 50/50 right now. Both living and CTB scare me equally, so I just exist one day at the time without settling on either option.

I absolutely agree with this, same.

 

[doingitrighthistime]

60%

 

[Vivir_O_No]

Below 50% we can consider it passive ideation for convenience, in theory with 0% you are pro-life while with 100% you are practically about to do it so evaluate the answers carefully.

I think I oscillate between 40% and 80%, some time ago I would even say 90%, having managed to overcome the SI one night I could even say 100% but only that evening.

100% right now.

 

[ChiseHatori]

60-75%? It's hard to say...

 

[misatosdiary]

"only" about 40%

 

[mikgazer6]

40% right now, probably 30-60 average

 

[DeathPaloma]

Right now I think 40% . It's always in the back of my mind, but idk maybe too numb to be active about it at all

 

[ham and potatoes]

At the moment, like 25%. But a few months ago it was much, much higher than that.
Hopefully I can keep lowering that number....

 

[mark404]

30% - 70%. I'm thinking of going with carbon monoxide but can't overcome my SI.

 

[broth0100]

60%

 

[sugarb]

I generally hover at 50-60% but I hit 90-100% (mentally ready to CTB) at some point during just about every day. I occasionally dip below 30% (wanting to wake up the next day) if something interesting is going on.

 

[thealteredmind]

90%
once this year ends... 100%

 

[Theresnoescape]

I would say 75%, if it wasn't for my son I think I'd be gone by now.

 

[MaximusDecimus]

At this moment in time, probably around 30%. But I'm about 90% sure I'll die by my own hand sometime in the next few years.

 

[-nobodyknows-]

It varies significantly. When I'm with people I trust it sometimes drops all the way down to 0 ("these people are great and they seem to care about me; I want to do my best to deal with things so that it doesn't hurt them"), but at other times it gets to a solid 100 where I'd absolutely do something if I had the means to in that moment.

I find that the less time I spend around such people, the higher it gets. Unfortunately I'm in a spot where I probably won't be able to spend as much time with them, which worries me.

Then again, I also feel quite guilty about it. It feels like I'm using them, and I don't like that.

 

[thanatos444]

Varies from 30% to 60%.

 

[Blurry_Buildings]

65

 

[Pyxel]

A mix between 40% & 80% depending on how the day goes.