Discussion How suicidal are you?

[Jodes]

Like, if you go to a BBQ restaurant, and automatically think about climbing in the giant smoker type of thinking?

I'm a chicken, but still, broke off a bit of metal to jam in a socket for quicker (??) death

 

[Jodes]

11 I am already dead.

What do you mean?

 

[Jodes]

Yes, Xerxes. Almost anything.... Xerxes, sorry i can't type anymore, i've a strong convulsions and i am extremely terryfied of making a stupid mistake.. i am sorry Xerxes

He's taking the piss out of someone

 

[Pegasus]

Seven. Guys, i literally NEED to kill myself. Everytime i look at something i begin to actually THINK how exactly i can use it to end my life. Sounds familiar to anyone ?

I think that type of thinking is called "call of the void".

 

[Jodes]

I think that type of thinking is called "call of the void".

Doesnt sound urgent

 

[Xerxes]

Yes, Xerxes. Almost anything.... Xerxes, sorry i can't type anymore, i've a strong convulsions and i am extremely terryfied of making a stupid mistake.. i am sorry Xerxes

No worries man. I have the same issue, but it's more like for comedic effect at the chagrin of my wife. Even at the mental hospital I was thinking of ways to harm myself with the environment around me.

 

[Jodes]

No worries man. I have the same issue, but it's more like for comedic effect at the chagrin of my wife. Even at the mental hospital I was thinking of ways to harm myself with the environment around me.

@Help_Me Thats the only time i've had it like that - at hospital. You guys must feel as trapped as I did I guess. Sorry man.

 

[Worsethangarbage]

Well, 10th option but plans are limited....I will die anytime I have a chance. Why can't I get a fucking gun honestly.

 

[Xerxes]

They honestly do a great job of ensuring that you can't harm yourself. All the knobs are rounded and doesn't have an edge for something to cling to. The medical gown they give you is made of recycled paper (can easily be torn). Recessed lighting, bolted down furniture, doors that can't lock or fully close, recessed shower head, childproof outlets, etc. But they forgot that the walls are hard and so is the floor.

 

[Jodes]

They honestly do a great job of ensuring that you can't harm yourself. All the knobs are rounded and doesn't have an edge for something to cling to. The medical gown they give you is made of recycled paper (can easily be torn). Recessed lighting, bolted down furniture, doors that can't lock or fully close, recessed shower head, childproof outlets, etc. But they forgot that the walls are hard and so is the floor.

Omg :-s

 

[SiArc]

Seven. Guys, i literally NEED to kill myself. Everytime i look at something i begin to actually THINK how exactly i can use it to end my life. Sounds familiar to anyone ?

I am at 10, I have never seen me living past the age of 35. I am 32, close to 33. I try to imagine a future and I see nothing. I have a very active imagination too. It is not an if, it is a how long can I keep pushing this back for the little care I have for others until it breaks again. Tried on Nov. 24th and was stupidly saved by a good friend. Every day I see in my mind what my house will look like charred and burned down. I felt death, I felt the quiet peace of nothing. I want it back. I want it now. Just don't want to ruin a friend's birthday. This is not a want, this is a need. A decision set in the high pressures of the mountains. Coal turned to diamond kind of thing.

Just how long can I hold out till I am totally gone.

 

[NotWorthLiving]

I'm at 9

 

[TAW122]

On good days, I go to 3., but then when things get rough, I linger between 4 and 5, but when things really get awful, I fall into 9 for a short time. Recently, I've gone to 7 and very lately 8.

I don't think the scale takes into account that having an ideation and planning and implementation are separate things. By this I mean that I could feel a certain way, but when I actually obtain the things needed to ctb, it doesn't mean that I'm necessarily at a high end of the scale. I think to be more accurate, the scale should only focus on feelings rather than mixing feelings with actions (planning, obtaining, and implementing) as actions and feelings are independent things of each other.

 

[nasblue]

None of these options fit my situation. There's a certain condition under which I will commit suicide, but I have no desire to do it otherwise.

 

[sui2]

None of these options fit my situation. There's a certain condition under which I will commit suicide, but I have no desire to do it otherwise.

Hey Nas, read about you looking for a partner, so you aren't in this condition? greetings from probably 500km away

 

[Damn]

13. 5. You have tried several times and failed, it does not make you feel sad at All , but manic/smiles at it, and brings you peace and tranquility meditating on it daily. I can find peace. I will find peace.

 

[Exile]

None of the listed options is right for me either. I have a plan, I don't feel bad about what I'm going to do, and I don't intend to do it until 2-4 months from now, depending on how long certain things take. I am in deep emotional and mental pain but that has been true for a long time. I'm going on a final trip in 6-7 weeks as a final gift to myself.

 

[Sixfeetunder]

I have a sense of relief knowing that I have less than a month left on earth. I have just about all of my plan set up, there's just one detail left I have to work out. I have the date, I know what hotel I'm going to, what I'm saying in my suicide note, etc.

 

[itsallover]

I'm really sorry about what you're going through. You fought hard so be proud of that. I wish you peace and happiness. You've been through much more than medication so I feel for you especially with all the responsibilities.

 

[SeekingSolace]

I do the same thing as Xerxes but use a week.
My New Years resolution for 2016 was if I am still doing this all year it will be my last year. I still did it in 2016, 2017, 2018....

Beating the will to live is fucking hard.
Now I have actively started planning and the thought of death brings me relief, but I still don't know at times, it's all so complicated.

I don't want to die, I want my pre accident health back.
But circumstances out of my control mean that can not happen.
Really I need a fucking time machine so it never happened in the first place.

My accident was 2002, my cognitive function the next 2 years was bad but then improved.
Through 2007 - 2013 I managed to hold down a full time job that I absolutely loved and payed very well. I got married and had a child.
Then I had a fucking seizure and changed overnight, lesions on my brain were found (that can show up years after a TBI for many reasons)
I lost my job, my house and I've been in a steady decline since then with my wife, my family and her family growing to resent me more and more.

I can't provide for my daughter financially and most days can't even play with her etc. I love her so much, it fills me with guilt knowing I want to end my life.
My daughter is the only one who loves me unconditionally, but I worry as she grows older she will hate me either way anyway.

I don't know why I am ranting or doing it in this particular post I can't even remember the original topic.
I hate this time of year, I miss my old life so much, this isn't the life I want. It is so painfully fucking boring, I am bitter and jealous of everyone who enjoys life, I can't regulate my moods etc, it's fucking exhausting.

Sorry guys, this sucks. I hate living below my potential due to circumstances out of my control.

If I knew I could get better I'd stick around, but for the last 2 years both my neurologist & psychiatrist just tell me it's about managing "quality of life" and see what "future medical advances bring" They have me on large doses of habit forming medications, which did work initially, but have not now for a long time. I don't want to wait any longer suffering.

Sorry for the rant, I'm confused. I wish I just never existed in the first place that would be better. I'm sorry. Man I am angry at my parents for making me exist, blah.

I feel you...I started having seizures five years ago and my life has been in a steady decline ever since. With each passing day I feel like more of a burden to those around me. The associated guilt is so heavy. I'm sorry you're struggling.

 

[Sbwakaka]

Looking for a suicide partner in Canada.. I am serious about it..going to commit it in a few days..wish me a good luck

 

[Roberto]

I do the same thing as Xerxes but use a week.
My New Years resolution for 2016 was if I am still doing this all year it will be my last year. I still did it in 2016, 2017, 2018....

Beating the will to live is fucking hard.
Now I have actively started planning and the thought of death brings me relief, but I still don't know at times, it's all so complicated.

I don't want to die, I want my pre accident health back.
But circumstances out of my control mean that can not happen.
Really I need a fucking time machine so it never happened in the first place.

My accident was 2002, my cognitive function the next 2 years was bad but then improved.
Through 2007 - 2013 I managed to hold down a full time job that I absolutely loved and payed very well. I got married and had a child.
Then I had a fucking seizure and changed overnight, lesions on my brain were found (that can show up years after a TBI for many reasons)
I lost my job, my house and I've been in a steady decline since then with my wife, my family and her family growing to resent me more and more.

I can't provide for my daughter financially and most days can't even play with her etc. I love her so much, it fills me with guilt knowing I want to end my life.
My daughter is the only one who loves me unconditionally, but I worry as she grows older she will hate me either way anyway.

I don't know why I am ranting or doing it in this particular post I can't even remember the original topic.
I hate this time of year, I miss my old life so much, this isn't the life I want. It is so painfully fucking boring, I am bitter and jealous of everyone who enjoys life, I can't regulate my moods etc, it's fucking exhausting.

Sorry guys, this sucks. I hate living below my potential due to circumstances out of my control.

If I knew I could get better I'd stick around, but for the last 2 years both my neurologist & psychiatrist just tell me it's about managing "quality of life" and see what "future medical advances bring" They have me on large doses of habit forming medications, which did work initially, but have not now for a long time. I don't want to wait any longer suffering.

Sorry for the rant, I'm confused. I wish I just never existed in the first place that would be better. I'm sorry. Man I am angry at my parents for making me exist, blah.

Thanks for your words.
I feel identified.
I 'just' have depression. I lost jobs, friends, family, wife ...
It is so lovely to read how much you love and care for your daughter. But the love you give to her is the most valuable present :-)

 

[Jolene40]

I do the same thing as Xerxes but use a week.
My New Years resolution for 2016 was if I am still doing this all year it will be my last year. I still did it in 2016, 2017, 2018....

Beating the will to live is fucking hard.
Now I have actively started planning and the thought of death brings me relief, but I still don't know at times, it's all so complicated.

I don't want to die, I want my pre accident health back.
But circumstances out of my control mean that can not happen.
Really I need a fucking time machine so it never happened in the first place.

My accident was 2002, my cognitive function the next 2 years was bad but then improved.
Through 2007 - 2013 I managed to hold down a full time job that I absolutely loved and payed very well. I got married and had a child.
Then I had a fucking seizure and changed overnight, lesions on my brain were found (that can show up years after a TBI for many reasons)
I lost my job, my house and I've been in a steady decline since then with my wife, my family and her family growing to resent me more and more.

I can't provide for my daughter financially and most days can't even play with her etc. I love her so much, it fills me with guilt knowing I want to end my life.
My daughter is the only one who loves me unconditionally, but I worry as she grows older she will hate me either way anyway.

I don't know why I am ranting or doing it in this particular post I can't even remember the original topic.
I hate this time of year, I miss my old life so much, this isn't the life I want. It is so painfully fucking boring, I am bitter and jealous of everyone who enjoys life, I can't regulate my moods etc, it's fucking exhausting.

Sorry guys, this sucks. I hate living below my potential due to circumstances out of my control.

If I knew I could get better I'd stick around, but for the last 2 years both my neurologist & psychiatrist just tell me it's about managing "quality of life" and see what "future medical advances bring" They have me on large doses of habit forming medications, which did work initially, but have not now for a long time. I don't want to wait any longer suffering.

Sorry for the rant, I'm confused. I wish I just never existed in the first place that would be better. I'm sorry. Man I am angry at my parents for making me exist, blah.

I feel exactly the same. I don't want to die, I want my health back or at least half of it even. I have multiple autoimmune diseases and one affects me neurologically. It's horrifying and is now in my cranial nerves and affecting my brain. I'm permanently dizzy and in pain off balance and feel like a zombie. It's just getting worse. I have a colostomy bag which I don't care about but it hasn't even helped the problem. I have a small son whom I can hardly care for now so have everyone else doing it whilst I'm like his cabbage big sister.
I can't earn money I can't do much of anything. I look like a basket case anxiety nut job so the horror of my physical ailments are overlooked with pats on the head. It's a joke. I am so f***ing angry.
I'm 39 years old.
I wish this bugger would kill me in my sleep but I know it will just disable me more and more and torture me.
I hate that I feel I have no choice but to kill myself leaving my son and whoever else with the legacy of suicide. No one will stop to consider how physically unwell I am because the treatment care of the nhs these days is so so diabolical.

 

[Jolene40]

I do the same thing as Xerxes but use a week.
My New Years resolution for 2016 was if I am still doing this all year it will be my last year. I still did it in 2016, 2017, 2018....

Beating the will to live is fucking hard.
Now I have actively started planning and the thought of death brings me relief, but I still don't know at times, it's all so complicated.

I don't want to die, I want my pre accident health back.
But circumstances out of my control mean that can not happen.
Really I need a fucking time machine so it never happened in the first place.

My accident was 2002, my cognitive function the next 2 years was bad but then improved.
Through 2007 - 2013 I managed to hold down a full time job that I absolutely loved and payed very well. I got married and had a child.
Then I had a fucking seizure and changed overnight, lesions on my brain were found (that can show up years after a TBI for many reasons)
I lost my job, my house and I've been in a steady decline since then with my wife, my family and her family growing to resent me more and more.

I can't provide for my daughter financially and most days can't even play with her etc. I love her so much, it fills me with guilt knowing I want to end my life.
My daughter is the only one who loves me unconditionally, but I worry as she grows older she will hate me either way anyway.

I don't know why I am ranting or doing it in this particular post I can't even remember the original topic.
I hate this time of year, I miss my old life so much, this isn't the life I want. It is so painfully fucking boring, I am bitter and jealous of everyone who enjoys life, I can't regulate my moods etc, it's fucking exhausting.

Sorry guys, this sucks. I hate living below my potential due to circumstances out of my control.

If I knew I could get better I'd stick around, but for the last 2 years both my neurologist & psychiatrist just tell me it's about managing "quality of life" and see what "future medical advances bring" They have me on large doses of habit forming medications, which did work initially, but have not now for a long time. I don't want to wait any longer suffering.

Sorry for the rant, I'm confused. I wish I just never existed in the first place that would be better. I'm sorry. Man I am angry at my parents for making me exist, blah.

I feel exactly the same. I don't want to die, I want my health back or at least half of it even. I have multiple autoimmune diseases and one affects me neurologically. It's horrifying and is now in my cranial nerves and affecting my brain. I'm permanently dizzy and in pain off balance and feel like a zombie. It's just getting worse. I have a colostomy bag which I don't care about but it hasn't even helped the problem. I have a small son whom I can hardly care for now so have everyone else doing it whilst I'm like his cabbage big sister.
I can't earn money I can't do much of anything. I look like a basket case anxiety nut job so the horror of my physical ailments are overlooked with pats on the head. It's a joke. I am so f***ing angry.
I'm 39 years old.
I wish this bugger would kill me in my sleep but I know it will just disable me more and more and torture me.
I hate that I feel I have no choice but to kill myself leaving my son and whoever else with the legacy of suicide. No one will stop to consider how physically unwell I am because the treatment care of the nhs these days is so so diabolical.

 

[WhiteRabbit]

I feel exactly the same. I don't want to die, I want my health back or at least half of it even. I have multiple autoimmune diseases and one affects me neurologically. It's horrifying and is now in my cranial nerves and affecting my brain. I'm permanently dizzy and in pain off balance and feel like a zombie. It's just getting worse. I have a colostomy bag which I don't care about but it hasn't even helped the problem. I have a small son whom I can hardly care for now so have everyone else doing it whilst I'm like his cabbage big sister.
I can't earn money I can't do much of anything. I look like a basket case anxiety nut job so the horror of my physical ailments are overlooked with pats on the head. It's a joke. I am so f***ing angry.
I'm 39 years old.
I wish this bugger would kill me in my sleep but I know it will just disable me more and more and torture me.
I hate that I feel I have no choice but to kill myself leaving my son and whoever else with the legacy of suicide. No one will stop to consider how physically unwell I am because the treatment care of the nhs these days is so so diabolical.

Same here, I worked hard and built a nice life. I don't want to die, I just want my health back. I want the pain to stop. Never thought i'd end up like this at 34.

 

[Exile]

I want to die and I hope that I don't continue to exist on any other level.

 

[Jolene40]

Same here, I worked hard and built a nice life. I don't want to die, I just want my health back. I want the pain to stop. Never thought i'd end up like this at 34.

What are your health issues white rabbit? I'm f***ing furious over the whole thing. I'm 39. It all kicked off badly about 32 years old. Didn't expect this though. Hell on earth.
I have serious depression and anxiety because of it and also the problems are affecting my head and brain which are themselves causing a depression.

 

[WhiteRabbit]

I picked number 7. I'm starting to get a plan together and trying to come to terms with death, with nothingness, with forever. I'm still hanging onto life, but I'm losing my grip.

 

[WhiteRabbit]

What are your health issues white rabbit? I'm f***ing furious over the whole thing. I'm 39. It all kicked off badly about 32 years old. Didn't expect this though. Hell on earth.
I have serious depression and anxiety because of it and also the problems are affecting my head and brain which are themselves causing a depression.

Mine started at 32 as well. I have lupus, interstitial cystitis, and CRPS. I also just found out I have a severely degenerated disc in my back.

I think I've had lupus since around 28 but it wasn't diagnosed until later.

 

[Jolene40]

Mine started at 32 as well. I have lupus, interstitial cystitis, and CRPS. I also just found out I have a severely degenerated disc in my back.

I think I've had lupus since around 28 but it wasn't diagnosed until later.

Oh good old lupus. It is a horrid horrid disease. I have sjogrens. Mine has eaten through all my small fibre nerves and has severely damaged autonomic nerves. I'm permanently on fire or numb. It's horrific I know.
Do you take meds? I tried cellcept then ended up having to have my colon removed. I should have asked for it so I could strangle myself with it