Venting How open are you about your plans?

[_Minsk]

Who knows that you want to ctb? Do you try to hide it at all cost or are you open about it?
For some reason i want to be open about it, also to minimise the impact for others or the shock..
I think im open about it with most people whom im close to. But i know some people don't react well to it sadly:/ i wish everyone would be more accepting since hiding it is exhausting to me

 

[Interloper]

No one knows (as far as I know) because I'm afraid it will just make them walk on egg shells around me. And they might pull the whole 'just a cry for attention' spiel on me.

 

[Kristicide]

I'm completely open - to you guys on the site. After I mentioned to a friend I had done multiple attempts in 1 week she and a few other friends committed me to a psych hospital. I don't speak about it anymore.

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

No one but SS knows.

 

[Pen>Sword]

I've revealed it to my brother once, but thought that I was bluffing. That's one way to shut it down before this suicide threat becomes a habitual phrase (I have a habit of saying things over and over again).

Next time, there won't be a verbal warning as I wasn't taken seriously. I'll just kill myself.

 

[Feeding Pigeons]

I'm completely open about it to two people close to me. They know I'm not bluffing, and they don't act differently because of it.

 

[Eternity]

Only my psych knows the plan (I told months ago and was sectioned a few weeks, regret it now). My best friend also knows and is willing to accept the fact I will ctb some day (he told me he would like to meet one more time before I choose to ctb). My parents and a few friends know I struggle with suicidal thougths, but we never talk about it. I won't tell my plan, because I don't want to be a burden to them and they won't understand. I act like I've got it under control.

 

[Al Cappella]

I don't tell anyone anything…

 

[waitingforrest]

Only my family knows because the keep finding me and sending me on the wee woo car. But the amount of times they have found me have probably desensitized them to the point that they don't think I'll succeed.

 

[markimobzzdeasui]

Last year after I attempted,I told a few online friends about it because I was afraid. But I got those same generic platitudes,guilt tripping and even an online post of being considered as someone who has no problems but want to make problem in his head. I told my toxic parents more than a decade ago when I first attempted, but instead got a big laugh and sarcasm from them which continued for months and in every single conversation we had. I decided I would never tell anyone ever again at that time.
Now this will be my final attempt and apart from this site, I don't want to tell a single soul irl. This place and people are more than enough for me.

 

[completely-done]

I made the mistake of telling a friend i wanted to ctb and that was enough for him to call psych on me. I will never make that mistake again. The very day i get N is the day i ctb. I have my notes ready and a draft of a timed email to my landlord.

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case, nobody knows and they never will. It is my life and my decision after all and it is nothing to do with anyone else. I do not see it as a good idea to tell other people as it seems as though many people do not respect the right to die. Family members would expect me to suffer for decades against my wishes.

 

[Muse]

I told a "friend" that I wanted to exit this life and she was ready to call my family and the hospital. So, I will never told somebody again, apart online people on SS.

 

[StarryStarry]

Nobody knows and nobody cares.

 

[LADY007]

Who knows that you want to ctb? Do you try to hide it at all cost or are you open about it?
For some reason i want to be open about it, also to minimise the impact for others or the shock..
I think im open about it with most people whom im close to. But i know some people don't react well to it sadly:/ i wish everyone would be more accepting since hiding it is exhausting to me

My husband knows about my nitrogen because my mother got Alzheimer's and I firmly said this cylinder is just in case I get that disease later in life. But, if I choose to go sooner...I tell no one. Most people cannot handle that and would wrack their brain trying to think how they could talk you out of it. Just not fair to them.

 

[Unicornsrnot4dislife]

I learnt the hard way to keep it a secret

 

[JoeyJoey]

Who knows that you want to ctb? Do you try to hide it at all cost or are you open about it?
For some reason i want to be open about it, also to minimise the impact for others or the shock..
I think im open about it with most people whom im close to. But i know some people don't react well to it sadly:/ i wish everyone would be more accepting since hiding it is exhausting to me

I am not open about it. It will worry others if I told them. Although it might help me because they might help me seek help. But to tell them will open up a big can of beans.
So on one side I wish I could tell people or talk to others, but on the other side I don't want to go through the hassle and fallout after I tell them.

Catch 22

 

[gottago222]

my fam thinks im joking and laughs when i say kill me now fam

 

[ashfall]

I've told my family about my suicidal thoughts and how I'd do it pretending I was just being hypothetical. They don't know I actually plan to carry through though I didn't want it to feel like it came out of nowhere for them when I ctb. This way I can say I've got it under control but also assure them it is not remotely their fault when I die. I know no matter what I do they'll be devastated but I want to at least try and make it easier on them.

 

[rudebeat]

My family knows, they've been kind about it and haven't really tried to make me feel guilty about it as far as I can remember. I told a friend, and their first response was that I was their only friend and that they couldn't lose me. This was in spite of the fact that I told that I told them I might be going blind and might literally have no choice but to kill myself. Whenever I state that as a reason I want to commit suicide to a therapist, psychiatrist or that friend I just mentioned they all just brush over it and say you just can't commit suicide.
Someone on reddit once misinterpreted me telling them that I also have hearing loss as meaning I was deaf, meaning if I went blind I would be blind and deaf, and just said "Yeah that would suck but you'd still have life," to persuade me to not commit suicide. I'm not telling anyone going forwards besides therapists and psychiatrists.

 

[_Seeking]

I recently told someone, but I could see they weren't taking it well so I phrased it as something way, way, way down the line. It's hard after being on this site, to remember that the rest of the world find the idea of suicide completely irrational even when the person is living an incredibly low quality of life. I don't plan on bringing it up again, and at least it won't be a shock to anyone.

 

[dreadpirateroberts69]

I wish I felt like I could reasonably discuss it with anyone in my life. Hiding it is indeed exhausting. I know if I tried to they would just freak the fuck out and it wouldn't be good for anyone. I learned this the hard way the first time I seriously considered ctb.

 

[downndone2]

One person knows my plans if I eventually follow thru. I've never been a big drug user, but a big ol hot shot hopefully laced with F if I can even muster up the courage to hit the streets and find it

 

[medicinenightmares]

I have to keep it secret. If I told anyone then I would be sent to the hospital right away.

 

[someonelse]

No one knows except for people on SS. I'm afraid if I told anyone I would be put in the mental hospital again. I've been in probably 12-15 mental hospitals in my life (I'm bipolar one with psychosis) and I just can't risk being forced into another one. I'm grateful for SS because it's the only place I can be honest and say how I'm truly feeling. I'm planning on ctb Saturday at midnight.

 

[☆AwaitingEntropy☆]

I wish more than anything that I could be open about my feelings. It feels so cruel, both to myself and my loved ones, to have to keep it a secret. It sucks to bottle it up, and it sucks that I may eventually leave them with a nasty, fucked up surprise.
If I could be honest with them, and have them understand without worry, then that would be best. But I know that's not possible.

 

[elfin]

i've been open about been suicidal in the past but i think people just assume that i'm joking because i have a really dark sense of humor. nobody has ever known the true extent of it, aside from my boyfriend (who died a few months ago).

 

[maakies]

Similar to many users. Gave some verbal warnings. I think most my friends know I'll do it at some point. But the reactions I get to mentioning it (forced hospitalization and medication, dismission, etc.) will make it so it will happen without anyone having real knowledge about it. Fine by me.

 

[ColorlessTrees]

I'm an open book, really. Whether I want to be or not, I'm just blunt about most things. I do curb it around strangers, but more or less, I tell my mother explicitly (she gets snappy or silent), my sister offhandedly, (silent) my closest friend in detail (he respects my feelings even though it would hurt him), my aunt and grandfather under emotionally tense circumstances, (though they believed I "wasn't in my right mind" and "I don't mean that" respectively). I don't really try to, it just comes up when it comes up. I tell my therapist just enough, but I twist the truth so I don't get hospitalized again. I've lied through every depression screening, tbh.

To my family, it seems to be taken as just an idle threat. Nobody believes I'm capable; I'm just a stupid helpless girl who doesn't know her own feelings.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

After a couple of attempts, people know by now. But it's been a while, so I think I've lured them into a false sense of security.