How many of you..

[fficiallyjawshh]

Are stuck between wanting to let everyone know that you plan on ctb so no one is shocked or suprised but you know in doing so it will potentially jeopardize your plans . It fucking sucks .

 

[randomz]

I know what you mean, but I personally don't want to reveal my plans to anyone. My GF and my best friend already know that I am suicidal so if one day I CTB, they will probably explain the inevitability of my choices.

 

[a.n.kirillov]

Yeah I know. No solution to it sadly

 

[fficiallyjawshh]

I know what you mean, but I personally don't want to reveal my plans to anyone. My GF and my best friend already know that I am suicidal so if one day I CTB, they will probably explain the inevitability of my choices.

Do you plan on doing it soon ?

 

[Thereisnothing]

I have noone really to tell, noone who cares anyway, other people who I know would only either tell me not to be stupid or try and get me help, which there is none...................so if I CTB then would be alone to carry it out, as got noone in real life around me who comes to my home to jeopardize it. My physical health and pain is falling now at staggering rate and I am suffering terribly, plus going under with grief...................so would be an escape, although not got a method sorted as so restricted what could do...............so do hope my natural exit from my illnesses wont be too painful to bare.

 

[Soulless_Angel]

Why tell people, why make it obvious, because then they will throw on their pro life mantra, and do everything they can to prevent you doing
Keep your head low act normal, and take it how you want, not how others want.

 

[Deleted member 14386]

100% but everyone around me knows, they just don't suspect anything is currently underway. In the past telling people (outside this forum) get me in jail/cuffed to a hospital bed for 24+ hours. Eff that

 

[MsMaudlin]

The only people that know are on here x my 'real' friends ❤

 

[ManchurianCandidate]

No I rather keep it myself I would to talk about it but some like minded person which I dont know any of that kind.

 

[randomz]

Do you plan on doing it soon ?

No, I want to first try every possible way that can make me feel better while I am still alive, as the memories of being happy are faded but still with me. I recently went to a psychatrist who prescribed me some meds, so I will stick around.

 

[Cave Johnson]

Yeah, I actually told my younger brother(the only family I'm actually close with) last night. We had a good 110 minute long conversation about it and stuff surrounding it. As it turns out he's pro-choice so it worked out pretty well.

 

[highlyvolatile]

Only two people know irl ive tried to talk to my sis who suggested i get help. my ex knows but that doesnt matter. im not telling anyone else. ive mentioned it to others who said like youll be fine and such. but ... i think its best if i go. if i dont go now its definitelly happening before the end of the year.

 

[Melkus2020]

Made the mistake of telling people. Now I'm looked at more suspiciously and I lost my freedom to kill myself with unlimited planning. I been donated money for treatment. I been nodding my head and acting normal since then. But I'm definitely booking a hotel sneaking out the house and ending it there within the week or the next.

 

[gnomeboy17]

I've thought about telling my GP/councilor/teacher but I don't know if they'd have to tell my parents because I'm still in full time education. If my parents knew it would break my heart to see them that sad.

 

[Ghost2211]

My ex knows, and my therapist does as well. I can't tell anyone else especially my kids. Somethings aren't meant to be discussed openly.

 

[fficiallyjawshh]

Yeah I know. No solution to it sadly

It's rough .

I have noone really to tell, noone who cares anyway, other people who I know would only either tell me not to be stupid or try and get me help, which there is none...................so if I CTB then would be alone to carry it out, as got noone in real life around me who comes to my home to jeopardize it. My physical health and pain is falling now at staggering rate and I am suffering terribly, plus going under with grief...................so would be an escape, although not got a method sorted as so restricted what could do...............so do hope my natural exit from my illnesses wont be too painful to bare.

If you don't mind me asking what would be your natural method ? Like how would you pass ? And you seem so lonely if you ever wanna talk about shit or need a friend just message me okay ?

 

[S1mpleme]

Are stuck between wanting to let everyone know that you plan on ctb so no one is shocked or suprised but you know in doing so it will potentially jeopardize your plans . It fucking sucks .

I don't really care if anyone knows and I don't want anyone to know about my plans, and at the same nobody cares about me, so everything is fine.

 

[fficiallyjawshh]

My ex knows, and my therapist does as well. I can't tell anyone else especially my kids. Somethings aren't meant to be discussed openly.

I've thought about telling my GP/councilor/teacher but I don't know if they'd have to tell my parents because I'm still in full time education. If my parents knew it would break my heart to see them that sad.

I've been out of high school for almost 3 years but I remember being suicidal in high school and getting sent to the counselor and shit . Tread lightly . Chances are they'll tell your parents and that shit will Create an unimaginable shit storm . Honestly telling anyone in high school is risky . Be careful and send me an update if you ever do !

 

[nerve]

There wouldn't be many people to tell and I doubt they'd take me seriously.

 

[fficiallyjawshh]

Made the mistake of telling people. Now I'm looked at more suspiciously and I lost my freedom to kill myself with unlimited planning. I been donated money for treatment. I been nodding my head and acting normal since then. But I'm definitely booking a hotel sneaking out the house and ending it there within the week or the next.

See that's what I fear happening (again) . I don't want all the heat but I just want everyone to be prepared y'know ? It sounds stupid . Will this be your first attempt ?

 

[Thereisnothing]

It's rough .

If you don't mind me asking what would be your natural method ? Like how would you pass ? And you seem so lonely if you ever wanna talk about shit or need a friend just message me okay ?

I refer to my natural method as dying when nature says my time is up, ie from my hideous illnesses I have which are robbing me more and more each day...........slowly passing away from being ill...........just hope my natural demise wont get too much more painful or distressful as shall be alone.

 

[fficiallyjawshh]

There wouldn't be many people to tell and I doubt they'd take me seriously.

This comes out weird but I wish I had that problem . Having people you care about and that care about you makes it a LOT tougher to "just do it" no matter how bad you want to :/

Are you actively planning to ctb ?

I refer to my natural method as dying when nature says my time is up, ie from my hideous illnesses I have which are robbing me more and more each day...........slowly passing away from being ill...........just hope my natural demise wont get too much more painful or distressful as shall be alone.

Well w/that said I hope when you do pass

I don't really care if anyone knows and I don't want anyone to know about my plans, and at the same nobody cares about me, so everything is fine.

Having no one to care makes it easier to just go . When do you plan on ctb ?

 

[InLifeThereIsDeath]

Are stuck between wanting to let everyone know that you plan on ctb so no one is shocked or suprised but you know in doing so it will potentially jeopardize your plans . It fucking sucks .

I know exactly what you mean. I'm kind of playing chicken with telling the truth. Seeing what people what try and do to stop me. The more obvious I am the less people are concerned. I guess there is still a very tiny part that either wants to know I'll be missed or stopped. I've told my counsellor and my crisis team that I see no point anymore. And I get a half hearted "it will get better" in response. It's almost as if they all agree death is both what I deserve and that it is the best option.
And I know I should die. I deserve to. I've done only bad in my life and never made a good difference. And people are sick and tired of my drama.

 

[a.n.kirillov]

This comes out weird but I wish I had that problem . Having people you care about and that care about you makes it a LOT tougher to "just do it" no matter how bad you want to :/

I know you might think that but it's not a problem you want to have. Isolation isn't necessarily always bad, but in general the more isolated you are the more your suicidal tendencies will grow.

As I say there are always exceptions, maybe even people who do better as a hermit, but that's probably because they're so alienated from people that being with them is more painful then being alone anyway

 

[elacnt]

The only people who knows about it are the ones who wouldn't stop me. One of them understands it and the other doesn't think I'm being really serious about it

 

[fficiallyjawshh]

The only people who knows about it are the ones who wouldn't stop me. One of them understands it and the other doesn't think I'm being really serious about it

Would you prefer them them both not stop you or not think your being serious ?

 

[Deleted member 14386]

See that's what I fear happening (again) . I don't want all the heat but I just want everyone to be prepared y'know ? It sounds stupid . Will this be your first attempt ?

I'm on my 5-6th attempt (I'm rubbish at dying) and all my internet connections are monitored. All mail is to be opened with another house-mate as witness. My phone and other devices are monitored randomly. I have to use TAILS now, TOR, a VPN just to read the stuff here. They are very much pro-lifers and are incapable of helping me out. No locks ever, not phone locks not physical locks, I don't even have a spare key (in case I order something and wait outside, let the mailman know I live here and can accept a package).
It's like prison, random room checks, being patted down (not really, but they ask to see what I've bought from the shops) etc, it's making me haaaate them and the tension is growing.
Luckily I have my "get out of life free ticket" ready to go, so good going if you guys ever read this, thanks for making my life more miserable in the end
Jk I'll scrub all my devices but still, jeezus

 

[Melkus2020]

See that's what I fear happening (again) . I don't want all the heat but I just want everyone to be prepared y'know ? It sounds stupid . Will this be your first attempt ?

No it been a series of attempts that ended in failure due to my incompetence and hesitation.

 

[fficiallyjawshh]

I'm on my 5-6th attempt (I'm rubbish at dying) and all my internet connections are monitored. All mail is to be opened with another house-mate as witness. My phone and other devices are monitored randomly. I have to use TAILS now, TOR, a VPN just to read the stuff here. They are very much pro-lifers and are incapable of helping me out. No locks ever, not phone locks not physical locks, I don't even have a spare key (in case I order something and wait outside, let the mailman know I live here and can accept a package).
It's like prison, random room checks, being patted down (not really, but they ask to see what I've bought from the shops) etc, it's making me haaaate them and the tension is growing.
Luckily I have my "get out of life free ticket" ready to go, so good going if you guys ever read this, thanks for making my life more miserable in the end
Jk I'll scrub all my devices but still, jeezus

This depressed me . Do you live with family ?? This situation interests me even though it makes my head hurt .

No it been a series of attempts that ended in failure due to my incompetence and hesitation.

It's ridiculous how much I felt this statement . I relate SO hard . Hopefully our time is coming soon :/

 

[Melkus2020]

No it been a series of attempts that ended in failure due to my incompetence and hesitation. Not anymore im already getting the prescribed drugs that will help me in my SN

This depressed me . Do you live with family ?? This situation interests me even though it makes my head hurt .

It's ridiculous how much I felt this statement . I relate SO hard . Hopefully our time is coming soon :/

Soon brother. I'm going to the doctor at 1:15 getting my Meto, Ibuprofen. And if I'm lucky and look convincing enough in acting sane. I could even get a dose of some benzo with the doctors prescription. I'm just hoping the doctor doesn't ask too many questions and start poking holes in my story. I live in Washington and it's has a lot of deaths due to despair. So they probably have dealt with a million people who has done SN.