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thenamingofcats

annihilation anxiety
Apr 19, 2024
358
Did you not make it? Why not?



I didn't make it. I've been on the fringes my whole life and never was accepted in. I'm really sad about it. I've worked cleaning jobs and was expected to keep the home until I was able to leave. I don't know what it's like to be part of a family since I was in the role of maid instead of family member. Cue the small violins, I know. Early middle age now and posting on a suicide forum. What about you?
 
sserafim

sserafim

they say it’s darkest of all before the dawn
Sep 13, 2023
8,045
I never wanted to be a part of adult society. Work is modern day slavery and I don't want to buy into the system. I've been a NEET ever since graduating college because I don't see a reason why *I* should be exploited. I don't want to become human capital. I guess I could make it if I wanted to, but I don't see a point in participating. The capitalist rat race seems meaningless and futile to me. Everyone will die in the end, so work your life away? Why struggle to survive? What reward do you get from your struggle? I don't see any reward in sight

I don't want to be part of a family because I don't like people anyways. I'm in my early 20s and I don't want to live past my mid 20s because by then I'll be expected to be independent and support myself. I don't want to become a slave to the system, so I want to ctb to escape this
 
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T

thenamingofcats

annihilation anxiety
Apr 19, 2024
358
The capitalist rat race seems meaningless and futile to me. Everyone will die in the end, so work your life away? Why struggle to survive? What reward do you get from your struggle? I don't see any reward in sight
What changed this for me is I developed a special interest in my field in school. Then it became about problem solving in that area and that felt really engaging. But because of my low social functioning that didn't work out. Now it's just as you say, the rat race and struggling.
 
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Sad_Autistic_boy_101

Sad_Autistic_boy_101

When I die, you'll love me.
Nov 19, 2019
444
I've never made it to any part of society. I didn't have an education because I couldn't cope in mainstream school and was therefore expelled. I have no qualifications either. I have no relationship with my parents and my father figure CTB in 2019. So I've stayed in my room for a lot of my life. Particularly the past 5 years where I've left the house maybe once every 3 months. I'm unable to work due to my Autism and mental health but cannot get the support I need, as a result I'm segregated from society and have no relationships. In a way I feel like a failure because of this but then I try to remind myself that everyone's timeline is different and my brain cannot fit into the mold of today's society.
 
T

thenamingofcats

annihilation anxiety
Apr 19, 2024
358
I've never made it to any part of society. I didn't have an education because I couldn't cope in mainstream school and was therefore expelled. I have no qualifications either. I have no relationship with my parents and my father figure CTB in 2019. So I've stayed in my room for a lot of my life. Particularly the past 5 years where I've left the house maybe once every 3 months. I'm unable to work due to my Autism and mental health but cannot get the support I need, as a result I'm segregated from society and have no relationships. In a way I feel like a failure because of this but then I try to remind myself that everyone's timeline is different and my brain cannot fit into the mold of today's society.
Support for autistic adults is almost non existent. They expect us to get diagnosed as a young child and then have lots of support so that by the time we're adults we have lots of coping skills, life skills, and relationships.
 
Dark Moon

Dark Moon

Autistic, death will give me peace.
Sep 21, 2022
560
Nope, I just don't fit into society because of my autism and other conditions I have, I would find it difficult to be in full time job. I did go to college and get some qualifications but had no support in finding jobs and a career. I don't exactly want to though because I feel that society hates me.
 
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thenamingofcats

annihilation anxiety
Apr 19, 2024
358
Nope, I just don't fit into society because of my autism and other conditions I have, I would find it difficult to be in full time job. I did go to college and get some qualifications but had no support in finding jobs and a career. I don't exactly want to though because I feel that society hates me.
The transition from college to professional life seems to be impossible for a lot of us. Autistics desperately need support finding a job after college and making that transition.
 
ijustwishtodie

ijustwishtodie

death will be my ultimate bliss
Oct 29, 2023
2,665
I want to ctb to avoid getting forced into adult society against my will (as well as to minimise my suffering)
 
sserafim

sserafim

they say it’s darkest of all before the dawn
Sep 13, 2023
8,045
The transition from college to professional life seems to be impossible for a lot of us. Autistics desperately need support finding a job after college and making that transition.
I've been a NEET ever since graduating college lol
I want to ctb to avoid getting forced into adult society against my will (as well as to minimise my suffering)
Same. I never even wanted to become an adult or participate in society anyways
 
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FadingDawn

FadingDawn

Experienced
Jul 18, 2023
201
i certainly never have lol... sucks. And my condolences to anyone else in this circumstance... it just feels so hopeless
 
sserafim

sserafim

they say it’s darkest of all before the dawn
Sep 13, 2023
8,045
Support for autistic adults is almost non existent. They expect us to get diagnosed as a young child and then have lots of support so that by the time we're adults we have lots of coping skills, life skills, and relationships.
Why do people expect us to have relationships? I don't want any at all
 
T

thenamingofcats

annihilation anxiety
Apr 19, 2024
358
Why do people expect us to have relationships? I don't want any at all
They seem to expect us to conform to their world. Honestly I can't say it's unfair since the majority of the world is NT but we have a lot of gifts they're missing out on.
 
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Dark Moon

Dark Moon

Autistic, death will give me peace.
Sep 21, 2022
560
The transition from college to professional life seems to be impossible for a lot of us. Autistics desperately need support finding a job after college and making that transition.
True, there's little help where I'm at and the transition to adulthood is difficult.
 
G

GreenOctober

Reality
Apr 16, 2024
95
Like the story of Icarus 🪽 Never made it through the transition from child to adult. But as he fell some say he smiled wickedly and bared his teeth at the world before he lost.
 
sserafim

sserafim

they say it’s darkest of all before the dawn
Sep 13, 2023
8,045
Like the story of Icarus 🪽 Never made it through the transition from child to adult. But as he fell some say he smiled wickedly and bared his teeth at the world before he lost.
I would say that becoming an adult is like Icarus' fall. It's a loss of innocence and a fall from grace
 
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G

GreenOctober

Reality
Apr 16, 2024
95
I would say that becoming an adult is like Icarus' fall. It's a loss of innocence and a fall from grace
A Fall from grace… was that intentional? Lol.

But yeah I suppose his hubris in flying to close to the sun causing him to descent into the sea is a fall from grace but I'm sure there's some grace in a defeat like his. He rose up high to feel the sun's warmth so it's not all bad.

But in the innocence part you said I feel like he still keeps his innocence because of his desire to see how far he can go it superseded the concern his father had for him. But there's different interpretations in the fall, like him falling into the water may have shown him the consequences of his pride and so making him lose innocence. Or maybe he had a childlike reaction and thought it was fun in a way.

This story is very old allowing for so many editions. ✍️
 
sserafim

sserafim

they say it’s darkest of all before the dawn
Sep 13, 2023
8,045
A Fall from grace… was that intentional? Lol.

But yeah I suppose his hubris in flying to close to the sun causing him to descent into the sea is a fall from grace but I'm sure there's some grace in a defeat like his. He rose up high to feel the sun's warmth so it's not all bad.

But in the innocence part you said I feel like he still keeps his innocence because of his desire to see how far he can go it superseded the concern his father had for him. But there's different interpretations in the fall, like him falling into the water may have shown him the consequences of his pride and so making him lose innocence. Or maybe he had a childlike reaction and thought it was fun in a way.

This story is very old allowing for so many editions. ✍️
I mean that the transition from childhood to adulthood is like falling from heaven to hell. As a child, if you have a good childhood, you basically live in a utopia. You have no responsibilities or obligations. Everything is handed to you on a silver platter. You're taken care of and don't have to work for anything. When you become an adult, you're forced to confront the cold, harsh reality. You realize that life is just a struggle for survival and people have to become enslaved to society and capitalism just to survive. Adulthood is just a bunch of unwanted responsibilities, demands and obligations that you can't run away from because your survival depends on it. You have to work your life away. How is that fair?
 
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G

GreenOctober

Reality
Apr 16, 2024
95
I mean that the transition from childhood to adulthood is like falling from heaven to hell. As a child, if you have a good childhood, you basically live in a utopia. You have no responsibilities or obligations. Everything is handed to you on a silver platter. You're taken care of and don't have to work for anything. When you become an adult, you're forced to confront the cold, harsh reality. You realize that life is just a struggle for survival and people have to become enslaved to society and capitalism just to survive. Adulthood is just a bunch of unwanted responsibilities, demands and obligations that you can't run away from because your survival depends on it. You have to work your life away. How is that fair?
Yeah it's not fair. It's either something that we have to tolerate or…. not. Also it's funny you said heaven to hell then referred to adult hood as a cold harsh reality. It's not a contradiction cause the comparison isn't actually connected but it's just something I noticed.
 
eatantz

eatantz

I luv dolls
Nov 4, 2023
311
I don't think I'll ever be ready for adult society. My autism and crippling anxiety make it impossible to leave the house most days. The thought of getting a job and having to communicate with people is enough to make me want to ctb.
 
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V

Volatha

Member
Dec 22, 2023
14
I would have liked to. I might still try one day. But I've never seen any evidence of a social circle existing which I would care to participate in.
 
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locked*n*loaded

locked*n*loaded

Archangel
Apr 15, 2022
5,736
I suppose this is true of me to some degree. I never married, never had kids, although I did have chances. Guess I never really found the right one. I always managed to take care of myself, though. However, I am a kid at heart in a lot of ways, I think.
 
migimortis

migimortis

Love It Or Waste It.
Jan 15, 2024
149
Couldn't go higher education due to mental illness. Can't hold down job due to mental illness. Socially stunted due to arrested development. I can't even imagine a happy adulthood either. Working a shitty job that I have to pretend to love just in order to survive? Fuck that shit. I have peter pan syndrome because I'm expected to conform to a system simply not made for me. In the very depths of my soul I loathe this system of wageslavery. My life should belong to ME not to an employer, an educator or the general public. ME. I tried to do it their way but I simply can't live that way. I'm probably autistic too. Fuck all this shit.
 
M

MBG

Experienced
Jul 14, 2023
255
Why do people expect us to have relationships? I don't want any at all
Because they know how much joy, happiness, comfort, meaning and companionship they get from relationships, especially marriage & family. They know if they didn't have those relationships they would be so miserable they might be spending time on suicide forums….

I think there's a lesson in there. ;)

 
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sserafim

sserafim

they say it’s darkest of all before the dawn
Sep 13, 2023
8,045
Because they know how much joy, happiness, comfort, meaning and companionship they get from relationships, especially marriage & family. They know if they didn't have those relationships they would be so miserable they might be spending time on suicide forums….

I think there's a lesson in there. ;)
My reason for being on a suicide forum is not due to lack of relationships. I have no need for relationships and I never had any desire for them. It's due to me having to eventually work for a living just to survive. I don't want to be stuck in survival mode for the rest of my life. I want to escape having to become a slave to the system and it seems like the only feasible way to do this is by ctb. I'm not miserable. In fact, I enjoy being a NEET. For me, it's either NEET or rope. I don't want my NEETdom to come to an end. I would rather die than submit to modern day slavery. I have no desire to get married or start a family. I don't like people anyways. Why would I want to be tied down to someone for life? That sounds like hell to me
 
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T

thenamingofcats

annihilation anxiety
Apr 19, 2024
358
Because they know how much joy, happiness, comfort, meaning and companionship they get from relationships, especially marriage & family. They know if they didn't have those relationships they would be so miserable they might be spending time on suicide forums….

I think there's a lesson in there. ;)


The traditional way doesn't work for everyone, especially autistics. I never wanted a family or marriage but did have career goals.
 
M

MBG

Experienced
Jul 14, 2023
255
My reason for being on a suicide forum is not due to lack of relationships. I have no need for relationships and I never had any desire for them. It's due to me having to eventually work for a living just to survive. I don't want to be stuck in survival mode for the rest of my life. I want to escape having to become a slave to the system and it seems like the only feasible way to do this is by ctb. I'm not miserable. In fact, I enjoy being a NEET. For me, it's either NEET or rope. I don't want my NEETdom to come to an end. I would rather die than submit to modern day slavery. I have no desire to get married or start a family. I don't like people anyways. Why would I want to be tied down to someone for life? That sounds like hell to me
Most people derive meaning for living from their work and their family (marriage & children). If you don't have those, not even as goals to work towards, no wonder you are suicidal. ("But he who sins against Me wrongs his own soul, all those who hate Me love death" Proverbs 8:36). You may want to reevaluate your beliefs about life. To most, the fulfillment of those goals (based upon their religious faith), more than compensates for the struggles and hardships involved. If you choose to go another way, that's your choice. You are still young enough to change your choice. Why are you complaining about it here?

Here's a clip about an excellent movie I recommend, "It's a Wonderful Life" (1946).

 
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