Discussion How many CTB attempts have you had?

[epic]

Title.

 

[Leagueofgentlemen]

Injected air into my hand, took a packet of diazepam with half a bottle of gin, ate 70 aconitum seeds - nothing happened.

 

[lostmouse93]

Technically 2 but there were two in which I was caught before I could do the actual attempt

 

[tiyijinn]

I think maybe 4. The first 2 were pretty stupid, but I definitely thought they could work.

 

[Forever Sleep]

None. Good job I didn't try to attempt when I first wanted to- age 10. I was considering paracetamol OD, or slashing wrists- both which likely would have failed.

 

[FuneralCry]

I've never really attempted properly as for me the problem lies in the fact that there is a lack of access to more peaceful and reliable ways to cease existing and I would worry about a suicide attempt going wrong, just leading to more suffering as a result. It's so awful how we are denied the option to just pass away in peace, this anti choice society disgusts me.

 

[TAW122]

I had none, and while some would think that I may not have been determined, however, that is far from the truth. This is because like @Forever Sleep and @FuneralCry said, an attempt going wrong is worse than having not attempted, especially with methods that cause permanent damage and suffering. Of course, during my more than three decades of sentience, it has been arduous and full of suffering with fleeting times and moments of peace, which the latter is not sufficient to stay long term. During my worst times, I have planned, and planned, even considered backups and contingencies in the event things go wrong. I do recall that when I was on the brink of doing so, I had some anxiety and dread, which is likely my SI trying to nudge me away. In 2019, I remember there were times where I slept poorly, which of course was the damned SI trying to interfere...

 

[StolenLife]

Two. One dumb attempt when I was a teenager and took a bunch of pills and another one less than a year ago when I tried to jump off a bridge.

 

[Torch]

Two, one dumb. When I was a teen, took 40 some ibuprofen, got scared and drove myself to hospital. And in 2012, drove my car into a tree at 60mph, somehow survived with a few broken ribs and some nasty whiplash.

 

[Kodokushi]

Two. One is early-ish teenage years where I just slashed myself really badly (although I kinda count it as a real bad selfharm since the intention was to HARM, not finish lol) and the other not so long ago when I overdosed on meds and it didn't go well as well. What can I say - I'm a failure, haha!

 

[Source Energy]

two..one as a teen second 9 years ago. Almost got there. Third will be a charm.

 

[LastOrder]

too many to still be here tbh... :s

 

[cgrtt.brns]

ive lost count bc of poor memory but i believe im at 5. dont remember the order but 1) cutting wrists, i knew to go down not across but i didnt go nearly deep enough lol 2) paracetamol od 3) sleeping meds od 4) the most recent, od with a mixture of different meds last year, and 5) when i was a kid my mum told me that wearing a scarf to bed could result in me choking to death so i wore a scarf to bed a lot lol, i count this as one tho bc i cant remember exact times just that i used to do this. im lucky that i was dumb enough that none left me injured (that i know of, i may have fucked my liver a bit but idk) and i never got caught/when i did get caught the person didnt think to send me to hospital so no psych ward visits. im glad to have found sasu cuz now i know a sure way to end it when i need to, i think just the desperation and impulse somehow assured i would fail each time because i had no idea what i was doing and just hoping something would work.

 

[Hihihehehuhu]

I did a lot when i was younger but i didnt know anything about suicide so they were just waste of time

 

[Alcoholic Failure]

Partial hanging, drank 20 oz of antifreeze, overdosed with 600mg Benadryl, 15,000mg Tylenol and 750ml rum, took a gun to a place to blow my brains out but was arrested before I got there. Also partial hanging in jail twice.

 

[melwarson]

ive lost count bc of poor memory but i believe im at 5. dont remember the order but 1) cutting wrists, i knew to go down not across but i didnt go nearly deep enough lol 2) paracetamol od 3) sleeping meds od 4) the most recent, od with a mixture of different meds last year, and 5) when i was a kid my mum told me that wearing a scarf to bed could result in me choking to death so i wore a scarf to bed a lot lol, i count this as one tho bc i cant remember exact times just that i used to do this. im lucky that i was dumb enough that none left me injured (that i know of, i may have fucked my liver a bit but idk) and i never got caught/when i did get caught the person didnt think to send me to hospital so no psych ward visits. im glad to have found sasu cuz now i know a sure way to end it when i need to, i think just the desperation and impulse somehow assured i would fail each time because i had no idea what i was doing and just hoping something would work.

Sorry I'm still relatively new here but may I ask what sasu is?

Partial hanging, drank 20 oz of antifreeze, overdosed with 600mg Benadryl, 15,000mg Tylenol and 750ml rum, took a gun to a place to blow my brains out but was arrested before I got there. Also partial hanging in jail twice.

May I ask what happened with partial hanging? It didn't work? If you aren't comfortable sharing I understand.

 

[beforeistoolate]

1 - Dehydration (not drinking liquids for four days)
2 - Hypothermia (several days laying naked on the ground)

 

[cgrtt.brns]

Sorry I'm still relatively new here but may I ask what sasu is?

no worries, welcome. its a short way for saying sanctioned suicide. some say ss or S.S., others say sasu :)

 

[melwarson]

1 - Dehydration (not drinking liquids for four days)
2 - Hypothermia (several days laying naked on the ground)

May I ask how you felt trying dehydration? Was it really bad? I've been thinking of trying that method. If you aren't comfortable sharing I understand.

 

[S u i c i d e]

I've had several suicide attempts but only one where I almost died and only that counts!
I hope the next time I try to kill myself, I'll die!

 

[Ico]

One...and it was successful. Carbon Monoxide.

I achieved clinical death, but was revived via CPR (ironically, by the abusive parent who's last words to me were, "All of us would be better off if you never existed"). Ended up in the ICU for three days before I regained consciousness. There's no way of knowing how long my brain was without oxygen, but I definitely ended up with brain damage and memory issues.

This was back in 1989 (I was 16), and it wasn't something I had planned out. I was in the grips of (what I now know is) severe Autistic meltdown, and I was pushed over the edge by a particularly harrowing day of targeted abuse and bullying. In retrospect, all I had to do was run a hose from the exhaust to the inside of the car and I would have been spared this ongoing hellscape. Back then, there was no way of researching these things. It was just dumb luck that my parents happened to have an old 1978 vehicle that produced a LOT of fumes.

Despite what I've read on the internet, my experience with Carbon Monoxide was fairly peaceful. In fact, I got a little bored in the car and went back inside the house for my walkman. It smelled a bit, but I just sort of fell asleep.

Family was out celebrating the 'golden child' of the family, and she opted to not have ice cream afterwards. If she did, I wouldn't be here.

Flash forward to today, and she's in the middle of a 5 week 'Sabbatical' in Europe (even though she hasn't worked in 10 years). I, on the other hand, am writing this while watching youtube videos on how to disable the CO sensor on my generator. Some things never change.

However, I'm going to get it right this time.

It's been 34 years of desperately trying to fight this. I think that's long enough.

 

[alonely]

0 attempts - if I'm going to go, I'm going to succeed on my first attempt

 

[notwavinbutdrowning]

1. Partial hanging with ratchet straps - I could pass out but then came around 5-10 mins later.
2. Ran to the railway in crisis. SI kicked in and I couldn't scale the 10ft fence to get on the lines.
3. Nitrogen method whilst sitting up but I collapsed and the hose came detached from the mask. Must make sure I'm lieing down next time.
4. In the planning - I have SN, but I'm giving myself another 6 months to try and find a way to live with the suffering.

 

[beforeistoolate]

May I ask how you felt trying dehydration? Was it really bad? I've been thinking of trying that method. If you aren't comfortable sharing I understand.

First few days was manageable.
Day 3 I started with tachycardia and general weakness but also manageable.
Night 4 I couldn't fall asleep anymore because I wasn't able to swallow, and the feeling of feeling your throat dry as sandpaper was more that I could handle.

I did this in cold weather that's why it lasted so long.
I wouldn't recommend this method at all.

 

[Techef]

Tried cutting wrists about 5 years ago. Didn't know I had to go across in addition to down. Blade wasn't sharp enough either, so I really had to put lots of force into repeated cuts (felt like I was digging) - stupidly painful. Despite all that, I thought I was going to succeed, but all that happened was I passed out and woke up to blood clots. Eventually went to clinic because of bacterial infection. Funnily enough, I wasn't even subjected to a psychiatric evaluation. No lectures either. Just got 2 printouts for suicide hotline and some free walk-in emergency therapy clinic, no advice. Everything was just ho-hum business. Which I appreciated very much.

Also, I didn't try dehydration in a CTB attempt but experienced it. One of my many illnesses had me so weak I was unable to get out of bed for several days. Like poster above said, 3 days was manageable, 4th day was unbearable and SI kicked in hard. It's amazing what the human body will do to keep itself alive... for 3 days I could hardly lift a finger. Then on the 4th day when things got dangerous brain must've kicked in adrenaline overdrive. No other way to explain how I got that sudden burst of energy. It was just enough to get enough fluid into my system, as I passed out before I could even take a step to go back to bed.

 

[loyalskateboard]

The first I was 10 years old and I was serious but my method was shit. I tied a belt around my neck.

The second I attempted the night night method. My hearing was muffled, my vision was blurry, and my head was so fucking painful. I didn't get the carotid artery so I wasn't unconscious and I started to panic after a minute or so. Obviously it didn't work.

Everything else I would consider practice more than an attempt.

 

[Dosentmatter903]

What happend with the bridge?

 

[Leagueofgentlemen]

4 to date, last one was a 1,4bdo IE ghb overdose resulting in 2 weeks in hospital and 3 in a psych unit. Was actually a nice unit apart from some annoying patients.