Discussion How long have you been suicidal?

[Forever Sleep]

For 35 years. Ages 10 to 45- to varying intensities.

 

[SuicidalSuperhero]

First concretely suicidal thoughts was not longer after I turned ten. Thirty one years now.

May have had soft ideation before that. I was apparently a very quiet and withdrawn child.

 

[failedmind]

I'm very sorry about it. Do you think there's a reason why you started having these thoughts this young, if I may ask? For example I don't think I really had a reason to be depressed besides the fact that I didn't have any friends. In reality, though, I think that back then I didn't have any friends because I was depressed and the other kids could sense my negativity, and not the other way around (depressed because I had no friends). Perhaps a deeply negative event, like a trauma, occurred during my early childhood and my brain suppressed the memory.

I went through a lot of childhood trauma involving my dad and went through a really rough divorce between my parents. I genuinely feel like hes the reason for all of my issues.
It definitely could be some kind of trauma being suppressed.

 

[twistedtransistor47]

First had thoughts about it when I was 11-12 I think? Tried ctb for the first time when I was 14

 

[PainRemains]

Since I was a teenager I thought about it a little bit but not as seriously as I do now though I was institutionalized before I was 18. For the past few years I've thought about it a lot, some days it was all I could think about. The thoughts are oddly comforting sometimes though. Like if life gets even worse I like knowing that there's always a way out.

 

[sonnyw]

I went through a lot of childhood trauma involving my dad and went through a really rough divorce between my parents. I genuinely feel like hes the reason for all of my issues.
It definitely could be some kind of trauma being suppressed.

I'm very sorry. I hope you can feel better some day

 

[kuroshimi]

I always have some kind of "death wish" since childhood, but not actively suicidal. I think its started after I get to the uni. Just at that moment, the world began to collapse and so am I.

 

[Claymore7274]

Around 14 years old, maybe? But it was just some stupid teen heartbreak. it got real when i was about 17 years old

 

[SomewhereNew]

Since I was 16 years old I can almost remember the very first night it even crossed my mind. 14 years later I still want to

 

[failedmind]

Since I was a teenager I thought about it a little bit but not as seriously as I do now though I was institutionalized before I was 18. For the past few years I've thought about it a lot, some days it was all I could think about. The thoughts are oddly comforting sometimes though. Like if life gets even worse I like knowing that there's always a way out.

i definitely relate. sometimes it is really comforting knowing there's a way out of here. i love your profile pic and name btw. im a huge lorna shore fan

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm suicidal for a few years. A big failure in life and the consequences are the reasons.

 

[Unlucky777]

Since I realized I was gay when I was like 12. I'm almost 45 now. So, over 3 decades.

 

[iwanttodie019]

Since the day that I was born

Found out that mental health issues REALLY run in my "family".

Got kicked out the day after I turned 18, never heard or saw my "parents" again, 100% their choice and now I at least have an inkling why. They had massive issues!!

how old are you?

 

[whywere]

how old are you?

I am 69. My "parents" wanted a female child and NOT a male child. They were going to leave me at the hospital back in 1956 for adoption, but back then it would have been social suicide to do that, so I went "home" and had 18 years of HELL.

When my older brother and young sister turned 18, they were given new cars. The day after I turned 18, I was raised on a working dairy farm, my 'parents" drove me to our local town and dropped me off on a street curb and drove away. I was left with NO money, NO food, NO shelter, just a bag with my clothes in it. Never heard from them again ever, 100% their choice.

When they passed on, my younger sister got a hobby farm and cash, my older brother got around 8 million (USD) and I got ZERO. IN fact, it was in both of their wills that they did NOT want me at either their wakes or funerals ever. So, I stayed away as not to cause any issues.

So, am I suicidal? OH YES and work with it each and every day.

Walter

 

[Tarantula]

When I was 8 I realized I didn't want to live past 30 years old, and when I was 10 I stopped wanting to be alive entirely. I realized that the world would be better off without me in it

 

[brokencookie]

Since puberty

 

[muu]

8 or 9 probably, since at least 4th grade. i remember i would write on my desk in marker how much i wanted to die lol

 

[Defenestration]

It's incredible how many people have had suicidal thoughts for over 10-15 years... I don't even know if we're representative of the population that commits suicide.

 

[bunn]

for about 5 years now i think
i dont really remember anything before 2020 tho so may be longer

 

[hmnow]

Since I was a high school student when I make my first attempt

 

[MyLifeisHell]

Too effing long

 

[camusfan_ig]

Had thoughts of dying and stuff like that since I was around 5. I only started actively having suicidal thoughts since I was abt 10ish years old

 

[Rabbit-]

I have trouble remembering my childhood, so it's a bit difficult. I believe I began experiencing vague passive ideation ("I don't want to be here anymore/I want to disappear forever") as soon as I was able to think it at all. Almost certainly before I was school age.

As I got older, this solidified into more directly wanting to die/be killed, and then around 12-13 or so I started making repeated attempts (Several of which were self-interrupted, admittedly) with an active intention to someday kill myself.

All in all... I'd estimate 20+ years, which is exhausting to think about.

 

[Alive42long]

The thought has been running in my mind since I was probably 13, but at 15 they became really strong. Had my first attempt at 17 and I'm turning 27 next month.

 

[ikigaimg]

Since I was 11-12

 

[Zyntkalla]

I don't know if I was depressed but I know I had this sensation that didn't feel right to me and I always struggled to the extreme because of it. I noticed this feeling about 3 or four years old. I also have this disconnected feeling and I am lacking a lot of things. I can't tell if it's a emotional thing or something else it something I can't quite explain but it's always there. But I am really thinking about my life and really can't handle any of this. I still have about 3-7 years before I go. There is still a few things I would like to get done and coming to terms with my decision.

 

[Gangrel]

Since my teens, always was the weird kid ya know. Bullying didn't help it and i grew up gay in a conservative family.

 

[HangMan123]

I started having thoughts of it when I was maybe 8 years old. Everyone would be happy and smiling and laughing at school and all I could think about is how much I didn't wanna be here anymore, or that it would be such a relief if I could just disappear.

I'll be 25 soon.

Mmmmmmm. Maybe at 11 is when it started to get really bad, but I remember having light thoughts about not wanting to be here in Pre-K, which is when I was 3 or 4. Maybe I'm just imagining things though, bc 3-4 is super young. But then again I do remember very early incidents where I thought that.

 

[PainRemains]

i definitely relate. sometimes it is really comforting knowing there's a way out of here. i love your profile pic and name btw. im a huge lorna shore fan

Hell yeah, they're my favorite band. What's your favorite song?

 

[failedmind]

Hell yeah, they're my favorite band. What's your favorite song?

so many but i love pain remains I and death can take me. whats yours?