how long do I stay in this world anymore?

[Moony21]

Hi Guys

I want to Exchange a bit with other peoples obtaining N at home. When do you plan to past away? I have the N since june and I don't really have a plan when to do it etc.

Greetings,
Moony21

 

[bigj75]

Doesn't that expire?

 

[Moony21]

Doesn't that expire?

sure in the end of 2019. I am afraid that I can not drink the two bottles because I have had problems with children since childhood

 

[OkTotti]

yeah, i keep on wondering for those who have their hands on N. why are you waiting? but maybe i'm being very desperate today and my mind is out of my wits with my current situation and my depression

 

[Moony21]

I feel sick every day and me too I have depression. And some days I feel so bad then I want to do it, but then I felt so gulity because of my husband and my dog. I thunk I'll plan it for January 2019. And how do you want to end your life?

 

[OkTotti]

I feel sick every day and me too I have depression. And some days I feel so bad then I want to do it, but then I felt so gulity because of my husband and my dog. I thunk I'll plan it for January 2019. And how do you want to end your life?

N. sounds ideal. I want to CTB while falling asleep. And, it would be hard on my family, especially my parents so that factors if I CTB on any given day.

 

[Chinaski]

yeah, i keep on wondering for those who have their hands on N. why are you waiting?

The same logic applies to literally anyone who has access to a firearm, can fashion a noose, walk to a train track, whatever.

N doesn't arrive with a side order of courage, sadly. It requires the same degree of mental strength as every other method.

 

[Moony21]

Sorry don't know the word "CTB" sorry can you help he?
yes thats hard I guess... but it's hard too for us, if you arent happy in life and passed throuh hard time... I am so tired of living since I was stared to think when I was a young Child i told my mother I want to kill myself in the forest

 

[Moony21]

The same logic applies to literally anyone who has access to a firearm, can fashion a noose, walk to a train track, whatever.

N doesn't arrive with a side order of courage, sadly. It requires the same degree of mental strength as every other method.

You hit the point. On some days, I am full of doubt and guilt

 

[OkTotti]

Sorry don't know the word "CTB" sorry can you help he?
yes thats hard I guess... but it's hard too for us, if you arent happy in life and passed throuh hard time... I am so tired of living since I was stared to think when I was a young Child i told my mother I want to kill myself in the forest

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/acronyms-on-here-for-new-users.6031/

CTB means the killing yourself (catch the bus)

How did you obtain N. since you've just joined this site?

 

[Moony21]

ah well ok thx :)

I wrote A an E-Mail. I had the contact details from the PPH. I didnt know the site before. But It helps a lot the speak about CTB...

 

[Moony21]

Oh no so n is broken in pieces? That's bad. And now you need to organized a new?

Me too...

 

[Retched]

Sorry you are in so much turmoil. I wish I had N though. You have great willpower not drinking it.

 

[Retched]

I'd reckon the sound of that bottle hitting the ground would make little noise to none at all. Just a small thud, the impact's low enough to keep the bottle unharmed. I'd then just walk up and snag it like there's no tomorrow. But then after all, what am I doing there watching the vet taking a shit in the first place?

I rarely smile, let alone chuckle, and you had me chuckling right then and there.

 

[Chinaski]

But then after all, what am I doing there watching the vet taking a shit in the first place?

Unforseen plot twist to this thread, l must say.

People often say "if l had n I'd drink it immediately". I bet most folk think that when ordering. This is incorrect imo, N requires the same summoning of strength as hanging, or any other method. What it *does* provide is comfort; a knowledge that the immediate release, the off switch, is there when it's needed, and it's surprising how as a result of having N in possession one can go on a little bit longer with that comfort.

 

[Moony21]

Sorry you are in so much turmoil. I wish I had N though. You have great willpower not drinking it.

Some days when I feel reallY bad psychisch and phisical then I really want to CTB... I have prepared all the documents ant letters etc. And I was so happy when I finally hold N in my hands but then I was really scared if I can swallow so much liquid...

 

[Moony21]

Unforseen plot twist to this thread, l must say.

People often say "if l had n I'd drink it immediately". I bet most folk think that when ordering. This is incorrect imo, N requires the same summoning of strength as hanging, or any other method. What it *does* provide is comfort; a knowledge that the immediate release, the off switch, is there when it's needed, and it's surprising how as a result of having N in possession one can go on a little bit longer with that comfort.

Exactly...

 

[OkTotti]

Unforseen plot twist to this thread, l must say.

People often say "if l had n I'd drink it immediately". I bet most folk think that when ordering. This is incorrect imo, N requires the same summoning of strength as hanging, or any other method. What it *does* provide is comfort; a knowledge that the immediate release, the off switch, is there when it's needed, and it's surprising how as a result of having N in possession one can go on a little bit longer with that comfort.

Yes, makes sense. thanks

When I first had suicide thoughts, I thought I had the perfect plan to ensure death. I found a place in my city where I can book a high rise with a balcony on really high floor (above 30 stories) but after coming to SS and reading about the survival instincts. I realize this maybe the best way to go for me.... and after reading about N., i think this is my preference

 

[worldexploder]

I wish I had that liquid gold! I personally wouldn't hesitate to take it as soon as I could. I'm a sedative sort of fella. Anything like nitrogen or Nembutal would be easy for me. I'm not sure what the expiration date is on Nembutal. I just wish what you had.

 

[Chinaski]

I wonder how you're still not banned for your hateful rhetoric and attitude towards a lot of people here. Seems like you're tryong to impose the pain and negativity on us that you suffered from folks unrelated to this site. I'd appreciate if you never quoted me again.

I'd also appreciate it if you provided evidence of any "hateful rhetoric and attitude" that I've exhibited on here.

 

[Chinaski]

You've been a lurker, you join, what, yesterday? Your debut post was some inanity about getting a job in a vets to drink N, you then interrupt a goodbye thread to ask the person summoning courage to ctb about methods, now you're claiming this is *your place of sanctity* on day 2? Forgive me for thinking there's perhaps some history here, as you've quite clearly joined this site with an intense dislike for me before you've even posted.

By all means go through my posting history and unearth all my unpleasant posts; l reserve the right to discount any of the ones aimed at scammers or those defending scammers, people you wouldn't fucking notice, because you'd be too keen to lap up their performative empathy and false emoting.

By the way, I'm certainly not being "defensive like l got my ass kicked" right now, I'm exercising my right to reply in order to challenge you to provide evidence any of my "hateful rhetoric" publicly, on here. I make it clear l don't fucking like you one bit, l don't like this personal shit you're bringing and I'm deeply suspicious of your motives.

 

[Chinaski]

Thanks for your beautiful and heartwarming welcome. You're what really makes this community a great place to be a part of. I hope the mods ban you cause I don't want you to respond to any more of my messages. How difficult is it for you to leave me alone when you hate me so much?

That wasn't a "welcome", it was a direct reply to your personal attack. Absolutely pathetic cry-bully tactics after accusing me of being "defensive".

I'll leave you alone, you keep away from me. Deal?

 

[Threads]

How about we just get along? Or block users that bother us.

No need to derail a thread,

 

[weedoge]

I could go back in your history and show a ton of messages of your disgusting attitude and negativity towards desperate people on this site. I'd been a lurker for a long time before recently joining and I've seen you hurt a lot of poor folks here. When others call out your behavior you go defensive and lash out harder like you just got your ass kicked. You have my idea about my life and only humor is what really keeping me sane at this point. Stop trolling me and leave the poor folks alone, this is our place of refuge where we're understood and cared by others. Get lost.

Everyone here is suffering in someway, some of us in ways other than others. I understand Chinaski's posts may be distressing but I can understand him at least because I've had similar issues where I've been almost irrationally suspicious of the motives of others. Speaking from my point of view very openly, It feels justified because there really are people here, and in every community, with odd motives and there's no way to know who is here to prey on vulnerable people. From what little I spoke with Chinaski he felt similarly but was a bit more active in pursuing those feelings. I'm not trying to get him off the hook or justify any behaviour, all I'm trying to say is even while he's angry at you, please try to understand just for a moment that it's not as personal as you think, if he made a mistake then great, chalk it up to his past experiences. I've also attacked a couple of members here and deeply regretted it when I knew I didn't really have any evidence and did my best to make that right, even suggested a member that I accidentally got banned to appeal the ban and such.

To be honest I have a feeling Chinaski might disagree with me and stand by what he said, but please still think of it from that pov for just a second. Anyway, I hope you have a half decent day.

 

[WayOut]

I enjoyed the language as a cherry on the top.

Well, what have we here? I know you. :)

 

[Goldie]

What happened to Chinaski? Did he get banned?

 

[weedoge]

What happened to Chinaski? Did he get banned?

I think he got the information he needed from the forum and is taking some time away.

 

[OkTotti]

I think he got the information he needed from the forum and is taking some time away.

that's too bad... i enjoyed his informative posts but he did have a bit of 'know it all' attitude

 

[MexicanTravels]

that's too bad... i enjoyed his informative posts but he did have a bit of 'know it all' attitude

I just didn't enjoy his need to interject cheap humor everywhere especially in sensitive situations and jump the gun when it came to "suspicious" users. It's in the rules not the buy and sell stuff on here. If somebody does, just report them to the mods. No need to cause a huge ruckus.

Anyway, I plan to CTB either in a couple of weeks or after New Years with N.

 

[weedoge]

I just didn't enjoy his need to interject cheap humor everywhere especially in sensitive situations and jump the gun when it came to "suspicious" users. It's in the rules not the buy and sell stuff on here. If somebody does, just report them to the mods. No need to cause a huge ruckus.

Anyway, I plan to CTB either in a couple of weeks or after New Years with N.

that's too bad... i enjoyed his informative posts but he did have a bit of 'know it all' attitude

Can't say I saw the cheap humour in sensitive situations because that's the kind of thing that I would pick up on and be equally pissed about. If you see something like that just call it out calmly, a genuine person will be surprisingly reasonable if you're not rude about it.

I think he is just confident in what he believes, if you trust that you have something valuable to contribute to an important issue and can do so in a way that makes it appear that you believe what you're saying, is that so bad?

I think "jumping the gun" is really the only issue here, everything else is a petty personal gripe and needn't be brought up here, just as I don't speak about my gripes with someone else unless they're here to defend themselves. I'd say the reason he causes a big ruckus is because chances are if he or somebody else doesn't, then vulnerable ppl are going to get preyed on via pms or some other imaginary scenario, since it has happened at least once it's understandable to be concerned and some people may think they have more invested in stopping scumbags than the moderators who are just trying to keep the forum tidy.

Again, not justifying anything just trying to give a bit of an explanation. It's easy to get wrapped up in concerns about ppls motives and become hypervigilant and distrustful of the smallest things.

Anyway, I just really don't think he's as bad a dude as some people are assuming very quickly, and by requesting a ban and taking some time for himself, I think he's shown great maturity in this situation too. (I won't derail anymore sowwy)