Discussion How likely is it that you are going to CTB? On a scale of 1-10.

[Dark Window]

How likely are you going to CTB?

I wanna know how many people here are definitely going to CTB or are just considering? Maybe some of you are just basking in suicidal ideation while going through a difficult period.

 

[iloverachel]

8-9
Not killing myself yet because of the effect it will have on my parents

But I am almost certain i am not sticking around in this hell hole for another 5 decades. NO WAY!

 

[Dark Window]

8-9
Not killing myself yet because of the effect it will have on my parents

But I am almost certain i am not sticking around in this hell hole for another 5 decades. NO WAY!

8 or 9?

 

[rottenflesh]

only 2 days left, booked a hotel room and everything. cant wait to go!!

 

[Dark Window]

only 2 days left, booked a hotel room and everything. cant wait to go!!

If you're absolutely sure you can't get better, you've tried lots and nothing works, and you definitely want death, then rest in peace bro.

 

[tbroken]

9, almost there.

 

[Dark Window]

5/10 for me. For me it's the uncertainty because I'm having so many tests at the doctors and no answers yet. 9 months down the line and I cannot work. But I'm hopeful.

I've never considered suicide this strongly in my life. I cannot go above or below 5 or above 6.

If it goes another months and more and more tests and things aren't working, I think I may be at a 7 by end of next month, and be 9 middle of the year.

 

[LevUwU]

6-7/10

Desperate want to, I would give anything for a loaded shotgun to appear in my hands right now. But every other method I've done, I always back out. Moronic survival instinct. If I could bypass the frankly foolish slimmer of hope and the unfortunate truth of human desire to survive, I'd be 6 feet under by now

 

[Dark Window]

6-7/10

Desperate want to, I would give anything for a loaded shotgun to appear in my hands right now. But every other method I've done, I always back out. Moronic survival instinct. If I could bypass the frankly foolish slimmer of hope and the unfortunate truth of human desire to survive, I'd be 6 feet under by now

6 or 7 is more accurate?

 

[LevUwU]

6 or 7 is more accurate?

I'd probably say a 7 by OP's measure

 

[iloverachel]

8 or 9?

Voted 9

 

[Forever Sleep]

Between a 7 and an 8. It's not because my problems will ever be resolved that I'll back out, it's more likely the fear of failing an attempt may put me off.

 

[4am]

9, i'm definitely going to kms one day. maybe sooner, maybe later, i don't have the right method ready yet, but suicide is definitely the only way i'm gonna go out

 

[Dark Window]

9, i'm definitely going to kms one day. maybe sooner, maybe later, i don't have the right method ready yet, but suicide is definitely the only way i'm gonna go out

You don't think there's a chance it could get better for you?

 

[FuneralCry]

It's insulting to act like people are ill for preferring to not exist. My wish to die is a result of becoming aware of how truly undesirable existence is, rather than something to get "better" from, I have no interest in suffering in this disgusting and evil world, for me suicide is a rational solution to escape from the meaningless and torturous burden of existing of a human.

I don't understand those who act like others are ill for wanting death when nobody can suffer from not existing yet there is literally no limit as to how much agony one can feel as long as they exist, to me existence itself is the problem and I find it tragic how life even exists at all.

I'd always prefer to peacefully not exist than to suffer for decades just to die a slow painful death tormented by old age but of course not everyone has the privledge of being able to just painlessly die. What I'd fear is trying to die going wrong and just leading to way worse agony as a result, it's evil and sadistic to deny people the option of a peaceful suicide. I despise existence and this hellish world, I never would have chose any of this.

 

[hellispink]

It's not a matter of "if" but when.

 

[lixt]

Some hope was created some days ago, I will see if I get somewhere.

 

[4am]

You don't think there's a chance it could get better for you?

sorry, wanted to respond earlier but forgot. basically what funeralcry said. i don't see a point in living, i just prefer non-existence

 

[Dark Window]

sorry, wanted to respond earlier but forgot. basically what funeralcry said. i don't see a point in living, i just prefer non-existence

Understood.

Do you think it's depression/anhedonia?

 

[LunarLight]

8, SN is on the way. It arrived in my country today.

 

[Dark Window]

8, SN is on the way. It arrived in my country today.

8. So you aren't certain yet, but simply see no way out.

 

[evannave]

I'd say a 5/6. I just don't see myself being able to go on forever. But as of right now I think I can go on for a bit longer.

 

[arnxxx]

3-4... I've been feeling terrible for over 10 months and the last few months I had suicidal thoughts, read all about all options on this website. But I still have some hope left my life will become normal again.

 

[LunarLight]

8. So you aren't certain yet, but simply see no way out.

Yes. Meds never worked, therapy never worked. I haven't tried rTMS or ECT yet but they are unavailable where I live and I have to spend 3 hours in a train to see the only GP who may (or may not) prescribe rTMS/ECT for me to enter a clinic far from where I live, because GPs and psychiatrists here are assholes, tell me it's my fault if I'm so depressed and suffer so much, and keep prescribing meds that simply DO NOT WORK. Plus, this GP is awesome but overbooked and I do not know if I'll be able to have an appointment - and if I will, it will most likely be at least in three months. And, as I said, maybe she'll turn it down.
I simply can't take this anymore. I'm running out of energy. My partners begs me not to CTB for their sake, but... yeah, they're gonna be really sad if I leave this Earth, I know, but I have to focus on myself and the pain is unbearable. I won't make it.

 

[bookgirl]

I will die in 2024

 

[Dark Window]

Yes. Meds never worked, therapy never worked. I haven't tried rTMS or ECT yet but they are unavailable where I live and I have to spend 3 hours in a train to see the only GP who may (or may not) prescribe rTMS/ECT for me to enter a clinic far from where I live, because GPs and psychiatrists here are assholes, tell me it's my fault if I'm so depressed and suffer so much, and keep prescribing meds that simply DO NOT WORK. Plus, this GP is awesome but overbooked and I do not know if I'll be able to have an appointment - and if I will, it will most likely be at least in three months. And, as I said, maybe she'll turn it down.
I simply can't take this anymore. I'm running out of energy. My partners begs me not to CTB for their sake, but... yeah, they're gonna be really sad if I leave this Earth, I know, but I have to focus on myself and the pain is unbearable. I won't make it.

May I ask what your condition is?

 

[LunarLight]

May I ask what your condition is?

TR-MDD, GAD, ASD, ADHD, BPD, C-PTSD, GD. (if I don't forget anything)

 

[OCDsufferer]

9 I'm going through planning but I'm so throughly watched it's very hard

 

[Meteora]

I feel encouraged by everyone who does it. It lowers my fears and brings me closer to the final salvation.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

99.99999% certain.

Nothing on this planet can be 100%. One must always account for the "unknown unknowns".