How I want to CTB

[PongoHangs]

I think about dying every day, all day. I fantasize about no longer being here, I wanna make it clear that I'm not a very religious person. Though I am very open-minded, I enjoy discussions about thoughts, beliefs, and opinions on the topic of death. Anyway, I've been thinking about my preferred method. The first method to come to mind was overdosing, which I have done a couple of times maybe a few. I already talked about one of those times, It was a Fentanyl powder overdose. And honestly, I don't remember there being any pain, I remember the pain after being revived. It was horrible I was throwing up a disgusting amount of vomit. But If I had just CTB then I think it would've been a very peaceful way out. Unlike when I tried to OD on Adderral, this was very uncomfortable for me. It made me nauseous and sick to my stomach. So I kept vomiting out the pills which you don't wanna do when overdosing... Either way, I still had to go to the ER for 2 days where I almost got my stomach pumped. After 2 days, I was transferred to a Facility, I didn't like it at all. Unpopular opinion but the stigma around Mental Hospitals is a little justified sometimes. But I don't wanna risk being sent away or detained if I fail my next attempt, so I need to get my hands on something that will get the job done. I'm not currently in a manic rush to CTB but I do plan to I really wanna do it with Fentanyl but if that doesn't become available I'm currently trying to come up with a backup plan. Which shouldn't be too hard, people die every day.

 

[FuneralCry]

Failing ctb sounds so horrible to me personally and that is exactly what I fear, so of course it's very much understandable wishing for a reliable plan to leave this world. Unfortunately at least to me, leaving this world in a reliable way isn't always straightforward to plan but anyway I wish you the best. I really hate how other people think that they have the right to interfere in other people's suicide attempts, it's cruel to prolong somebody else's suffering against their wishes and force them into an awful psych ward.