How does death/ctb make you feel..?

[cscott]

Like for me it's really hard when I think of getting my last bits and just drinking something alone in my home with no one & just waiting to go or experiencing symptoms & having to just ride through to get my desired result…

Even having someone there's just this feeling that I know I'm alone & it's just u in ur own mind going through this ..

Even jumping something I longed to do for so long, it hurts to just think if I did do that.. it still is just me going somewhere & jumping alone, floating until it's just lights out.. like how does one just accept with peace the loneliness of your exit & how it can feel so sad

I also have this scary fear of like just in my house drinking something im trapped still, like I'm not getting that freeing feeling like if I were to jump .. but does any method feel more freeing than the other or is it all in ur head ?

 

[Captive_Mind515]

Mixed bag really. Sometimes calm, sometimes nervous. I put a lot of effort into accepting my fate and remaining as calm as possible, but it's human nature to be apprehensive about something so big.

I remember watching a video on a Japanese guy going to dignitas (or similar), and he had some very rare painful form of MND. Really debilitating and quickly getting worse every day. When the time finally arrived and he was given the green light for euthanasia, he just looked so incredibly happy that he would finally get relief from his suffering and could finally get some rest from this arduous battle. He was suffering so much, that it just seemed like someone was giving him permission to rest and sleep... it didn't look like death, just a long needed rest.

I like to think about people like that, and how they viewed death... rather than thinking about the physical act of killing one's body. Because ultimately that's what death is to all of us in the end - a chance to finally rest and get perfect relief from all the multitude of things that pain us or exhaust us in some way. And we all deserve that rest. It's a peaceful feeling for me.

 

[FuneralCry]

The thought of permanently ceasing to exist is the only comfort for me, it's relieving to think of being unable to suffer for all eternity. I just hate existing in general and very strongly believe it only causes harm, this futile process of just waiting around to die doesn't interest me anyway, I only wish for nothingness.

But in my case the problem lies in how suicide methods for me are either risky or inacessible, I wish there's easily accessible Nembutal, I just hate how it's so difficult to die and the thought of trying to die going wrong terrifies me.

 

[cscott]

The thought of permanently ceasing to exist is the only comfort for me, it's relieving to think of being unable to suffer for all eternity. I just hate existing in general and very strongly believe it only causes harm, this futile process of just waiting around to die doesn't interest me anyway, I only wish for nothingness.

But in my case the problem lies in how suicide methods for me are either risky or inacessible, I wish there's easily accessible Nembutal, I just hate how it's so difficult to die and the thought of trying to die going wrong terrifies me.

So if there is never access to N will you just live out to your natural death feeling the way you do ?

I long for nothingness so much too but the thought of when I do finally get my thing is to just sit and drink my drink by myself and be lone some while I await to fall unconscious just seems so sad & low like it scares the life out of me

 

[FuneralCry]

So if there is never access to N will you just live out to your natural death feeling the way you do ?

I certainly hope not. Honestly I don't know what will happen, I don't have any plans to leave this existence in the near future, hopefully somehow I manage to pass away in my sleep but of course that would be far too good to be true.

 

[AshH]

I certainly hope not. Honestly I don't know what will happen, I don't have any plans to leave this existence in the near future, hopefully somehow I manage to pass away in my sleep but of course that would be far too good to be true.

That's what will mostly happen since the average lifespan is around 80yo.