How do you want to be found?

[Bikishii]

My preferred method(s) would ideally make it look like my death would be peaceful. Given what's around me, it'll probably still look like a suicide, but I don't want to be some bloated hanging corpse with my lips puffed up and huge tongue sticking out. I want to wear my "Sunday best", the most beautiful dress I own, the perfect (read: not most "glamorous", just perfect) makeup, a proper pose (assuming I don't seize and convulse and shit), just looking as peaceful as possible. Unless of course I "accidentally" drive off a cliff, maybe shoot myself in the process, who knows.

Either way, how do you want to be found? Do you want to be found, or do you want to remain a lost mystery, a John/Jane Doe? I can't decide if I want to look "perfect" or if I just want to disappear. But hey, SaSu, enlighten me please.

How is it that you want people to see you when they finally find you?

 

[auti]

I'm going for the "perfect" route. I remember being 13 and telling myself I couldn't die yet because I wasn't pretty. Well fuck that. I look perfect already.

 

[avstin]

it would be a dream to look like the woman from the legendary photo of the most beautiful suicide there is but I fear it is not the case and one can almost never look pretty. it will be dirty, no matter what you do. you will puke or piss or shit yourself or look bloated or blue or maybe your organs will be all over the walls. I'm almost convinced you cannot look peaceful when dead by suicide and thus I would wish to be found as quickly as possible or never

 

[Imausername]

I'm just leaving a note on the door but I plan to cut words into my arms. I normally do that. I guess I'm over the whole how I'll be found part.

 

[Bikishii]

it would be a dream to look like the woman from the legendary photo of the most beautiful suicide there is but I fear it is not the case and one can almost never look pretty. it will be dirty, no matter what you do. you will puke or piss or shit yourself or look bloated or blue or maybe your organs will be all over the walls. I'm almost convinced you cannot look peaceful when dead by suicide and thus I would wish to be found as quickly as possible or never

That car photo, right? She jumped and landed on a car and just looked so perfect peaceful, right? Agreed, I totally get that. I mean, I'm sure once the coroner got a hold of her she looked a lot less "beautiful" (pfft, whatever that is) but yeah, I'm in the same boat. I want to look beautiful. Not necessarily more so than usual, but just showing that I tried to do things "right", not on impulse. With the purest of intentions.

 

[if_i_make_it]

i would like to look as normal and peaceful as possible, but like others have said, its not really feasible. I'm considering booking a hotel so at least my family will not have to find me, but then I'd feel bad for the hotel worker… someones gotta find me eventually i guess.

 

[avstin]

That car photo, right? She jumped and landed on a car and just looked so perfect peaceful, right? Agreed, I totally get that. I mean, I'm sure once the coroner got a hold of her she looked a lot less "beautiful" (pfft, whatever that is) but yeah, I'm in the same boat. I want to look beautiful. Not necessarily more so than usual, but just showing that I tried to do things "right", not on impulse. With the purest of intentions.

yeah, that's the one:) it's ironic that she managed to do it while jumping impulsively. but despite everything, I wish you success and that your death and its aftermath be as peaceful as possible<3

 

[Bikishii]

i would like to look as normal and peaceful as possible, but like others have said, its not really feasible. I'm considering booking a hotel so at least my family will not have to find me, but then I'd feel bad for the hotel worker… someones gotta find me eventually i guess.

It definitely isn't, no matter our method, there's the possibility we could just puke on ourselves and, even if our body itself looks peaceful, we ourselves (as a unit) could look nasty, look like shit. It is what it is. But we can certainly try our best, and hey, that's better than just doing nothing and being unwashed for a week and a half and impulsively ending it all. Whoever has to deal with finding us will at least know we tried.

Hey, somebody's gonna find us eventually, unless we try to go the John/Jane Doe route and just disappear, but even then someone may still find us. Hopefully skeletonized at that point so we aren't even hardly a vessel of our old selves. But... eh. The least we can do is try, if that's what we're going for.

yeah, that's the one:) it's ironic that she managed to do it while jumping impulsively. but despite everything, I wish you success and that your death and its aftermath be as peaceful as possible<3

Damn, impulsively no less! I suppose the vast majority of jumping suicides would be 80% impulsive, 20% "I've been meaning to do this anyways). Homegirl just lucked out by happening to look so peaceful upon her death. The Russian jumpers who just flop on the ground lightly or (even worse) take someone down with them ain't got nothing on the peaceful suicide lady!
Thanks for everyone being nice about this, by the way. I know this is far from the spiciest thread on this website, but I'm just in my feelings (not necessarily CTB feelings) and feel sad and lame and like a loser and am just happy that none of you are clowning on me like "oh my god, this whiny bitchy motherfucker cares about how they'll look when they die? what a bittch baby" and instead are responding genuinely.

I appreciate it. You guys are pretty damn great, and I appreciate having found this forum and having found people like you guys.

 

[Rogue_Gendarme]

That car photo, right? She jumped and landed on a car and just looked so perfect peaceful, right? Agreed, I totally get that. I mean, I'm sure once the coroner got a hold of her she looked a lot less "beautiful" (pfft, whatever that is) but yeah, I'm in the same boat. I want to look beautiful. Not necessarily more so than usual, but just showing that I tried to do things "right", not on impulse. With the purest of intentions

If you have a link or the photo itself, can I see?

Either way, how do you want to be found? Do you want to be found, or do you want to remain a lost mystery, a John/Jane Doe? I can't decide if I want to look "perfect" or if I just want to disappear. But hey, SaSu, enlighten me please.

Asleep, most preferably. But I would likely convulse. My SN plan includes a lot of drugs and tons and tons of other shit. I will most likely puke some stuff out and just suffer from the SN. I will take 30gm of SN to be sure. Per cup, of course. And the rest, I'll post later, asking for a critique.

 

[Bikishii]

If you have a link or the photo itself, can I see?

Asleep, most preferably. But I would likely convulse. My SN plan includes a lot of drugs and tons and tons of other shit. I will most likely puke some stuff out and just suffer from the SN. I will take 30gm of SN to be sure. Per cup, of course. And the rest, I'll post later, asking for a critique.

Here you go! https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Evelyn_McHale

Also, great minds clearly think alike. No matter which substances I ingest, or how much I ingest, I want to be found "asleep" in some way. Either that way, or looking like it was an accident. Sam here that if I go the SN or CO route, trust and believe there'll be a metric fuckton of sedatives beyond our dear friend alcohol, and plenty of Zofran to make sure everything stays down.

 

[Rogue_Gendarme]

Here you go! https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Evelyn_McHale

Thanks!!!

Also, great minds clearly think alike. No matter which substances I ingest, or how much I ingest, I want to be found "asleep" in some way. Either that way, or looking like it was an accident. Sam here that if I go the SN or CO route, trust and believe there'll be a metric fuckton of sedatives beyond our dear friend alcohol, and plenty of Zofran to make sure everything stays down.

If you also have another AE like Meto or Domperidone, be sure to combine it with the Zofran as it's stated in the PPH that that combination (and medically speaking along with PPI's) is significantly more effective than just either. And since you would drink alcohol as a sedative, I think you'd need it, given that alcohol is indeed an emetic. And yes, metric fuckton is the term. I'm just gonna spill it out here: 15mg Xanax + 100mg TripGen + 500mg Valpros + 400mg Gabapentin + 30mg Domperidone + 40mg Esomeprazole + ~500mg of antacid. THEN the SN, lmfao. Man, I really need a critique (I'll post soon).

 

[Bikishii]

Thanks!!!

If you also have another AE like Meto or Domperidone, be sure to combine it with the Zofran as it's stated in the PPH that that combination (and medically speaking along with PPI's) is significantly more effective than just either. And since you would drink alcohol as a sedative, I think you'd need it, given that alcohol is indeed an emetic. And yes, metric fuckton is the term. I'm just gonna spill it out here: 15mg Xanax + 100mg TripGen + 500mg Valpros + 400mg Gabapentin + 30mg Domperidone + 40mg Esomeprazole + ~500mg of antacid. THEN the SN, lmfao. Man, I really need a critique (I'll post soon).

This is good news to know, because I've got quite the abundance of most of them I'd really, really love to add barbiturates to the mix just to make things extra "spicy." I've got a fairly intractable (though survivable) chronic disease and I've got the gift of gab, maybe I could convince my doctor to prescribe me phenobarbital. I know it's not ideal as sacobarbital or even the beautiful pentobarbital, but hey, it's a barbiturate nonetheless, and mixing it with both benzos AND alcohol in addition to other methods? What can I say, I'm sold!

 

[Rogue_Gendarme]

This is good news to know, because I've got quite the abundance of most of them I'd really, really love to add barbiturates to the mix just to make things extra "spicy." I've got a fairly intractable (though survivable) chronic disease and I've got the gift of gab, maybe I could convince my doctor to prescribe me phenobarbital. I know it's not ideal as sacobarbital or even the beautiful pentobarbital, but hey, it's a barbiturate nonetheless, and mixing it with both benzos AND alcohol in addition to other methods? What can I say, I'm sold!

This man is living the dream, haha

 

[Shadows From Hell]

If I'm dead, I can care less how I look.

 

[Bikishii]

This man is living the dream, haha

Woman, but yes! I don't know if it's due to my Irish heritage or growing up as a theater kid (or both) but I know how to talk my way out of (or into) a situation whenever I need to! Not trying to humblebrag, just speaking the truth heheh~

Still, benzodiazepines are a nice addition, but they don't have so narrow a therapeutic a therapeutic range as the barbiturates do, and I'd sure love to add those to the mix! Barbs alone (as long as the dose is high enough) would be okay, but adding some benzos to the mix just to make it extra certain is always nice. Thank god my psychiatrist has Big Pharma so deep in his pockets, it's incredibly easy to talk him into a prescription of (almost) whatever you want if you know what to say. Not barbs, though.

Gonna have to my chronic illness doctor for that. Gonna be extremely unlikely (ugh, DOs are more ethical and usually better persons than MDs!) but not impossible for me to manipulate to get phenobarbital. We'll see what happens! Once I get a decent supply of all of them... Well, I don't want to be a temporary bummer to you guys, but once I get a sufficient quantity of everything together, don't be surprised if one day you see "Last Seen: [old date]"

 

[BillyBob]

I plan to be found under a large tree which is not found far from the walk track I do most days. It is in a good place where my body will hopefully be found the next day.

 

[Front Back]

something like this, hopefully.

I plan to be found under a large tree which is not found far from the walk track I do most days. It is in a good place where my body will hopefully be found the next day.

I hope you call authorities before CTB, poor morning joggers about to get PTSD with big trees

 

[Drowningindespair]

My preferred method(s) would ideally make it look like my death would be peaceful. Given what's around me, it'll probably still look like a suicide, but I don't want to be some bloated hanging corpse with my lips puffed up and huge tongue sticking out. I want to wear my "Sunday best", the most beautiful dress I own, the perfect (read: not most "glamorous", just perfect) makeup, a proper pose (assuming I don't seize and convulse and shit), just looking as peaceful as possible. Unless of course I "accidentally" drive off a cliff, maybe shoot myself in the process, who knows.

Either way, how do you want to be found? Do you want to be found, or do you want to remain a lost mystery, a John/Jane Doe? I can't decide if I want to look "perfect" or if I just want to disappear. But hey, SaSu, enlighten me please.

How is it that you want people to see you when they finally find you?

I want to be found a disgusting bloody mess. I want to be wearing one of my favorite band shirts while my brains are blown out on the wall. Preferably in my room and with loud music on. That's just the fantasy of mine.

 

[FuneralCry]

It could never matter to me as I'll be gone, free from this torturous, dreadful and cruel existence of suffering all for the sake of it that I just always saw as a mistake, to suffer in this existence will just always be an abomination to me and I'll only be glad to never suffer again. For me only non-existence could ever be positive, for me ceasing to exist is the positive solution to find peace from the torturous, dreadful burden of existing, I don't see how this could matter as all will be gone and forgotten in non-existence, nothing can concern those who are permanently unconscious.

 

[LitlaTa]

I wouldn't want to be found hanging all puffy, I've been a bit into the full hanging lately and I'd probably call the police just before and let them find me in a tree or something instead of my family or boyfriend finding me at home/his house. I want to be dressed beautifully, freshly showered, smelling great with beautiful makeup and look clean so could be as innocent as I possibly can before passing. I'm not sure what my goodbyes would be if I'd have any but if I'm brave enough we'll see.

 

[Pale_Rider]

Good question. I've never thought of things like notes, etc , but I don't think I want to be found. As I know others would like it. I also realize that's near impossible to accomplish.

 

[Bikishii]

I wouldn't want to be found hanging all puffy, I've been a bit into the full hanging lately and I'd probably call the police just before and let them find me in a tree or something instead of my family or boyfriend finding me at home/his house. I want to be dressed beautifully, freshly showered, smelling great with beautiful makeup and look clean so could be as innocent as I possibly can before passing. I'm not sure what my goodbyes would be if I'd have any but if I'm brave enough we'll see.

I've thought of that kind of thing. I live much too close to a dispatch building to make it feasible to call 911 before I go, but it's still tempting. Maybe I could send them a timed text, since I know that's fina;;y possible in America? Who knows. I wouldn't want anyone else to be hurt considering how dangerous CO can be,

And subtle though it may be, you bring up a good point. I didn't consciously think of it in my post, but I too would like to be smelling of my perfume, my signature scent when I go. It's not all that rare, but it's not all that common either, so It'll be enough to stick with those important enough to me, but not to the point that they'll feel it every day. Damn... Now you're making me want to pile it on (not excessively) heavy when I CTB. Thanks for making me think of that!

 

[Rogue_Gendarme]

Woman, but yes! I don't know if it's due to my Irish heritage or growing up as a theater kid (or both) but I know how to talk my way out of (or into) a situation whenever I need to! Not trying to humblebrag, just speaking the truth heheh~

Apologies if I misgendered you, but nice to meet an Irish person here! I'm Filipino, FYI, we're like a thousand miles apart currently T0T (the internet is both a curse and a wonderful thing). Still, being able to talk your way out of a situation is a pleasant character trait, I imagine being a thespian helped you somewhat baha

Still, benzodiazepines are a nice addition, but they don't have so narrow a therapeutic a therapeutic range as the barbiturates do, and I'd sure love to add those to the mix! Barbs alone (as long as the dose is high enough) would be okay, but adding some benzos to the mix just to make it extra certain is always nice. Thank god my psychiatrist has Big Pharma so deep in his pockets, it's incredibly easy to talk him into a prescription of (almost) whatever you want if you know what to say. Not barbs, though.

I agree. I think certainly benzo's are the guarantors, if such a term exists, of a painless death. Although, if it is feasible, I heard opioids produce a much more satisfactory slumber as a prelude to a final sleep. Barbs could be substituted for them, however the dose is in the unknown. If you really have a magical doctor in your pocket, I imagine getting a couple of grams of Morphine or Codeine or opioids wouldn't be an issue. (Just bringing it up to help a fellow stranger find a peaceful end...) Or there's a 5 cocktail mix in the recent PPH book. Maybe you'd like that, as alcohol is somewhat of an unknown variable. (Sometimes, you die, other times you might wake up after a 30hr sleep and be a semi-vegetable for the remaining days...)

Gonna have to my chronic illness doctor for that. Gonna be extremely unlikely (ugh, DOs are more ethical and usually better persons than MDs!) but not impossible for me to manipulate to get phenobarbital. We'll see what happens! Once I get a decent supply of all of them... Well, I don't want to be a temporary bummer to you guys, but once I get a sufficient quantity of everything together, don't be surprised if one day you see "Last Seen: [old date]"

Good luck with that, you seem quite nice, so I hope you find your liberation in one way or another. I hate that fact, because there are so many people here that are so nice but have just been fucked over by life so much that they've reached their boiling points and are now just actively premeditating their deaths. But at least we're all here together... We're all waiting for our tickets one way or another. I hope you find yours

 

[Bikishii]

Apologies if I misgendered you, but nice to meet an Irish person here! I'm Filipino, FYI, we're like a thousand miles apart currently T0T (the internet is both a curse and a wonderful thing). Still, being able to talk your way out of a situation is a pleasant character trait, I imagine being a thespian helped you somewhat baha

I agree. I think certainly benzo's are the guarantors, if such a term exists, of a painless death. Although, if it is feasible, I heard opioids produce a much more satisfactory slumber as a prelude to a final sleep. Barbs could be substituted for them, however the dose is in the unknown. If you really have a magical doctor in your pocket, I imagine getting a couple of grams of Morphine or Codeine or opioids wouldn't be an issue. (Just bringing it up to help a fellow stranger find a peaceful end...) Or there's a 5 cocktail mix in the recent PPH book. Maybe you'd like that, as alcohol is somewhat of an unknown variable. (Sometimes, you die, other times you might wake up after a 30hr sleep and be a semi-vegetable for the remaining days...)

Good luck with that, you seem quite nice, so I hope you find your liberation in one way or another. I hate that fact, because there are so many people here that are so nice but have just been fucked over by life so much that they've reached their boiling points and are now just actively premeditating their deaths. But at least we're all here together... We're all waiting for our tickets one way or another. I hope you find yours

You're fine! We're strangers after all, and on the internet people tend to assume someone else is a man, so no harm no foul. Just remember there are ladies on this site too! Women want to die too!! lol

Benzos as guarantors, I've never thought of that but I really really like that wording. I do know that opioids (especially when mixed with benzos) make for a very deadly and very pleasant cocktail. Maybe it's because of ego, but there's a lot of drug addiction on both sides of my family and I wouldn't want to be found with that in my system and have my family think I've been secretly using smack for years and years. As if that'd make any difference with a stomach full of benzos, alcohol, and 1950s-style mother's little helpers. On the note of PPH though, I've got a hardcover copy of it (a lot of info is certainly out of date), I'm no scientist but I've worked hands-on in laboratories before, so I would say that I know at least a little more than the average bear. I don't think their proposed method is what I'd want to go for at all, and it seems that it's got a bit of a reputation as the "cure all" (or "kill all" I guess lol) of suicide, the gold standard, and I simply can't agree with that. But hey, we all want to get off this planet someway somehow, and once we're dead it won't really matter how we left,

Liberation. Thank you, stranger, I hope you too find liberation however that may manifest for you. It definitely is sad seeing really nice people on here and then suddenly they're just gone forever. You don't know if they lost their account for some reason, just stopped logging on here after some time, or if they finally ctb. The old pro-anorexia forums were like that. But at the very least we get to talk openly about this and we don't have to be so solitary or isolated. We can be alone together. We can talk together and share our thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Sharing our mistakes so others don't have to learn a lesson the hard way like we did.

Anyway, sending you love and a digital hug, cyber stranger