How do you plan on dealing with SI when the time comes?

[Tarinel]

I have SN and everything I need to ctb and I planned on doing it today but I just couldn't. I have gone through this before and I have deduced that at the last few moments towards ctbing, my mind usually somehow avoids thinking about death completely. I just freeze and ask myself if I am really going through with this. Since I am pretty young, I also normally wonder if I am doing the right thing even if I am 100% sure that I should ctb and I also know that I will be like some of you guys who regret of not ctbing at a young age. Also the silence and stillness of that moment really makes it surreal that in the next few hours you won't exist. I have dealt with different manifestations of SI like the fear of the unknown and I believe that if I get through this one, I will finally ctb. Are there any of you who have gone through the same experience and know what to do? I don't think the answer is more and more introspection because I that only helps in knowing why you are ctbing.

 

[SVEN]

Probably with extreme difficulty.
All I can think of is going through as many of the steps leading up to the action as it is practicable to do. Hopefully that way when I finally attempt it for real it won't all seem quite so strange and weird as I won't be doing these things for the very first time.

 

[Adûnâi]

(I might get banned for this post.)

I'd probably "man up" because if girls can do it, I can as well. Although of course, my ideal would be that of a samurai. I'm even thinking if it's not better to drink SN when sitting because that's how samurai did it, sitting.