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ghostspace
ghost space, ghosts pace
- Feb 10, 2020
- 410
I don't know who else to talk to because I feel like I'm bothering everyone on here and like people really hate me and I do everything wrong. I know that's probably just my skewed perception but I'm so scared right now because I keep wanting to hurt myself and last time I needed stitches and I don't want to damage my body like that again.
I don't want to come off as attention-seeking or like I want a ton of reassurance, it just feels like something broke in my brain and I can't stop crying and pacing and doing things I usually never, ever do which scares me. im scared im so scared i can't think, everything is crushing me.
I feel sick and scared and alone. I've been having migraines every day or every other day for about a month now and it's making me want to impulsively CTB because when it's bad I can't even come on here because screens hurt to look at. So then I'm really alone.
I feel like a horrible person, I just want to talk to my (ex) friend one last time before I go this month, but she made it clear she wants no contact and I'm going to respect that. I don't want her to think it was because of her even if it does have to do with that, it's not anyone's fault that I can't tolerate this much hurting. I deserve it because these are the consequences to the horrible things I did to lose her, but I'm disgusting and weak and can't take it.
I finally talked about trauma in therapy today after two years of avoiding anything of substance. I feel like I'm making it all up and making a big deal out of nothing and also it was so triggering that I want to go walk in the dark until someone murders me. I wanted to scream at my therapist to shut up even though i was the one who brought it up. it hurts so much it's never going to stop hurting.
I just want my friend. I just want my friend back because she was always always here and now she's not in my life anymore and she was the last person I had. i hurt her. that's the worst thing i've ever done, i hurt her so much and it will never be okay.
I don't want to worry my family and don't want them to know i'm hurting myself and that I feel crazy right now, like nothing is real but the traumatic things are still happening?? i can feel it physically feel it i want to cut the feeling out of me because it makes me feel like i'm going to be sick.
i keep remembering all the good memories and thinking about how i poisoned it all.
i want to run away and hitchhike and disappear. i don't deserve anything, i need everyone to know how horrible I am. I can't stop crying, it's so quiet here, i don't know what to do, i can't move because im not in my body. im nothing and im so completely alone.
my whole body feels cold and i'm so so sad. i know i was happy at the beginning of the week but that feels far away
it's not okay it's eating me alive and i just want to hurry up time and be gone forever
I don't want to come off as attention-seeking or like I want a ton of reassurance, it just feels like something broke in my brain and I can't stop crying and pacing and doing things I usually never, ever do which scares me. im scared im so scared i can't think, everything is crushing me.
I feel sick and scared and alone. I've been having migraines every day or every other day for about a month now and it's making me want to impulsively CTB because when it's bad I can't even come on here because screens hurt to look at. So then I'm really alone.
I feel like a horrible person, I just want to talk to my (ex) friend one last time before I go this month, but she made it clear she wants no contact and I'm going to respect that. I don't want her to think it was because of her even if it does have to do with that, it's not anyone's fault that I can't tolerate this much hurting. I deserve it because these are the consequences to the horrible things I did to lose her, but I'm disgusting and weak and can't take it.
I finally talked about trauma in therapy today after two years of avoiding anything of substance. I feel like I'm making it all up and making a big deal out of nothing and also it was so triggering that I want to go walk in the dark until someone murders me. I wanted to scream at my therapist to shut up even though i was the one who brought it up. it hurts so much it's never going to stop hurting.
I just want my friend. I just want my friend back because she was always always here and now she's not in my life anymore and she was the last person I had. i hurt her. that's the worst thing i've ever done, i hurt her so much and it will never be okay.
I don't want to worry my family and don't want them to know i'm hurting myself and that I feel crazy right now, like nothing is real but the traumatic things are still happening?? i can feel it physically feel it i want to cut the feeling out of me because it makes me feel like i'm going to be sick.
i keep remembering all the good memories and thinking about how i poisoned it all.
i want to run away and hitchhike and disappear. i don't deserve anything, i need everyone to know how horrible I am. I can't stop crying, it's so quiet here, i don't know what to do, i can't move because im not in my body. im nothing and im so completely alone.
my whole body feels cold and i'm so so sad. i know i was happy at the beginning of the week but that feels far away
it's not okay it's eating me alive and i just want to hurry up time and be gone forever
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