UnnervedCompany
Student
- Jun 21, 2024
- 148
Just going to rant sorry for this in advance.
I don't want to be lonely anymore I want to feel connection I just want someone in my life who knows me cares for me and I can speak with them without fear. Im constantly afraid to speak to people wrong I can never share my true emotions can never reveal who I am as a person. Every try to make friends or connections it always fails and now thinking about it I'm the issue cause I'm the common denominator in every failed connection I had. I hate myself I want someone to love me so I can feel something. I listen to fking gay asmr cause it makes me feel as if someone is close to me. I just want someone who would ever be excited to see me but this never happened. How come in every relationship I'm in I text people in under a second no matter how busy or how I'm doing mentally yet I can wait 10 hours for someone.
And I hate the idea that all my thoughts and feelings have no weight like I'm only this cause I'm a man and or cause I'm only 18 I don't care let me feel something I am surrounded by people but none of them I can form a connection I am constantly afraid to tell people anything in my life I am always so lonely. I just want to be with someone anyone I don't care if romantic or friend just I want someone who can validate my emotions instead of gaslight me into believing I'm the mistake for every depressing emotion I have ever felt in my life.
My family LOVES to tell me it's my fault because I'm not religious enough or whatever the fuck but I don't care. I am trying so hard to improve I think about every situation I've been in and try to reason out what I do wrong but it's never enough I'm such a failure. It hurts to be so lonely and now I feel like such a loser because my issue is loss of connection while people are dying. I don't deserve sympathy I am a loss of space air energy I wish I was never born I hate existence. I hate how my mind tricks me into happiness for a week then I will feel emptiness for months just to pretend I was over dramatic when that one good week comes back again.
I hate myself so much. I am the worst thing in existence. I remember talking to someone telling them that I definitely make their life worse whenever they talk to me. They told me "don't overestimate your significance of your life to me." That person is my best friend. I don't think I'll ever forget that because it shows that not just I am a burden but I am so irrelevant I can't even be annoying enough for a person to acknowledge me.
Ok I'm currently going to sleep. The funny thing is this is how I feel all the time but my mind likes to suppress them and have them burst like a grenade after a moment of joy.
I don't want to be lonely anymore I want to feel connection I just want someone in my life who knows me cares for me and I can speak with them without fear. Im constantly afraid to speak to people wrong I can never share my true emotions can never reveal who I am as a person. Every try to make friends or connections it always fails and now thinking about it I'm the issue cause I'm the common denominator in every failed connection I had. I hate myself I want someone to love me so I can feel something. I listen to fking gay asmr cause it makes me feel as if someone is close to me. I just want someone who would ever be excited to see me but this never happened. How come in every relationship I'm in I text people in under a second no matter how busy or how I'm doing mentally yet I can wait 10 hours for someone.
And I hate the idea that all my thoughts and feelings have no weight like I'm only this cause I'm a man and or cause I'm only 18 I don't care let me feel something I am surrounded by people but none of them I can form a connection I am constantly afraid to tell people anything in my life I am always so lonely. I just want to be with someone anyone I don't care if romantic or friend just I want someone who can validate my emotions instead of gaslight me into believing I'm the mistake for every depressing emotion I have ever felt in my life.
My family LOVES to tell me it's my fault because I'm not religious enough or whatever the fuck but I don't care. I am trying so hard to improve I think about every situation I've been in and try to reason out what I do wrong but it's never enough I'm such a failure. It hurts to be so lonely and now I feel like such a loser because my issue is loss of connection while people are dying. I don't deserve sympathy I am a loss of space air energy I wish I was never born I hate existence. I hate how my mind tricks me into happiness for a week then I will feel emptiness for months just to pretend I was over dramatic when that one good week comes back again.
I hate myself so much. I am the worst thing in existence. I remember talking to someone telling them that I definitely make their life worse whenever they talk to me. They told me "don't overestimate your significance of your life to me." That person is my best friend. I don't think I'll ever forget that because it shows that not just I am a burden but I am so irrelevant I can't even be annoying enough for a person to acknowledge me.
Ok I'm currently going to sleep. The funny thing is this is how I feel all the time but my mind likes to suppress them and have them burst like a grenade after a moment of joy.
