How do you cope with life?

[deflationary]

Listening to copious amounts of music, reading and immersing myself in negativity and pessimism (helps with generating some sense of belonging and being understood), listening to podcasts about shit that I barely understand, running for some physical exercise mood boost, telling myself that there *is* an end to this. Add all that up and I'm coping alright on like 50% of days.

 

[Cheemo]

I'm a comp sci major too! how do you like it? It is a pretty tough, niche major and I can see how someone would be unsure about it. But it's very flexible and you don't have to do software engineering. I gave up my dreams of art school due to my mental illness so unfortunately I can't really relate to your situation. My family is also not privileged or Asian so the standards for me were low. But understand you are in the same position as millions of other students. Everyone gets thrown into adulthood. I've had to learn about taxes and bills on my own and trust me it's not gonna make you feel any less "immature." You'll just have different thoughts and feelings, like what if I cant pay this, what if I did this wrong, etc.

Just wondering, did your family ever describe you as lazy and a baby? Or make you feel that way in their actions? I noticed a lot of people from high-pressure and privileged families feel like you do because there's such a big pressure to perform. But then the people in their life don't do anything to help them adjust and grow. In fact they sometimes limit it purposefully, sometimes by helicopter parenting, by being straight up demeaning, or not caring at all. In the end it's not your fault and probably you've internalized their expectations of you. But it's your life, you can do what you want. And there are lots of very good, steady jobs that you can get by working your way up in a business. No degree required.

If you want to be independent you have to take the necessary steps. Sometimes it will involve failing. But if you can have a good support system outside of your parents, even if it's just a good therapist, that will help ypu feel empowered to take risks and realize that most of the daily tasks of life are not impossible or scary, even if you have more needs than the average person.

It's really good that you're holding out at least and giving it your best shot. I hope things can start looking up for you with the different therapy and a change in pace once you graduate. But whatever happens you have people who will listen to you on here without judgement. If you can let it out that might be all you need when you're feeling shitty. I'm sending peace your way ♡

Ahh thank you for your kinds words ;~;
Yes comp sci is very difficult. And it doesn't help how I'm not very computer savvy… I mostly wanted to get into game development but I feel like it will be too difficult for me..
Why did you quit art school? Was it because you hated everything you made? That's what happened to me with architecture. I couldn't do subjective work anymore because I hated anything I made.

Yea they did describe me that way or maybe still do. I was also known as the fat one in the family :/ my nickname used to be batchoy (chubby) but they don't call me that anymore cuz they realized it was wrong. But I don't blame them sometimes. It was more a term of endearment rather than teasing..
and yea my mother basically spoiled us all and over protected us. I know she didn't mean to make it a bad thing, it just ended up turning on her. I just want to be independent but I'm such a scardy cat :/
I have a really good support system, family, friends and therapist. Honestly the only bully here to me is myself :/
That's why I want to take steps into taking DBT to change this broken mind of mine.

This site is definitely helping me out. I love everyone on here~

 

[Cheemo]

Listening to copious amounts of music, reading and immersing myself in negativity and pessimism (helps with generating some sense of belonging and being understood), listening to podcasts about shit that I barely understand, running for some physical exercise mood boost, telling myself that there *is* an end to this. Add all that up and I'm coping alright on like 50% of days.

Wait being pessimistic helps you? How? Also with podcasts of things you don't understand? I hate it when I don't understand things, I feel so stupid :[
Just wondering how that helps you than do harm.

 

[NoTears]

Cocaine

 

[onmywayout]

plants, prioritizing other people, trying to be creative, yoga. but none of it is working anymore

 

[deflationary]

Wait being pessimistic helps you? How? Also with podcasts of things you don't understand? I hate it when I don't understand things, I feel so stupid :[
Just wondering how that helps you than do harm.

Yeah, places like this for example. I'd be miserable anyway so being here at least helps me feel less alone in my misery. Pessimistic philosophy and works of fiction have the same effect as well. Plus they also just confirm my worldview, which is always nice, as everyone can attest. :)

With podcasts, idk, I just aim so high that there's no expectations of my fully understanding the stuff haha. Like listening to stuff about quantum physics or something. Or just science or philosophy stuff in general. I do sometimes get frustrated about feeling stupid as well but I'm coming to terms with it :)

 

[IWantToSleep]

In a variety of unhealthy ways that end up making my life worse.

 

[Cheemo]

In a variety of unhealthy ways that end up making my life worse.

Why do them if not good for you? What are they if I may ask?

 

[IWantToSleep]

Why do them if not good for you? What are they if I may ask?

Addiction I guess, not knowing what else to do, severe anxiety. Drinking, nicotine, browsing the internet the whole day, etc.

 

[Cheemo]

Addiction I guess, not knowing what else to do, severe anxiety. Drinking, nicotine, browsing the internet the whole day, etc.

I see.. sounds like you're stuck on instant gratification. I'm the same :/

 

[motel rooms]

Why do them if not good for you?

Cuz there's nothing else to do?

I see.. sounds like you're stuck on instant gratification. I'm the same :/

Delayed gratification is a luxury, it's for people who can afford to make plans for the future

 

[everydayiloveyou]

Ahh thank you for your kinds words ;~;
Yes comp sci is very difficult. And it doesn't help how I'm not very computer savvy… I mostly wanted to get into game development but I feel like it will be too difficult for me..
Why did you quit art school? Was it because you hated everything you made? That's what happened to me with architecture. I couldn't do subjective work anymore because I hated anything I made.

Yea they did describe me that way or maybe still do. I was also known as the fat one in the family :/ my nickname used to be batchoy (chubby) but they don't call me that anymore cuz they realized it was wrong. But I don't blame them sometimes. It was more a term of endearment rather than teasing..
and yea my mother basically spoiled us all and over protected us. I know she didn't mean to make it a bad thing, it just ended up turning on her. I just want to be independent but I'm such a scardy cat :/
I have a really good support system, family, friends and therapist. Honestly the only bully here to me is myself :/
That's why I want to take steps into taking DBT to change this broken mind of mine.

This site is definitely helping me out. I love everyone on here~

The crazy thing is that I only ever had confidence in my art! I wanted to become an animator for Disney someday. My art teachers told me that I should think about my choice more. I've always had very bad social anxiety. They said I wouldn't do well in the animation industry because there's so much communication required. They were right -- I used to post lots of fan art online and the only artists who could make a career out of it posted often, knew how to market themselves, and had many art friends in and out of the fandoms they drew for. Nowadays people get scouted by their portfolios. No one would see my animations or character designs unless I could network. I couldn't do it so I chose CS because I like math, used to like making themes on forums/blog sites, and I heard people in CS didn't need social skills. The social skills part is very untrue though, especially now that the CS major is so popular.

I think the DBT will be helpful. Maybe your parents meant well by being hard on you and overprotective, but it doesn't change that the fact that they hurt you once and it hurts you now in an indirect way. I used to think the same as you, down to the comments about my weight (I was also chubby and had a nickname, uba, or grape in Spanish) that my parents didn't mean it and they didn't know better. But you can love and understand someone while still acknowledging the way they hurt you and the things they should've done better. It was a breakthrough for me in therapy when my therapist pointed this out and assured me that I didn't need to reason away their behavior. They didn't do that for me when I was a little kid and didn't know better, and that wasn't right since they were the adults and shluld've understood that I was just a kid and doing my best. It can really help build your self-esteem to work on attachment and family systems since that stuff really sticks with you, even if you don't intend it to.

 

[Cheemo]

The crazy thing is that I only ever had confidence in my art! I wanted to become an animator for Disney someday. My art teachers told me that I should think about my choice more. I've always had very bad social anxiety. They said I wouldn't do well in the animation industry because there's so much communication required. They were right -- I used to post lots of fan art online and the only artists who could make a career out of it posted often, knew how to market themselves, and had many art friends in and out of the fandoms they drew for. Nowadays people get scouted by their portfolios. No one would see my animations or character designs unless I could network. I couldn't do it so I chose CS because I like math, used to like making themes on forums/blog sites, and I heard people in CS didn't need social skills. The social skills part is very untrue though, especially now that the CS major is so popular.

I think the DBT will be helpful. Maybe your parents meant well by being hard on you and overprotective, but it doesn't change that the fact that they hurt you once and it hurts you now in an indirect way. I used to think the same as you, down to the comments about my weight (I was also chubby and had a nickname, uba, or grape in Spanish) that my parents didn't mean it and they didn't know better. But you can love and understand someone while still acknowledging the way they hurt you and the things they should've done better. It was a breakthrough for me in therapy when my therapist pointed this out and assured me that I didn't need to reason away their behavior. They didn't do that for me when I was a little kid and didn't know better, and that wasn't right since they were the adults and shluld've understood that I was just a kid and doing my best. It can really help build your self-esteem to work on attachment and family systems since that stuff really sticks with you, even if you don't intend it to.

Sorry it didn't work out for you :[
Mind if you post a favorite? I'd love to see your work!
Oh man CS is the same way.. I've heard that you really need to sell yourself or you'll never get anywhere. Which sucks cuz I am not confident in my abilities at all.. I feel like it's like that for any job out there. Hence why I feel like I'm not meant for this world…
Have you thought of taking anxiety meds?

yea my family has been getting better at it. Except my older sister.. I got into a physical fight with her recently cuz we had an argument and she said something like "and you with the 'mental health problems' so you can make excuses for your actions". It really passed me off. Because that is the last thing I want to be.

 

[ShatteredRose]

I feel like existence is just learning how to cope every day. What do you do? (I'm especially asking people who have no motivation or is apathetic.)

You're right on that point. In my life, at least. I lay down at night, and think about the fact that I survived another day, even with the thoughts in my head and the demons I battle. My motivation to live, to fight to live is basically non existent at this point. I have some bad coping mechanisms, but I'd say the way I cope is trying to find happiness in even the smallest things. It doesn't always work, but sometimes I feel some semblance of peace or being taken to a different reality altogether when I'm playing video games. I immerse myself in the story, and pretend that it's me, living it out. It helps me when I feel like I can't take the pain anymore. I know to some it might seem silly, but it's helped me. I hope you're finding peace, in whatever you do and in some aspect of your life. Wishing you the best.

 

[CFLoser]

You just cope by waking up every day

 

[Cheemo]

You're right on that point. In my life, at least. I lay down at night, and think about the fact that I survived another day, even with the thoughts in my head and the demons I battle. My motivation to live, to fight to live is basically non existent at this point. I have some bad coping mechanisms, but I'd say the way I cope is trying to find happiness in even the smallest things. It doesn't always work, but sometimes I feel some semblance of peace or being taken to a different reality altogether when I'm playing video games. I immerse myself in the story, and pretend that it's me, living it out. It helps me when I feel like I can't take the pain anymore. I know to some it might seem silly, but it's helped me. I hope you're finding peace, in whatever you do and in some aspect of your life. Wishing you the best.

I used to cope with video games but for some reason nowadays it just feels like a hassle..
The worst thing is I try to do things that makes me happy but it always fails and when it does I just end up feeling worse… sometimes I feel like it's not even worth it to try anymore…

 

[anony]

Ah yes keeping busy seems to be the best thing. Because it is break rn I've grown lazy and mostly just lay in bed all day. I work three days a week at a restaurant but half the time I dread going. I'm also terrified for when school starts because life will be so much harder.
Also, what is a good age to ctb? I'm 28. Do you think it's still too early? Like should I wait till I finish college first? I'm terrified after college and living in the "real world". Am I lazy thinking I wouldnt be able to handle it all?

the way i see it when i ruminate on my eventual suicide is "if this doesn't work and I'm left disabled, how long will I be forced to live like this?" I know it seems silly to worry about stuff like that when your spending time planning on dying, since physical and emotional concern kinda don't matter when your dead. I say a good general rule is live just over what the average life expectancy of your country is, that way if it doesn't work and you are left disabled you'll have less time forced to live like that than you did with a fully capable body, serious prep starts for me at around 40 since things are guaranteed to never get better now more than half my life has gone and it'll still be a age where most my family are still alive (albeit elderly).

 

[ShatteredRose]

I used to cope with video games but for some reason nowadays it just feels like a hassle..
The worst thing is I try to do things that makes me happy but it always fails and when it does I just end up feeling worse… sometimes I feel like it's not even worth it to try anymore…

I can relate to, and understand that. I used to be something I love, now it's merely become an escape. I can empathize with that so much. :( I'm so sorry this is happening for you. I find that's when I feel at my worst, too. It's like you e plucked the words straight from my mind. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way, and if you ever just want to talk, or need a friend feel free to message. Even if I can't do anything to help, I will do what I can. I hope today is better for you.

 

[farewellboys]

It feels like life is meaningless, we are here for no reason but to find things to do and use them ad cope until we die, it's kind of sad. I guess going to work, school, watching TV all of those things could be considered cope. I am saying all that to say that living in itself is the way I cope with life, I don't know if that make sense. When it comes to the pain I gave up, I don't fight it anymore, I dont think I have the strength in me anymore

 

[yuuta_sun]

K-pop.

 

[mentalhealthfighter]

Porn

 

[Lmd]

Apparently sleeping. I'm so ready for the 3:00 a.m breakdown