Discussion How do y'all manage getting over limerence?

[PlannedforPeru]

I've seen it mentioned on some of the threads especially in one's recently, some of you guys have experienced +10 years and that sounds pretty hellish to say the least. To those wiser how do you or have you managed? For me it's one of the larger sources of pain that I haven't been able to emotionally abandon as easy as other things in one's life.

I'm interested to hear how you've handled it in the past or are now; also any experiences, thoughts, or otherwise regarding this annoying thing.

Spoiler: vent-ish

For my own situation is pretty fucked up for a lot of reasons, I live with this person, they might (loaded assumption, textbook limerence) feel similar but it wouldn't and can't work. At the very least I can't even get closure through implication because it'd fuck up a lot of relationships beyond just ours. I've tried to stay gone when they are around, when that didn't work, I tried to demystify the fantasy I have in my head through interactions, but both seem futile in trying to emotionally check out.

Looking through the definition, it sounds to me that the difference between limerence and early stages of love is reciprocation. But what constitutes healthy love seems to differ for a lot of people, and I know this isn't healthy. I just want what we have already to be enough without it destroying me mentally.

 

[lnlybnny]

I'm trying to navigate through it for a year now. I don't have the answers except that you're not alone. I've been struggling with it so hard 24/7 and it's even preventing me from properly planning my ctb. I'm just letting time pass but as it passes the feeling just gets stronger, deeper and even more intense than I expected. It affects even my sleep, hunger and dominates my every thought to say the least.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I went through 4 crazy crushes lasting maybe 13 years in total before I had the sense to look up 'obsessive crush' and found the term 'limerence'.

For me, I needed to be extremely strict with myself so- no fantasizing about them romantically or sexually. It's bound to be a lot more difficult when you are around them all the time though. That was the other thing- trying to avoid them. Plus, some of them met people. Some even got married so- I kept reminding myself they were with someone far more attractive than me! It was a whole- being cruel to be kind in the end.

Plus, reminding myself that it is limerence tends to help. That my brain tends to follow a schedule. If I saw them or interacted with them, in the moment and shortly afterwards, I'd be trying to remain calm. Later on though, I'd be all giddy with thinking about them and picturing our life together- lol. Even if the interaction was bad, in a few days, I'd be back to the fairy tale version. Now, if I feel myself falling for someone, I try to control it to a larger extent. Tell myself- this is just what I do and it causes pain in the long run so- try to stop it. Also, that it will eventually die down if I don't keep feeding it. Which is better in the long run.

I used to also feel so ashamed to be falling for people that were way out of my league. That they'd feel disgusted if they found out. Now, I'm a bit more gentle with myself. For one, they likely won't find out. And secondly- it isn't our 'fault' we feel like this. I think stuff like this develops for particular reasons- sometimes neglect of some sort in childhood. I'm sorry you're going through this though. It's such an emotional rollercoaster.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

There is no direct way to manage it. The only way to manage the worst of limerence is to do literally nothing about it. No matter how much it hurts, no matter how deep into despair you're dragged into. No matter how much it aches and burns as your heart takes a stabbing and yearns, you simply do nothing but let that limerence burn through. Do not expose yourself to them. Do not engage with them. If they try to talk to you, ignore them. Destroy everything in your path that even reminds you of them. Eventually it will die down and become a much slower kind of pain, probably once you can find someone else to be limerent towards instead. I wish I had a better idea of what to do. So far just letting time take its course is all I got.

 

[CogitoMori]

The love never dies. I keep longing for them forever :/ the only way to end it is if they do something to really hurt me

 

[cryptoinvestor]

an lsd trip rewired my brain gradually