How do people override the emotional pain that kicks in when close to ctb?

[Ambivalent1]

I should've killed myself years ago when I was consistently emotionally numb, sometimes in pain, and other times happy. Now I'm just in emotional turmoil all the time and am trying to find my way back to my old situation.

 

[kunikuzushi]

I relate. I used to not feel fear. Now it's constant emotional turmoil like you. I'm sorry

 

[Whiston72]

It gets to the point where it hurts being alive.

 

[Ambivalent1]

It gets to the point where it hurts being alive.

But dying in that state of mind just feels even worse. I want to die on a high note.

 

[BrainShower]

I wish i could escape the emotional turmoil. 30 years of it with a few breaks of being happy. Idk what to say about it other than i feel like its my default mode.
Dieing on a high note... seems impossible to me.
If you are on a high note then of course our old enemy hope slips right in and whispers sweet nothings into your ear.
My life has been a rollercoaster like i never imagined could exist. I am so fucked up by it that i can't even say whether i hate it or love it.(Big picture)
I have shit tons of opinions about the small picture version of my life, but all of those opinions will change next week so i don't even see the point of talking about them. Ugh.
It's exhausting and stupid. But it's what I have until i decide not to have it any more.

 

[SkibidiSigma]

Personally, when I first attempted I had no anxiety or emotional pain. I found it extremely easy to follow through with

I attempted after the first or second day of my junior year, mainly because it was a terrible day for me. I don't remember what particularly happened but I got called ugly multiple times that day or something which kinda pushed me to the edge

 

[Ambivalent1]

Personally, when I first attempted I had no anxiety or emotional pain. I found it extremely easy to follow through with

I attempted after the first or second day of my junior year, mainly because it was a terrible day for me. I don't remember what particularly happened but I got called ugly multiple times that day or something which kinda pushed me to the edge

Are you from gen alpha?