How do I stay alive for my kids?

[cherry333]

I'm ready to do it, but I'd be leaving behind a 7 and 3 year old. I know they'll miss their mommy, but I truly believe they'll be better off without me. It's the only thing holding me back, but a part of me needs reassurance that I'll be doing the right thing. How do I stay alive for my kids when I've already accepted death?

 

[Karrikin]

I'm not sure if this is something I should be saying since you're clearly suffering. But, I guess as someone who has never known the love of their mother it's the most devastating loss. I sometimes wish I had that warmth, that voice to tell me things are okay, etc. I realize you may be aware of these things already but if you do, please realize that this world -- most importantly your children-- needs you. They are not better off without you.

 

[Rev346]

Dealing with the same thing. My kids are 7 and 9. Their behaviors make things so much worse on some days. I'm ready to go and daydream about catching the bus almost every day. I wish I knew a good solution.

 

[scharlachrotsan]

you should really consider staying for your children. if not for your sake, for theirs. the loss of a family member is devastating, and they're not old enough to even process it properly. i'm not going to ask any questions about the father, that seems rather inappropriate. if he's in the picture, you'll be leaving him with the children, and being a single parent is hard. if he isn't, they'll be put in the hands of the state (or whatever foster care system your country has) and as someone who has been in foster care, it's not something i'd wish on my worst enemy.

 

[kovinskin]

ik its a milked out talking point, and its kinda ironic coming from a depressed person, but depression genuinely makes you feel like people are better off without you. Whether or not that's true often varies, but one thing's for certain. Your kids are ABSOLUTELY NOT better off without a mother. If you can, try to see your death from their perspective through a logical lens.

Do you believe you are currently making their lives worse in any way? If not, then how would your death possibly benefit them in any way? I'm willing to bet you're a better mother than you're giving yourself credit for.

 

[purebliss]

you should really consider staying for your children. if not for your sake, for theirs. the loss of a family member is devastating, and they're not old enough to even process it properly. i'm not going to ask any questions about the father, that seems rather inappropriate. if he's in the picture, you'll be leaving him with the children, and being a single parent is hard. if he isn't, they'll be put in the hands of the state (or whatever foster care system your country has) and as someone who has been in foster care, it's not something i'd wish on my worst enemy.

Haha.
Someone else with orphanage experience here...
I was in a German one for 3 years.
And yep. Absolute torture hell

 

[Kamaainakupua]

Playing the devil's advocate here, but I believe you deserve to have a choice. If you are convinced you cannot live, you can take steps to have custody changed now, so they will already be transitioning when you transition. If you have family, you can ask for 'temporary' assistance. Talk to local religious leaders to see if there's a way to 'temporarily' get their help. As much as possible, avoid the possibility of your bus trip being disclosed, though it may be the only way to get custody transferred. The bus will be waiting when you get discharged.
I am not encouraging a bus ride, but I absolutely feel you have the right to choose. I would love to agree with all the posts above that try to dissuade you, but...
No. It is your choice, and frothy emotionsl appeal seldom suffices. If you feel that your continued misery will harm them more than being in foster care or raised by family/friends, so be it.
Of course, every method I pointed out above is going to filled with pro-lifers who WILL try to dissuade you, they're legally, and in their minds, morally, obligated to do so.
I know my perspective will draw heat, but I'm here for @cherry333 's and @Rev346 's peace of mind. I believe there is a way they can have freedom of choice, while taking steps to reduce harm to those they leave behind.
I wish all of you peace, however you choose to find it.

 

[kovinskin]

@cherry333 was thinking about you, wondering how you're doing?