Help How do I give up on my dream?

[charlotte_]

I don't have anyone to give the tablet away to, and I don't know what you mean by "centre", but I don't there there are any of those around here. I'm not interested in anything else, and I'm not good at anything.

I meant like, there should be places where they accept things that are usable that you no longer need. If that doesn't work, maybe ask someone you're close to to hide it away somewhere perhaps. Also, I'm sorry if I sound insensitive here, but really, nothing is gonna work if you keep believing that it's not gonna work. That alone already eliminates all possibilities of being capable of doing something, not just drawing. There are many things that you probably haven't tried, so how can you be sure? If you're really sure that you don't want to do anything, then well, I suppose you could just distract yourself with something you like to do or something you really need to do. But really, I do advise you to be more open to new experiences

 

[M0nolith]

you will have to make a decision one day, hopefully you are at peace with the one you choose.

 

[borderline-feline]

Lock it all up. Put it somewhere very hard to access. If you cant get rid of it but really want to stop make it harder to get. If that's what you want. Treat it like a cutter trying to stop, hid the blades and materials.(still there for comfort or whatever) Do some medication or exercise when the urge comes something that distracts without triggering. Again if that what you want. Please be a little kinder to people just throwing out suggestions trying to help, even if you dont find it helpful. No one knows your story or situation like you.

I've had my tablet boxed up for months, and it hasn't done anything to make me stop wanting to learn to draw. I'm guessing you mean "do some meditation", which is a good suggestion; it can just be hard to stop myself from things and take deep breaths. I guess that's something I need to work on.

As for people trying to help, the problem is when people don't listen to me and just throw in toxic positivity instead of actually giving me advice on the problem that I have. I explained that I want to give up on my dream, and I got people telling me to try a different medium; it comes across as insulting because they aren't listening to what I'm saying.

I meant like, there should be places where they accept things that are usable that you no longer need. If that doesn't work, maybe ask someone you're close to to hide it away somewhere perhaps. Also, I'm sorry if I sound insensitive here, but really, nothing is gonna work if you keep believing that it's not gonna work. That alone already eliminates all possibilities of being capable of doing something, not just drawing. There are many things that you probably haven't tried, so how can you be sure? If you're really sure that you don't want to do anything, then well, I suppose you could just distract yourself with something you like to do or something you really need to do. But really, I do advise you to be more open to new experiences

The only things I enjoy are media consumption, which just ends up making me want to draw, so I'm kinda fucked in that regard.

The thing is, I've tried a lot of different things, and I've failed at all of them. I also have no interest in doing anything with my life aside from drawing, so there's no point in trying out new experiences, especially when I already know that I'm gonna fail.

 

[dimstar]

I've had my tablet boxed up for months, and it hasn't done anything to make me stop wanting to learn to draw. I'm guessing you mean "do some meditation", which is a good suggestion; it can just be hard to stop myself from things and take deep breaths. I guess that's something I need to work on.

As for people trying to help, the problem is when people don't listen to me and just throw in toxic positivity instead of actually giving me advice on the problem that I have. I explained that I want to give up on my dream, and I got people telling me to try a different medium; it comes across as insulting because they aren't listening to what I'm saying.

The only things I enjoy are media consumption, which just ends up making me want to draw, so I'm kinda fucked in that regard.

The thing is, I've tried a lot of different things, and I've failed at all of them. I also have no interest in doing anything with my life aside from drawing, so there's no point in trying out new experiences, especially when I already know that I'm gonna fail.

I did mean meditation. Do you have a locked box you could use? Black out and hid the key or throw it away. Can always get it with a crowbar or punch the lock. Or put the box way deep in storage or in crawl space/ adict some where that would take considerable effort to get. Theres so good apps that have short guided meditation if that seems like something that might help. I think people just misunderstood. Having a little positive perspective can help make sure your sure, I really think they only had good intentions trying to help in what they said. Maybe podcasts would be better than your current media consumption? I get the stress and fear of failing, lack of interests in anything. It's a tough situation. Sorry you feel that way.

 

[Pluto]

That's heartbreaking. I hope you're still able to at least listen to music?

Rarely, though it doesn't feel like a loss. I did eventually take up piano as a half-hearted hobby.

The most constructive thing is to be brutally honest about our reasons for doing what we are doing. There could be a desire to have an income without having to socialise with normies at work, or a dream of being well-known in one's field or a wish to touch the lives of others. Even at a purely personal level, there can be pure enjoyment of immersion in the creative process, or there can be a therapeutic release of strong emotion, or even a sense of escapism. The creativity itself can be motivated by moderate emotions like grief, yet poisoned by extreme states like depression. Honest introspection is key.

 

[Aisley]

Rarely, though it doesn't feel like a loss. I did eventually take up piano as a half-hearted hobby.

The most constructive thing is to be brutally honest about our reasons for doing what we are doing. There could be a desire to have an income without having to socialise with normies at work, or a dream of being well-known in one's field or a wish to touch the lives of others. Even at a purely personal level, there can be pure enjoyment of immersion in the creative process, or there can be a therapeutic release of strong emotion, or even a sense of escapism. The creativity itself can be motivated by moderate emotions like grief, yet poisoned by extreme states like depression. Honest introspection is key.

Indeed. But not everyone can do it. (The introspection part.) Any time I've seen it in the wild, I always point it out and commend it. A rare gift, I'd say. I'm relieved you can still have music in your life; people don't know the damage they can do with shitty comments, or even just apathy.

 

[howswho]

I dream of being an artist, and I need to give up on my dream. I'm not capable of learning to draw, and I have zero creativity, so I have no hope of ever fulfilling that worthless dream.

How do I stop wanting to draw? How do I force myself to accept reality?

Do you like being an artist? If not then do not continue, but you don't need to be perfect at the start. As long as you like it then just slowly grow your skill from there.

 

[FuneralCry]

I also cannot stand toxic positivity, sadly there seems to be quite a lot of it on this site. But I just think there are no easy answers to the question, it's more of like a mindset one has and I think it's really hard to force yourself to feel a certain way. But I guess that one could keep reminding themselves of how hopeless everything truly is but it must be awful being in that situation where you have dreams that you are unable to achieve, life really is so unnecessarily cruel and it certainly can be so torturous existing here. I wish you the best, you don't deserve to have your suffering invalidated with toxic positivity.

 

[unnormal9]

If it was a life support like mine—when it is unplugged from its outlet.

 

[Mirrory Me]

If you feel that drawing is not your thing and you still want to express your creativity in some way, then maybe another hobby instead.

 

[borderline-feline]

I did mean meditation. Do you have a locked box you could use? Black out and hid the key or throw it away. Can always get it with a crowbar or punch the lock. Or put the box way deep in storage or in crawl space/ adict some where that would take considerable effort to get. Theres so good apps that have short guided meditation if that seems like something that might help. I think people just misunderstood. Having a little positive perspective can help make sure your sure, I really think they only had good intentions trying to help in what they said. Maybe podcasts would be better than your current media consumption? I get the stress and fear of failing, lack of interests in anything. It's a tough situation. Sorry you feel that way.

A lot of the time, the desire to draw creeps in when I'm not even at home.

Unfortunately, the road to hell is paved with good intentions. They may have had the best intentions, but they were being toxic about it. It's like if someone posted about how they were trying to quit smoking and people started suggesting crystal meth. They gave advice that no one asked for.

If you feel that drawing is not your thing and you still want to express your creativity in some way, then maybe another hobby instead.

I don't have any creativity to express. It's not a feeling that drawing isn't my thing; it's knowledge that I could never be capable of it. I have no interest in picking up any other hobbies, so it's a moot point anyway.

If you feel that drawing is not your thing and you still want to express your creativity in some way, then maybe another hobby instead.

I don't have any creativity to express. It's not a feeling that drawing isn't my thing; it's knowledge that I could never be capable of it. I have no interest in picking up any other hobbies, so it's a moot point anyway.

Do you like being an artist? If not then do not continue, but you don't need to be perfect at the start. As long as you like it then just slowly grow your skill from there.

I'm not an artist. I'm not capable of creating anything, and I've never finished a drawing. This isn't about not being perfect; it's about not being capable.

 

[cgrtt.brns]

maybe try finding a roast forum or smthn to post ur art to and ask to be roasted? some people can be p horrible so they might give u the motivation u want. i think asking people here to contribute to ur downfall is a difficult one bc we all suffer enough and i doubt many here would want to cause another more suffering, we just want an end to it. trying to find places where people like being negative might be easier. i wouldnt mention ur intentions tho, as it may put people off if they know it's intended to push u closer to the end. hope this was helpful. either way i hope ur struggles end soon somehow, whatever may bring it.

another thought, this might take longer but trying to continue to learn how to draw etc. might make it clearer to u if u genuinely think u have no talent? like following tutorials, classes, just exhausting every possible way of learning, but genuinely trying instead of expecting to fail, because maybe ur brain is still holding on to the hope that u havent tried enough? not saying you havent, i have no idea, just throwing out an idea. bc if ur expecting to fail ur subconscious will know this, but if you really hope to succeed and still fail, then ur subconscious might realise the dream is dead? hope this made sense.

 

[borderline-feline]

maybe try finding a roast forum or smthn to post ur art to and ask to be roasted? some people can be p horrible so they might give u the motivation u want. i think asking people here to contribute to ur downfall is a difficult one bc we all suffer enough and i doubt many here would want to cause another more suffering, we just want an end to it. trying to find places where people like being negative might be easier. i wouldnt mention ur intentions tho, as it may put people off if they know it's intended to push u closer to the end. hope this was helpful. either way i hope ur struggles end soon somehow, whatever may bring it.

another thought, this might take longer but trying to continue to learn how to draw etc. might make it clearer to u if u genuinely think u have no talent? like following tutorials, classes, just exhausting every possible way of learning, but genuinely trying instead of expecting to fail, because maybe ur brain is still holding on to the hope that u havent tried enough? not saying you havent, i have no idea, just throwing out an idea. bc if ur expecting to fail ur subconscious will know this, but if you really hope to succeed and still fail, then ur subconscious might realise the dream is dead? hope this made sense.

I've tried endlessly, but I can't manage to even finish a drawing because it's too overwhelming. I'm not capable of it.

 

[cgrtt.brns]

im sure even an unfinished drawing you could post to a roast forum?

 

[jotoon]

Untile you are alive . you can feel happiness and sadness. you will have dream . you will have fears. this is part of life. being suicidal not mean that you should have NO desire in anything in this world.
Every decision has a result. and when you take decision while you earn somethings, you are losing somethings at the same time . you cant have every thing.
Imagine your hand have a tumor . tumor is so painful .

You have two option : do a surgery or cut off your hand

For some reason there is no surgeon in your city to help you.your mother is not totally sick but she's old and if you stay at home you can help her a lot. you have no money right now . you have to save your money for 5 years and travel to another country to do surgery . there is 3 percent chance that your tumor removes successfully , and 97 percent chance that tumor remain after surgery ,if surgery failed,they cut off your hand and you lost money and time that you could spent with your mother.
During this 4 years ,when you massage your hand in a few moments you feel pleasure . and you still dreaming that if you have a normal hand maybe you become a professional tennis player.

You don't "love "cutting your hand but you also don't love that lost time and 5 years trying for thing that you know it has so little chance to success .

In every decision of life , we are not 100% sure to choose a patch or road . but we analyze and think witch road give us things that are more important for us .

 

[macrocosm]

I dream of being an artist, and I need to give up on my dream. I'm not capable of learning to draw, and I have zero creativity, so I have no hope of ever fulfilling that worthless dream.

How do I stop wanting to draw? How do I force myself to accept reality?

Would you say it's obsessive? Do you feel that way or have you felt that way about anything else? Wish I could tell you there's an on/off switch. You need to tell yourself Whether you accept reality or not, it won't change anything. When I was a little kid I wanted to be Superman so bad, but I knew my limits and just let it be a fun fantasy until I found other cool things to aspire to. And I used to dream of being a famous singer (I think this is common) but I had no voice for it at all. Instead I learned to admire and appreciate the voices and music of others.

If it bothers you and you feel it's overwhelming or unhealthy I would recommend talk therapy.

(Note: In today's art mainstream you don't need to be good at drawing or art to be an artist, you just need a good back story and better PR & marketing)

 

[borderline-feline]

Would you say it's obsessive? Do you feel that way or have you felt that way about anything else? Wish I could tell you there's an on/off switch. You need to tell yourself Whether you accept reality or not, it won't change anything. When I was a little kid I wanted to be Superman so bad, but I knew my limits and just let it be a fun fantasy until I found other cool things to aspire to. And I used to dream of being a famous singer (I think this is common) but I had no voice for it at all. Instead I learned to admire and appreciate the voices and music of others.

If it bothers you and you feel it's overwhelming or unhealthy I would recommend talk therapy.

(Note: In today's art mainstream you don't need to be good at drawing or art to be an artist, you just need a good back story and better PR & marketing)

It's absolutely obsessive. I've never felt this way about any other activity.

Therapy just doesn't work for me.

I also don't want to be an artist; I want to give up on my dream of being an artist.

 

[Caoine01]

You would like to stop painting and everyone here will give you tips on how to continue. I think that's because everyone envies you for your hobby.
I would be happy to see something from you too. And be it an unfinished picture. Sometimes that says more than a spade.
You say you have no drive anymore, then just post a black or white rectangle here.

Share your art - Official Art Megathread

if you're multiple beings in one body you might find it helpful to look into DID/OSDD systems, as well as tuplas and some other related things. a lot of them can help you with communication, day-to-day functioning, and understanding the others inside your body :) thank you, but no - that is one...

sanctioned-suicide.net

The time before suicide, you can do anything. there's no future left for you to ruin.

 

[borderline-feline]

You would like to stop painting and everyone here will give you tips on how to continue. I think that's because everyone envies you for your hobby.
I would be happy to see something from you too. And be it an unfinished picture. Sometimes that says more than a spade.
You say you have no drive anymore, then just post a black or white rectangle here.

Share your art - Official Art Megathread

if you're multiple beings in one body you might find it helpful to look into DID/OSDD systems, as well as tuplas and some other related things. a lot of them can help you with communication, day-to-day functioning, and understanding the others inside your body :) thank you, but no - that is one...

sanctioned-suicide.net

The time before suicide, you can do anything. there's no future left for you to ruin.

If I post something, then I'll just end up getting people who think they're being nice by complimenting me, which is the worst thing they could do since it could give me some amount of false hope. I already posted something I drew in that thread, but it was getting likes, so I had a mod delete it. I'm not going to post anything like that ever again. I need to stop trying to do something that I can't do and will never be able to do.

I have no creativity, I have no skill, I have no talent, and I will never be able to learn to draw, because I'm not capable of anything.

 

[lazycat3719]

I dream of being an artist, and I need to give up on my dream. I'm not capable of learning to draw, and I have zero creativity, so I have no hope of ever fulfilling that worthless dream.

How do I stop wanting to draw? How do I force myself to accept reality?

try a diff hobby, lots of artsy things u can do with no creativity. get into film.

 

[borderline-feline]

try a diff hobby, lots of artsy things u can do with no creativity. get into film.

I have no creativity. I only have interest in drawing.

I don't understand why people keep suggesting something that I've explicitly said isn't helpful.

 

[glitterypearls]

I have no creativity. I only have interest in drawing.

I don't understand why people keep suggesting something that I've explicitly said isn't helpful.

tell us then. what type of suggestion would be helpful?

if you are interested in drawing but have no creativity. you can always pick things related to drawing and won't require creativity such as journaling where you decorate every page with stickers and such, google it it's really fun. and the other suggestion to just donate your art stuff to a place where they can give it to orphanage and poor people who would benefit greatly from it instead of just throwing it away.

 

[Holu]

Hello again my borderline trans friend.

I see most of the comments misinterpreted your desired request, and instead seem to be pushing you back onto a path you're attempting to avoid. Honestly, while I personally see no harm in drawing, especially for comfort, I can understand wanting to avoid a possible ambition. I'm sure you have your reasons regardless and it's not my place to question them.

As for how to avoid something, there isn't really a solid method. Firstly, removing all access to materials would definitely be a start. You don't actually have to throw away all your pencils and paper, just make them mildly obnoxious to reach. In a way it goads your brain into not wanting to commit to the activity. Since pencils are pretty standard for everything, and since you probably want access to them, I simply recommend locking pencils away or placing them on a high shelf which requires you to move a chair to reach. Then, just keep a laptop or some other device near you. It just needs to be useable for a similar working/school/busy purpose. That way you default to that device instead.

As for the media consumption which might have algorithms tethered to your desires, there's no fast solution to removing these. You can obviously make new accounts, but assuming ur keeping your current account ur just gonna have to block and report all content to restructure the algorithm. Might take a bit but definitely possible.

Lastly, you could always try to negatively reinforce yourself every time you find yourself drawing. Might not be the most pleasant method but can definitely work.

In the end, unfortunately, in a world where paper is so prevalent it's going to be difficult to remove any urges to sketch and what not. I know it's not what you want to hear, but in my opinion it's not that harmful to sketch or even draw. If you find yourself idling as such please don't be too harsh on yourself.

Regardless I'm sorry for any added suffering some of these comments who misinterpreted your question might have caused. I do wish you the best. If you need anything ofc feel free to send me a DM. Take care!

If I post something, then I'll just end up getting people who think they're being nice by complimenting me, which is the worst thing they could do since it could give me some amount of false hope. I already posted something I drew in that thread, but it was getting likes, so I had a mod delete it. I'm not going to post anything like that ever again. I need to stop trying to do something that I can't do and will never be able to do.

I have no creativity, I have no skill, I have no talent, and I will never be able to learn to draw, because I'm not capable of anything.

You're very hard on yourself :(. I know often times we are our own worst demon, but chill girl.

 

[borderline-feline]

tell us then. what type of suggestion would be helpful?

if you are interested in drawing but have no creativity. you can always pick things related to drawing and won't require creativity such as journaling where you decorate every page with stickers and such, google it it's really fun. and the other suggestion to just donate your art stuff to a place where they can give it to orphanage and poor people who would benefit greatly from it instead of just throwing it away.

A helpful suggestion would be one that helps me to give up on art. That was what I explicitly asked for, but people haven't been listening.

Donating a $400 drawing tablet wouldn't be an option. There's nowhere in my area where I could donate it, and it wouldn't give me closure to donate it.

A drawing tablet also isn't something to give to an orphanage in the first place.

 

[Holu]

A helpful suggestion would be one that helps me to give up on art. That was what I explicitly asked for, but people haven't been listening.

Donating a $400 drawing tablet wouldn't be an option. There's nowhere in my area where I could donate it, and it wouldn't give me closure to donate it.

A drawing tablet also isn't something to give to an orphanage in the first place.

Mail me the drawing tablet :).

Jkjk. Either trash it, or lock it away. If you can give it to a friend do it. Otherwise, you can always leave it on a random curb. Someone will inevitably pick it up and keep it.

Also, in the situation that you have an attachment to it just lock it up and put it somewhere difficult to access. You don't have to lose it, just prevent urself from obtaining it.

 

[borderline-feline]

As for the media consumption which might have algorithms tethered to your desires, there's no fast solution to removing these. You can obviously make new accounts, but assuming ur keeping your current account ur just gonna have to block and report all content to restructure the algorithm. Might take a bit but definitely possible.

When I say "media consumption", I'm talking about watching anime, reading manga, and playing video games, so algorithms aren't the problem.

 

[Holu]

When I say "media consumption", I'm talking about watching anime, reading manga, and playing video games, so algorithms aren't the problem.

I was actually gonna originally recommend video games before realizing the artistic implication. Nothing you can really do to avoid that, as it's honestly part of existing. Suffering from seeing art is comparable to being allergic to air, it's just unavoidable. Just try your best and squash those thoughts anytime you think them. Again negative reinforcement exists. Do whatever you can, and if you need someone to flame you out and make you feel worthless honestly just post this shit again. Lot of assholes on this forum, as seen by this post lol.

 

[SantasHelper]

You're rude. Throw away your art supplies and get over it. That's it. People are trying to be nice or give other advice but you're being hella mean lol

 

[Holu]

You're rude. Throw away your art supplies and get over it. That's it. People are trying to be nice or give other advice but you're being hella mean lol

Rude? Definitely a little, however the hostility from OP is a defensive one.

OP has a part of them that they don't want, and people are attempting to try to tell them to simply appreciate that part.

OP is actually familiar with this, but it's similar to telling a Trans Woman to appreciate their male genitalia instead of wanting advice on how to remove it.

Similarly, advice such as "throw it away" and "get over it" aren't taking into account the mental battle with fighting against something which is much more difficult to remove than "throwing it away"

Granted, this isn't a physical part of OP but it's still a part they don't want and are suffering from. Perhaps this is difficult to understand, which justifies many of the response offering advice on continuing to peruse art, but it also justifies OPs response in which they likely feel attacked and misunderstood.

All around everyone is wrong. No need to perpetuate this cycle. Insults aren't really helping this situation, so all of us should avoid using them.

 

[borderline-feline]

You're rude. Throw away your art supplies and get over it. That's it. People are trying to be nice or give other advice but you're being hella mean lol

Pots and kettles.

Most people in this thread have been missing the point and giving unhelpful advice that wasn't asked for. I'm not trying to be mean, but I can't see how else I'm supposed to react to people doing the exact opposite of what I asked for.

Telling someone on a suicide forum to "get over it" is very uncalled for, and you're not even the first to do it in this thread, yet I'm made out to be a villain while others play the victim.