How do I get rid of this feeling?

[faith.collapsing]

Since I'm not that great with words, I'll just get straight to the point.. At night, when I am unable to sleep, I feel the need to inflict pain on myself, sometimes I make my chest feel tight, I punch the wall, I bang my head against the wall. And no matter how much I try to change to be better, it's always so slow and eventually goes back to having no progress, it makes me hate myself even more even though I am trying my best. My life isn't that hard, I am grateful for it, but somehow I feel comfort in misery or in other words; addicted to unhappiness. It is stupid, I think, but I promise to whoever is reading this that I am being honest.