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nonliv

nonliv

Member
Aug 30, 2024
49
I have severe contamination ocd and I live alone. I haven't been able to meet up with my mother for some time now, only visiting her when I was in the psych ward (well her visiting me). I have this fear of meeting her since my ocd developed around her house. The fear is based on the fact that in the bathroom, there were kids in the bathroom, and I feel like if I meet up with my mom, I indirectly made contact with them. I know this sounds stupid, but my ocd lached onto the fact that our bathroom was used by kids, and it would make me a bad person if I was close with my mom. Even from a distance I feel afraid. How do I get over this fear? I have been struggling for years with it. Any advice from people with ocd or anything similar would be very appreciated, even from someone to just look at my situation objectively. It would be fixed if my mom would just re install new sinks and toilet, I could even pay it out of my own wallet, but she seems opposed to the idea for now, even if I myself believe it would fix alot of my issues
 
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enjoytheride

enjoytheride

Student
Jun 29, 2025
140
Hello, dear! I can imagine this is quite a tough situation . :( Sorry you are going through this.

I wish I had any idea that could help you. I hope everything turns out well and that you can overcome this ordeal.

Keep us posted.

Kind regards
 
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nonliv

nonliv

Member
Aug 30, 2024
49
Hello, dear! I can imagine this is quite a tough situation . :( Sorry you are going through this.

I wish I had any idea that could help you. I hope everything turns out well and that you can overcome this ordeal.

Keep us posted.

Kind regards
Thank you, even support helps. I will update if anything happens or changes
 
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webb&flow

webb&flow

dum spiro spero—take it as it comes
Nov 30, 2024
695
the solution is to challenge your thoughts <3 this is how you can free yourself from their grasp đź«‚

It would be fixed if my mom would just re install new sinks and toilet, I could even pay it out of my own wallet, but she seems opposed to the idea for now, even if I myself believe it would fix alot of my issues
no. this will make your ocd worse. the more you give in, the more it takes.

The fear is based on the fact
not a fact, based on a specific belief.

focus on challenging those core beliefs. this will allow you to free yourself more from the binds of OCD <3<3

radical acceptance of my thoughts is what has helped my ocd the most.

I'll give an example of what I mean:

take the stereotypical ocd compulsion of hand washing. someone in this position might have the intrusive thought "what if there's a germ on my hand that's going to get me severely ill and die if I don't wash it off in time?" now, intrusive thoughts are normal, and everyone gets these. someone without ocd is capable of moving on from this thought and letting it pass by without causing pain. but someone with ocd can't do this, they get "stuck" on the thought, which leads to obsession, and then a compulsion to try and make the pain go away (rumination is also a form of compulsion btw). so they'll get stuck on this thought "what if there's a germ" and the only way they can make the anxious thought loop stop is by giving into a compulsion "ok I'll wash my hands again, so if there was a germ it'll be gone now".

obviously the problem is that these compulsions (including ruminations) do not actually ease the source of this anxiety or prove the anxiety wrong. acting on the compulsion provides a moment of relief, and the brain interprets that as a solution. but what really ends up happening is 5 minutes later when the intrusive thought pops up again, the brain says, with even more insistence, that the only thing that can make the fear stop is if we wash our hands again. and then repeat. all day, a cycle that encourages itself, spiralling out of control, until before you know it you're washing you hands hundreds of times a day "just in case" and causing severe skin damage and bleeding and scarring. not good! giving into compulsions and ruminations feels like the solution in the moment, but they only make it worse.

the only solution is not to give in.

so when this person's thoughts say "what if there's a germ" they should, to the best of their ability, NOT give that thought any value. do not rationalize it. do not validate it. do not unpack it or examine it. and do not take preventative measures "just in case". take a step back from the thought and say "this is just a thought, I'm moving on", and then if needed say: "and if there were a germ, so what? who cares? that does not have to bother me." (after all, it doesn't bother 90% of the population. so why does it need to bother you? it doesn't.)

this is very hard to do, because your brain is screaming at you to care, but you have to stay strong and try not to care. you need to accept that the thought might be correct, and that if it were that would still be ok. you can just let there be a germ on your hands.

source for all this: years of treating my own ocd and getting to a point where I genuinely don't care if the majority of my intrusive thoughts are true or not. I get horrible thoughts about sexuality and abuse and I tell myself every time, maybe these thoughts are true, but if they were I don't care. my brain says "what if you want to do this horrible thing?" and I say "maybe I do, who cares, what does it matter either way?" and move on. all I can do moment to moment is my best, and I will continue doing my best, and obsessing over the ethics of my thoughts is not at all helpful towards my best.

does this make sense?

so, in your question I feel you asking for reassurance that this character isn't associated with that criminal. did you know obsessive reassurance-seeking is also a form of compulsion? the solution to your problem isn't to prove to yourself that the association isn't true. the solution isn't to fight that connection your brain has intrusively made – the more you fight it the worse the anxiety will be. the solution is to accept that your brain has made an association and that's ok. the association is ok. the world is not going to end because of this thought. I know it'll be difficult to accept, and you might think I'm being unreasonable with "tough love" here, but imo that's the best step forward. take a step back. agknowledge it's just a thought. and accept that it'll be ok regardless of its truth.

remember: your thoughts do not control your actions. you control your actions. your thoughts – no matter how scary they are – can not hurt you or anyone else. it doesn't matter how "bad" your thoughts are, they are materially harmless and accepting them is the only way to help them pass by like normal.

one last thing: stress makes ocd a lot worse. if it's within your ability to lessen the stress in your life, please do that.
 
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Ashu

Ashu

novelist, sanskritist, Canadian living in India
Nov 13, 2021
956
I have severe contamination ocd and I live alone. I haven't been able to meet up with my mother for some time now, only visiting her when I was in the psych ward (well her visiting me). I have this fear of meeting her since my ocd developed around her house. The fear is based on the fact that in the bathroom, there were kids in the bathroom, and I feel like if I meet up with my mom, I indirectly made contact with them. I know this sounds stupid, but my ocd lached onto the fact that our bathroom was used by kids, and it would make me a bad person if I was close with my mom. Even from a distance I feel afraid. How do I get over this fear? I have been struggling for years with it. Any advice from people with ocd or anything similar would be very appreciated, even from someone to just look at my situation objectively. It would be fixed if my mom would just re install new sinks and toilet, I could even pay it out of my own wallet, but she seems opposed to the idea for now, even if I myself believe it would fix alot of my issues
Your condition is so eerily similar to the one I lost my teens and twenties to, an obsessional system built on an idea of emotional contamination that was centred on my childhood, my parents, and my mother's house. All I can tell you is that the common wisdom about obsessional fear us true. Trying to flee from it, avoid it, or accommodate it is futile. At some point you will have to turn around and face it and let it consume you and reintegrate with you, and only then can you begin to be free. I wasn't ready to do that until I'd lost my youth to my fear. I hope you reach that breaking point sooner than I did.
 

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