purebliss
"Just be happy" =)
- Mar 3, 2026
- 358
Hey, Hey ^^
I have become somewhat more stable now, and I am no longer actively suicidal at this moment in time.
I have diagnosed ADHD and clinical depression.
Most likely BPD and Bipolar as well, which I will soon request to check in the psychward (when I finally get over my social anxiety and call there)
That is relevant because today I had a rather sad event where a very good friend of mine had to cancel last minute because of an Injury.
I really looked forward to seeing them. I tried to tell myself that it is just not that deep, but my brain does not give me a single second of rest right now and comes up with the shittiest
And because I can not properly feel, this feeling goes into an absolute extreme that ends again with me thinking about suicide. I hate my conditions so much. Every minor annoyance/situation blows completely up in my head with no control whatsoever about it.
I very much would like to not relapse back into my suicidal state over such a stupid minor situation.
So what I was thinking about now is just hitting the entire rest supply of Flualprazolam I have which is 16mg.
4mg sadly did not have much of an effect on me considering I am a rather muscly guy with 102Kg on 183cm.
What would be the worst to happen?
If I go unconscious, good. That is pretty much what I want to happen. I gladly have the effect carry over for the next 2 days as well.
Whatever shuts down my brain.
I also do not necessarily care too much if I die, although extremely unlikely considering it is a non-method.
I do care though if there might be nasty side effects like liver toxicity and anything with my kidneys.
People that have experience with Xanax abuse. How bad would it be?
I have become somewhat more stable now, and I am no longer actively suicidal at this moment in time.
I have diagnosed ADHD and clinical depression.
Most likely BPD and Bipolar as well, which I will soon request to check in the psychward (when I finally get over my social anxiety and call there)
That is relevant because today I had a rather sad event where a very good friend of mine had to cancel last minute because of an Injury.
I really looked forward to seeing them. I tried to tell myself that it is just not that deep, but my brain does not give me a single second of rest right now and comes up with the shittiest
And because I can not properly feel, this feeling goes into an absolute extreme that ends again with me thinking about suicide. I hate my conditions so much. Every minor annoyance/situation blows completely up in my head with no control whatsoever about it.
I very much would like to not relapse back into my suicidal state over such a stupid minor situation.
So what I was thinking about now is just hitting the entire rest supply of Flualprazolam I have which is 16mg.
4mg sadly did not have much of an effect on me considering I am a rather muscly guy with 102Kg on 183cm.
What would be the worst to happen?
If I go unconscious, good. That is pretty much what I want to happen. I gladly have the effect carry over for the next 2 days as well.
Whatever shuts down my brain.
I also do not necessarily care too much if I die, although extremely unlikely considering it is a non-method.
I do care though if there might be nasty side effects like liver toxicity and anything with my kidneys.
People that have experience with Xanax abuse. How bad would it be?
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