How can you CTB without ruining everyone’s view of this holiday ?

[Chaestergram]

Thinking about my family wellbeing is the thing that is 1% preventing me, I am going to be alone for Christmas because I had chosen to not go to the family gathering but I don't want to do it at home to not traumatized my child siblings and toddler siblings so does not making anyone associate this holiday with me not being here anymore but I am more than ready that I know I will choose to traumatize then but it's still going against my moral, if at least in the end I can respect my moral it would be my last appreciation.

 

[MellowAvenue]

I don't like being "that guy" but the best way really would be to hold off a bit longer.

Alternatively, if you don't live with them if you CTB in such a way that it takes time for your body to be found, if ever, they may not realize you did it over the holidays or be less likely to develop a direct association but that is a stretch and based on your post it sounds like you do live with them.

I think you may just have to decide which you want to do more between not tainting this holiday for them or leaving this Earth.

 

[blur10600]

In the end what we do lives in the ones we leave behind, at least until they also eventually dissolve into nothingness.

 

[time2fly]

no real way to not ruin the holidays than to wait until after. you could *try* to make it look like a accident but that will still mess with the vibe. im planning on waiting until after new years / early jan. just to spend one last holiday season without completely ruining it for everyone. There is no easy way to pass without hurting someone. You just gotta accept that once the bus comes, its really just no longer your problem. Maybe try to buy a customized gift for the ones you worry about hurting before you go so they have something to remember you with. thats what im doing. Best wishes.

 

[CrappyMJ]

Yeah as others have said, the only way to avoid it is by stalling it for a week or so. If you're truly certain and its not an impulse move you should be able to push it

 

[Givenuponlife]

I'm waiting until after the holidays (includes new year). Wouldn't want people I know and respect to associate my death with it.

 

[BreathOnAMirror]

Unless you have everything set up and ready I would hold off a little, not like a month or anything, but a couple days. I wouldn't CTB on Christmas or New Years if you have loved ones who you know will be extremely effected by it, like you said, we don't want to tinge the holiday for them. The couple days between Christmas and New Years wouldn't be great either but they're a better option, and ofc any time in the new year is open. Personally, I don't want people to have conflicted feelings on the date of my death, I'd like to keep holidays at least semi cheerful, and I'd like the day of my death to be mine and mine alone.

 

[FuneralCry]

The way that I see it, when I die whatever happens in this world after I'm gone could never be my concern as I simply won't be there at that point. I feel as though whatever time of the year we die on, it will affect those that are left behind but after all we will all die and lose everything anyway even if we don't ctb. Grief and loss are an inevitable part of life and death is the most normal thing ever.

 

[Chaestergram]

Thank you sincerely everyone for respectfully replying, it truly is helpful to read all of your messages and advice. I wasn't fully sure if I had the strength to wait a couple more days but after all a few days should be nothing to keep on holding on since my mind is fix but I guess needed the little boost of reinsurance that I am not the only one wanting to not just ruin loved ones association of a holiday.

 

[theboy]

CTB note

 

[damaged_soul]

I would suggest waiting a bit longer if you're concerned about your family members being traumatized. However, I really do believe that the holidays is the best time to kill oneself. That is when ER's are most overburdened, so if you end up seeking medical help after a suicide attempt, you'll be less likely to get the help you need to survive. Plus, at least for me, during the holidays, most people in my apartment building (as well as my landlord) are out visiting family, so I wouldn't be able to get help from them if I try to kill myself. In addition, the holiday spirit reduces my anxiety about suicide, which makes it easier to attempt. My last suicide attempt was on New Year's for this reason, and in the future I would prefer killing myself on New Year's as well (I guess Christmas would work too but I love Christmas too much and want to celebrate it lol). I don't think my family would be more traumatized if I killed myself during the holidays as opposed to any other time of year because they don't really celebrate Christmas or New Year's that much. Also, my family lives a thousand miles away and I have no friends, so when I do kill myself, I'm sure my corpse will rot for a long time before anyone even finds out I died.