How can i stop being afraid?

[IWasColdBesideYou]

My life is empty, i have no talents, and im completely socially inept. I can't stay in a relationship for longer than 3 months. I wake up everyday in pain, spend my days in pain, and go to sleep in pain. I dont ever feel well and i rarely feel happy. I'm pitiful and hopeless but im too scared to even sh, let alone ctb. any tips on how i can become less fearful?

 

[MidnightDream]

I think it's normal to be afraid. Death is quite literally the most permanent decision we can make, and it's entirely unknown territory.
I think a lot of being scared has to do with your mindset and perspective, but I also think fear can be a good thing. If you're too scared, then maybe there's something still holding you here? Maybe not, that's up to you. In terms of getting over your fear, lots of planning and familiarising yourself with those plans, lots of thinking about whether its truly what you want and why you want it, perhaps spend some time trying to work out exactly what is is you're scared of. Is it pain? permanence? the unknown? pinning it down and doing research to reduce that thing might help reduce your fear generally. But a bit of fear is normal and good

 

[FuneralCry]

I think that many people likely get over any fears of ctb once they have a method plan that they feel confident in and they just know that it's time for them for leave. Maybe many people who succeeded in ctb finally got the courage when they reached a certain point of desperation and all that they wished for is to finally be free.

But the reality is that there are no easy answers to this, going through with suicide really is so unnecessarily difficult in this world where the most peaceful method options are restricted, and how there are risks and complications involved in suicide methods. If I had a method as peaceful as N, I would have no problems going through with ctb but sadly that's not the reality. I just think that after all, only the individual knows when the time is right to leave this world.

 

[Source Energy]

As long as you still hold hope, no matter how small, you are holding on and not ready to ctb. Once all hope has been squashed, and there is nothing to open your eyes to, you will lose the fear. It is a gradual process that grinds down your soul until there is nothing left. People who found the guts to ctb lost it all.

 

[Krobo]

Whether you want to turn around your life or end it, I think taking baby steps to mentally prepare yourself for whatever situation you're afraid of would be the way to go. One day, I might write out a schedule filled with a list of concrete things to do, mentally playing out the scenario in my head, and another, I might practice placing any tools I'm using in front of myself. I might gradually move on to performing rehearsals, where I go through the motions without putting myself at any real risk until the actions feel more natural. This basically seems to be what psychs do with exposure therapy for phobias.

In the meantime, I might look for small changes in my life I could make that I couldn't take back without significant effort, a checklist of lasting goals to achieve, like a computer progress bar running in the background inevitably inching forwards to 100%.

e: This is what I'm trying personally, at least.

 

[SexyIncél]

Might help to think you're better than this world, you deserve more than this

 

[IWasColdBesideYou]

I think that many people likely get over any fears of ctb once they have a method plan that they feel confident in and they just know that it's time for them for leave. Maybe many people who succeeded in ctb finally got the courage when they reached a certain point of desperation and all that they wished for is to finally be free.

But the reality is that there are no easy answers to this, going through with suicide really is so unnecessarily difficult in this world where the most peaceful method options are restricted, and how there are risks and complications involved in suicide methods. If I had a method as peaceful as N, I would have no problems going through with ctb but sadly that's not the reality. I just think that after all, only the individual knows when the time is right to leave this world.

I think this is my issue too, a year or 2 back the fear of death used to crush my soul. All i could ever think about was my eventual death. Here we are now, my life going downhill and hitting bump after bump. Im less so scared of death and its permanence, than the chance of failure and the pain the methods available to me will cause. My mother already suspects im depressed so if i ever did go through with it and fail, I know for a fact she would try to get me admitted to a psych ward

 

[Mr. Squiggles]

My life is empty, i have no talents, and im completely socially inept. I can't stay in a relationship for longer than 3 months. I wake up everyday in pain, spend my days in pain, and go to sleep in pain. I dont ever feel well and i rarely feel happy. I'm pitiful and hopeless but im too scared to even sh, let alone ctb. any tips on how i can become less fearful?

i wish i could be in a relationship this long {:
i am sorry to hear that.. the thing about fear is it would be less threatening with every repetition of controlled exposure you can withstand. but thats not so much an option here.
and i dont want to be too overly optimistic in the wrong threads. but i dont believe you. there is creativity inbetween those lines. that and the reflection of your personal trauma are the foundation for finding your very own dancing star.

 

[IWasColdBesideYou]

i wish i could be in a relationship this long {:
i am sorry to hear that.. the thing about fear is it would be less threatening with every repetition of controlled exposure you can withstand. but thats not so much an option here.
and i dont want to be too overly optimistic in the wrong threads. but i dont believe you. there is creativity inbetween those lines. that and the reflection of your personal trauma are the foundation for finding your very own dancing star.

i have no problem with optimism, i think recovery is great. I just view my life as a mistake, one not meant to be lived. I can't socialize, i absolutely loathe having to talk to other people, yet the world is full of them. Im sure you know the saying thats commonly used in conversations about someone passing (atleast where im from) "everytime one door closes, a new door opens." I see no real reason to live, when the end of my rather unimpressive life could allow someone with a chance in the world to live a beautiful one. Anyways, sorry if what im saying doesnt make too much sense, and for posting on the forums so much on my first day using the site. It's just relieving to be able to talk about this stuff with no fear of it being considered inappropriate.

 

[Mr. Squiggles]

i have no problem with optimism, i think recovery is great. I just view my life as a mistake, one not meant to be lived. I can't socialize, i absolutely loathe having to talk to other people, yet the world is full of them. Im sure you know the saying thats commonly used in conversations about someone passing (atleast where im from) "everytime one door closes, a new door opens." I see no real reason to live, when the end of my rather unimpressive life could allow someone with a chance in the world to live a beautiful one. Anyways, sorry if what im saying doesnt make too much sense, and for posting on the forums so much on my first day using the site. It's just relieving to be able to talk about this stuff with no fear of it being considered inappropriate.

you are making perfect sense. seriously, i know that spot.
i think it was my fifth suicide attempt when i was closest to making it. it was a very long road of self destruction.
there was no warm light and no beautiful life as a movie.
instead it was cold white noise that drowned all and everything i have never done.
i could bullshit you and say the pain never stops. it just gets passed on, and ripples through reality until everyone is gone.
but it wasnt my last attempt.
when i was in the darkest spot, there was only a way up. and ever since then my inner pull to what i want has been honest.
the idea of making room for someone is lovely and admirable. but look at the world we invite people in {:

the thing is. i like that quote: one must have chaos in oneself to give birth to a dancing star.
if you are creative and have a strong understanding of yourself, with all its darkness, there is a thing that only you can create. nobody else. because its your very own lifelong shape with your unique ressources. and that is something incredible powerful. and beautiful. it enriches the world.

most people would never venture through that darkness. thats why its always rare

 

[IWasColdBesideYou]

you are making perfect sense. seriously, i know that spot.
i think it was my fifth suicide attempt when i was closest to making it. it was a very long road of self destruction.
there was no warm light and no beautiful life as a movie.
instead it was cold white noise that drowned all and everything i have never done.
i could bullshit you and say the pain never stops. it just gets passed on, and ripples through reality until everyone is gone.
but it wasnt my last attempt.
when i was in the darkest spot, there was only a way up. and ever since then my inner pull to what i want has been honest.
the idea of making room for someone is lovely and admirable. but look at the world we invite people in {:

the thing is. i like that quote: one must have chaos in oneself to give birth to a dancing star.
if you are creative and have a strong understanding of yourself, with all its darkness, there is a thing that only you can create. nobody else. because its your very own lifelong shape with your unique ressources. and that is something incredible powerful. and beautiful. it enriches the world.

most people would never venture through that darkness. thats why its always rare

I don't understand myself too much anymore. It feels like im multiple people. i can't really like things for more than a few months, i'll hyperfixate on something and then eventually my interest in it fades. Not over the course of 10 years, or 5 years, or even a year, a few fucking months! sometimes even weeks!! There's nothing unique about me. I feel like everything i shouldn't be. Im starting to not even really feel human. Im disconnected from other people, i feel like i make everyone feel worse, like my presence is a curse to others. I don't even know what i feel most of the time. Im young so maybe i just haven't dealt with some of the events in my life yet, but i really don't know what i feel anymore. My emotions are becoming harder to explain as the days pass.

Anyhow, your words have kind of brought me "back to reality" i guess you could say. Im not fixed, obviously. If all it took was some very kind words then this site wouldn't exist. Im not completely sure i want to die, nor am i completely sure i want to live. I'll take some of the advice given earlier in this thread and see how things change.

 

[Mr. Squiggles]

I don't understand myself too much anymore. It feels like im multiple people. i can't really like things for more than a few months, i'll hyperfixate on something and then eventually my interest in it fades. Not over the course of 10 years, or 5 years, or even a year, a few fucking months! sometimes even weeks!! There's nothing unique about me. I feel like everything i shouldn't be. Im starting to not even really feel human. Im disconnected from other people, i feel like i make everyone feel worse, like my presence is a curse to others. I don't even know what i feel most of the time. Im young so maybe i just haven't dealt with some of the events in my life yet, but i really don't know what i feel anymore. My emotions are becoming harder to explain as the days pass.

Anyhow, your words have kind of brought me "back to reality" i guess you could say. Im not fixed, obviously. If all it took was some very kind words then this site wouldn't exist. Im not completely sure i want to die, nor am i completely sure i want to live. I'll take some of the advice given earlier in this thread and see how things change.

ya i get that. we are all a legion of characters, none of them flat. i think people with DID only have stricter distinctions between.
i think the interest is something normal these days. i can only learn what i like, there is no use in trying to save all the data we get bombarded with.
you are right about not a certain aspect being special. theres always another dude acing that.
its more of 'the whole of you makes you unique.' i believe theres a lot more special about you than what you'd like to believe. i dont think i make much sense when i say stuff. but every little detail about you is something about you.
its also valid to disconnect from your surroundings.
when i was a child i wished to be never normal, because all the normal i knew was abuse and hate. the occasional special person just states the exception.
for a long time i got more and more silent, because every letter seemed like a curse locked onto a dead person.
a lot of people left me behind because my presence is too heavy, but you know what. normal people bore me. to death.
id rather cry with someone interesting i just met than talk about weather in a cubicle.

all your feelings are valid. its just hard to untangle sometimes, to see what kind of amalgamations brew underneath.
im sorry for those walls. but i know your pain