violetforever
Warlock
- Dec 24, 2025
- 788
i dont think ive had a night this traumatic since i was a child. i live with my grandparents and theyve never gotten along. tonight my grandma was really ill and went to the hospital. she only told me, not my grandpa, so when i told him he was visibly upset. this turned into him forcing me to sit with him for almost 2 hours listening to him rant. first about how broken their marriage is which was already triggering me and making me uncomfortable. i just sat and nodded and listened. my family, mainly just my grandpa and mom, is religious to the point of it being abusive so his rant shifted to religious psychosis. this is when i started feeling afraid instead of just uncomfortable. he was basically just saying how im either going to heaven or hell and how everyone is sinful and jesus died for us. then he said "this world is terrible." and gestured to everything in the room and said "look at everything, what is all of this? nothing of this world matters. we all die in the end." i just started thinking about how much it sounds like christians and suicidal people have in common about wanting to not be of this world anymore. i felt my eyes watering up sometimes throughout listening to him but held it back. i felt myself kind of zoning out too. he probably had been talking for an hour by now. he got up and i thought it was over but then he came back and started talking about god again. it was 1 am at this point and my head was pounding and i felt tired and he wouldnt stop talking and the stress of it all just made me finally break and start crying. i was just sitting there crying and staring at the floor and shaking. he didnt acknowledge me crying at all. he just kept going on and on. he even got up and stood in front of me and kept ranting at me. i felt like a scared child again. he wasnt being aggressive or anything but he was just ranting like he was unstable and saying insane things. he said hes ready to be taken by god tomorrow and then he brought up how his brother committed suicide. i think i was almost disassociating at this point. i kept thinking when will this end? then he went back to saying how he knows that we are all suffering from his and my grandmas marriage and he brought up how we have suffered enough from my parents abusive marriage. the whole 2 hours felt like the worst psychological torture ive ever endured. i cant live here anymore and i just moved in. ive lived with my grandparents before but now everyone is at their breaking points with each other and its the unhealthiest environment. ive never had my grandpa rant to me like that in my life. i cant live like this any longer. my family is terrifying. i wonder all the time why i had to be born into this. its so obvious why i turned out the way i did. im crying all over again because it will never end unless i kill myself.
