How badly do you want to die?

[deathoverlife]

Very very very badly, i feel trapped every day that goes on. I thought i was close to liberation after ordering Nembutal, but after 40days i still didn't get anything, probably the customs, starting to feel really really desperate and frustrated, especially that i have 0 second thought about killing myself, i'm sure of my decision and dead set on executing it, yet i still can't find any reliable method (guns are also illegal in my country). I would say 9/10 too.

If i had Nembutal i'd drink it right now, but i still wouldn't say 10/10 since that would be "jumping on the train level tonight, whatever the risks" and i'm still not willing to risk ending as a vegetable or getting caught in the tracks.

been thru that frustrating phase.. after lot of research and contemplation I finally chose helium gas... still nervous..hope it works

 

[Suicideisnirvana]

I wish I died the moment that fuckin heart attack took my husband.. just holding on for my child. have some unfinished business.. this month would be my last in this world. I am determined about it. Would be using heliun for my exit. picking up my cylinder this week end. worried about my girl. at times I feel to take her with me.. the thought it self tears me inside out. but then am terrified to leave her alone in this big bad world. am so terrified and confused. I so want to die..!! done with this life

Have you tried therapy ? Medication ?

Don't take it badly, but i think parents who have a dependant child have to at least try everything possible before considering suicide.

 

[deathoverlife]

y

Have you tried therapy ? Medication ?

Don't take it badly, but i think parents who have a dependant child have to at least try everything possible before considering suicide.

i get what ur trying to say. i tried everything..nothing helps. more over i don't want to live..every sec the urge to get out of this world is growing strong. i don't want to fight it and i will not. only worried about my daughter. not sure but might take her with me..pls don't judge me for saying it. going thru very difficult and farkest phase of my life and am sure this would be thr last dark phase of this life..

 

[Schopenhauer]

Very very very badly, i feel trapped every day that goes on. I thought i was close to liberation after ordering Nembutal, but after 40days i still didn't get anything, probably the customs, starting to feel really really desperate and frustrated, especially that i have 0 second thought about killing myself, i'm sure of my decision and dead set on executing it, yet i still can't find any reliable method (guns are also illegal in my country). I would say 9/10 too.

If i had Nembutal i'd drink it right now, but i still wouldn't say 10/10 since that would be "jumping on the train level tonight, whatever the risks" and i'm still not willing to risk ending as a vegetable or getting caught in the tracks.

This sucks badly. Tomorrow I'll be paying for the N. Hopefully I'll be able to hang myself, and not need it. Customs sucks.

 

[Going Home]

How badly? 10.
And medical staff believe what they want! When I was in a Florida hospital I told the tech it seemed like it was getting dark to me in the hallway, nothing. After a couple seconds I passed out. I came to on a hard bed with my pressure being taken by the nurse. Afterwards nurse Susan turned around and said to the tech in a low voice, "probably faking". My low blood pressure didn't matter, nor the bump on my head. When the doctor came HOURS later he talked over me about psych meds. He didn't touch at my head or mention it. There were cameras in the hallway if anyone wanted to see what happened. No one would waste their time on me. They may as well have put me in the garbage with thrown out lunch.
Emotionally I'm ready, been ready, but I need things that aren't easy for me to get for my plan. I refuse to be in anymore pain.
So how badly do I want to? 10 like others who can't do it right away for numerous reasons.

 

[deathbycakes]

on a scale of 1-10, i'd say 15. i want to die cause my SO is already on the other side... and LDR while he's in another realm doesnt really work for me ):

 

[Going Home]

Every time I go to the clinic they ask how bad my pain is. Even when I wrote ten the jackass of a doctor was like you don't look like you're in that much pain. Then why the fuck would you ask the question then. What do you expect me to do? Start wailing and crying so then you can say okay it's a 10 now. I'm hoping I can get some honesty here to that question. How badly do you want to die on a scale of 1 to 10. I would say I'm at a 9 because I still have that small hope left that somehow surgery will fix me. I think if you say 10 then you wouldn't be posting, you'd already be hanging somewhere. I imagine most of your numbers will be pretty high. I'm interested to see what most people say. If you can the reason why would be appreciated too. Thank you.

Doctors and nurses can be horrible. I wonder why some of these people are in the profession. They end up making me feel worse. If they don't like you ANYTHING that happens, they'll say you are doing it for attention. I hope their family members are treated the same way.

 

[Schopenhauer]

on a scale of 1-10, i'd say 15. i want to die cause my SO is already on the other side... and LDR while he's in another realm doesnt really work for me ):

Totally off-topic, but I loved your name. Made me actually smile.

 

[deathbycakes]

Totally off-topic, but I loved your name. Made me actually smile.

well my name would be the best way for me to die :p maybe poisonous cake could do the trick but idk how to bake one >.>

 

[Jon]

If I could be dead at the blink of the eye, then 10. But because of the complications involved in taking one's life, then deduct 4, so after deductions 6. But if situations got so bad and there was not even a glimmer of hope, then my desire would exceed 10 and thus even after deductions then the will to die would overcome the fear of pain and even more, the fear of not dying and instead being left a vegetable (though my current plan is to combine three methods and thus reduce the chance of survival).

 

[Jblack]

There is no rating on wanting to die. Each of us suffers from something that cannot be helped by doctors. Whether it is severe depression, a terminal disease, or extreme physical pain caused by an injury. You reach a point where you have to say enough. I want control of my life back and end things on my terms. I know that setting in a hospice is not something I want to face. Exiting when I am ready is something I will do but not because I have reached a 10 on a "want to die scale". None of us really wants to die, but the truth is we all die. Some sooner, some later. I am here, to be able to talk and share with folks who understand my decision and what I am facing. Somehow, putting a number scale to wanting to die becomes a little judgmental.

 

[Schopenhauer]

well my name would be the best way for me to die :p maybe poisonous cake could do the trick but idk how to bake one >.>

I would pay quite a lot to die by poisonous cake. Maybe just something symbolic, such as a digestible gelatin capsule filled with cyanide insert post hoc into the baked cake.

 

[Lost21]

Actually what I want is not to die but to control the timing of my death

 

[Lra888]

When I wake up is the worst. I just get this feeling of dread and never want to get out of bed

I feel this. The moment consciousness hits me in the morning my heart sinks, I tense up and my stomachs hurts. What makes it worse is sometimes I have pleasant dreams and upon waking that momentary escape is destroyed.

 

[Lra888]

9.5

I know that I can't stay alive much longer and suicide is inevitable because of what my mental illness has done to my life as well as the impossibility of improving or fixing anything. .5 to live a bit longer because I have to plan correctly and get the exit right.

 

[Deleted member 24006]

On a scale from 1-10 ...... 9.9999 Testing my DeBreather this week once the soda lime is delivered. I can almost taste the relief coming .....

 

[mimiopo22]

9

 

[Wrennie]

I want to die so, so badly. I'm only alive right now because the only method I have accessible to me has a high risk of failure due to me sharing my living quarters with family.

On a scale from 1-10 ...... 9.9999 Testing my DeBreather this week once the soda lime is delivered. I can almost taste the relief coming .....

Oh wow! Did you order it before it was pulled from the R2D site or did you build your own?

 

[Deleted member 24006]

I want to die so, so badly. I'm only alive right now because the only method I have accessible to me has a high risk of failure due to me sharing my living quarters with family.

Oh wow! Did you order it before it was pulled from the R2D site or did you build your own?

Made my own

 

[Wrennie]

Made my own

That's seriously impressive! I hope it works the way you intended

 

[Bazzinga]

Every time I go to the clinic they ask how bad my pain is. Even when I wrote ten the jackass of a doctor was like you don't look like you're in that much pain. Then why the fuck would you ask the question then. What do you expect me to do? Start wailing and crying so then you can say okay it's a 10 now. I'm hoping I can get some honesty here to that question. How badly do you want to die on a scale of 1 to 10. I would say I'm at a 9 because I still have that small hope left that somehow surgery will fix me. I think if you say 10 then you wouldn't be posting, you'd already be hanging somewhere. I imagine most of your numbers will be pretty high. I'm interested to see what most people say. If you can the reason why would be appreciated too. Thank you.

If there was a button which made life end I would press it without thinking twice, but sadly there isn't what I want to say is I want to be dead but I can't:(

 

[Nodscene]

I sympathise with your pain issues as I run into the same assholes who think they they have an idea of what living with unbearable chronic pain feels like.

A while back I was in the hospital with a kidney infection and told them my pain level was a 7.5-8 (after complaining about how stupid the whole pain scale is, especially when one person can say their pain is a 10 and someone else will give a lower score while suffering the same and get treated differently) so the put me in a room and left me there for way too long. It was only when I started throwing up due to the pain did they decide to pay any attention to me.

The issue is that most if not all doctors think everyone is a drug seeker and can't possibly be in any real pain.

As for my desire to CTB, it's a full 10. I failed in Nov and just waiting for my SN to arrive (hopefully) so I can finish what I started. This time even putting me on life support will be futile.

 

[Deleted member 1768]

Every time I go to the clinic they ask how bad my pain is. Even when I wrote ten the jackass of a doctor was like you don't look like you're in that much pain. Then why the fuck would you ask the question then. What do you expect me to do? Start wailing and crying so then you can say okay it's a 10 now. I'm hoping I can get some honesty here to that question. How badly do you want to die on a scale of 1 to 10. I would say I'm at a 9 because I still have that small hope left that somehow surgery will fix me. I think if you say 10 then you wouldn't be posting, you'd already be hanging somewhere. I imagine most of your numbers will be pretty high. I'm interested to see what most people say. If you can the reason why would be appreciated too. Thank you.

I am definitely a ten, have been for a long time, but the method MUST work and that takes time. I also have a responsibility to my family, and will not go until they can survive without my presence. Almost there.

 

[makingsure4]

Made my own

If you ever feel like sharing how you made it..please do.