painoflife
Arcanist
- Jul 27, 2019
- 491
So recently I had made it clear that I was unhappy with getting a new diagnosis added each time I saw a psychiatrist, because I never get to see the same one twice (big cheer for the NHS). They always add more and more diagnosis, even ones which contradict previous things yet none are ever removed even when they say they disagree with them now.
I got the chance to see (online) a specialist for a second opinion on all the things I have been diagnosed with. He was lovely, and actually listened and wasn't patronising for a change. We had a 90 min discussion and then he would write a letter after thinking about what was said, then we will have another appointment in a few weeks to discuss what is in the letter. Today I got the letter..
He seems to strongly think I have Schizoid Personality Disorder. I had never even heard of this before, it's never been mentioned. Also thought from my notes I may have Aspergers but after speaking to me he wasn't sure on that as much and thinks I should have an assessment for it just incase. I had been expecting EUPD diagnosis as I feel I relate to that, and have been told in the past I have it but it was never officially recorded in my notes for some reason. He hasn't said he thinks that is the right diagnosis but I may have traits which are common to that and SPD. He isn't confident enough about anything to remove previous diagnosis even if he disagrees and now I will just have this added on aswell, which is precisely the thing I said I was unhappy with previously.
Having now done the basic reading up online about SPD I feel very hopeless. It seems like a death sentence unless you want to just live a solitary life and accept it. Bearing in mind I have been in a stable relationship for nearly 10 years is this even a correct diagnosis?
I guess I feel more than ever that CTB is the right option for me because my life will never improve. I am the problem. Who I am. I don't have the energy or the drive to change myself, and don't see why I should be expected to try and fit it when I am not comfortable with it. This feels like another nail in the coffin for me. I guess I question my decision a lot and then something like this makes it a whole lot easier to know it is for the best for me and everyone else.
Sorry for the rant, it is just one of those days.
I got the chance to see (online) a specialist for a second opinion on all the things I have been diagnosed with. He was lovely, and actually listened and wasn't patronising for a change. We had a 90 min discussion and then he would write a letter after thinking about what was said, then we will have another appointment in a few weeks to discuss what is in the letter. Today I got the letter..
He seems to strongly think I have Schizoid Personality Disorder. I had never even heard of this before, it's never been mentioned. Also thought from my notes I may have Aspergers but after speaking to me he wasn't sure on that as much and thinks I should have an assessment for it just incase. I had been expecting EUPD diagnosis as I feel I relate to that, and have been told in the past I have it but it was never officially recorded in my notes for some reason. He hasn't said he thinks that is the right diagnosis but I may have traits which are common to that and SPD. He isn't confident enough about anything to remove previous diagnosis even if he disagrees and now I will just have this added on aswell, which is precisely the thing I said I was unhappy with previously.
Having now done the basic reading up online about SPD I feel very hopeless. It seems like a death sentence unless you want to just live a solitary life and accept it. Bearing in mind I have been in a stable relationship for nearly 10 years is this even a correct diagnosis?
I guess I feel more than ever that CTB is the right option for me because my life will never improve. I am the problem. Who I am. I don't have the energy or the drive to change myself, and don't see why I should be expected to try and fit it when I am not comfortable with it. This feels like another nail in the coffin for me. I guess I question my decision a lot and then something like this makes it a whole lot easier to know it is for the best for me and everyone else.
Sorry for the rant, it is just one of those days.
