Lost life

[grasping_at_straws]

I've been away from the site for a while trying to rebuild my life.

None of it's working things have only gotten worse. Now my gf has even disappeared on me and my only friend my mom has dementia and is very sick so I have no one to talk to but counselors and people who aren't very invested in me.

I just visited dignitaries sit and gods i wish I lived in Sweden. I may try to get them to help me.

Everyday I live in isolation with crushing depression and pain from my scoliosis, psoriasis, and lymphedema in my legs.

I live with my parents and my dad gets angry with me and yells to much. He also always reminds me of how he no longer loves my mom and thinks she was a bad wife and mother which I disagree. She wasn't perfect but his rageaholic ass never made things easy.

I wish I was back in Florida doing special fx art for my old boss and he's offered for me to come back but I can't currently move due to financial and physical limitations.

I just don't know what to do. I'm such an ugly waste and I just want to die without alot of dammage done and I'd like to find a reliable less painful way.

I've attempted before but have been found every time. Then shoved in the mental hospital and treated as a problem.

My home with my parents is a wreck. I don't get proper food. Don't even have my own bedroom I can use anymore because with my lymphedema I couldn't do stairs and my dad cluttered my room up with stuff because he's a hoarder.

He's vowed to never let me die as long as he's alive. Which is why I'm not sure if dignitaries can help me. I'm on ssi and my dad is my power of attorney and has worked his way into controlling my money.

Gods I wanna die. Life is just way to much.

 

[ke9]

I hear you. This sense of a lost life is a sadness I carry with me. Like a running set of shocks that I can't believe xy or z happened . . . and keeps happening.

The special fx art is cool, though. Maybe this can be a goal to work toward even if it can't happen at the moment for practical reasons.

 

[grasping_at_straws]

I hear you. This sense of a lost life is a sadness I carry with me. Like a running set of shocks that I can't believe xy or z happened . . . and keeps happening.

The special fx art is cool, though. Maybe this can be a goal to work toward even if it can't happen at the moment for practical reasons.

Yeah, it'd be great to return to fx but right now if im not dreaming it just doesn't seem possible... just fantasy.

 

[ke9]

Just kind of a project person myself, writing books that like three people read. And trying to figure out if it's worth writing another. Are there any fx related things you can do at present, even just building skills?

 

[FuneralCry]

I also just wish to be gone, I'm sorry you have to suffer so much in this existence, it's so cruel to me how there's all this pain and suffering in existing. But anyway I wish you the best.