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darknesstakeme

darknesstakeme

Member
Mar 12, 2025
17
hi everyone,
I dont really know if anyone cares, but I just wanted to vent a little about my struggles and my reasoning for wanting to CTB.

Im diagnosed BPD and have struggled for nearly 10+ years of my life trying to fight the urges and keep going. I SH regulary and i try to do everything right, take my meds even go to
Therapy. Im a victim of rpe and have attempted twice before but I promised
My mother, the only person who truly cared for
Me that I would not try again, However she passed 3+ years ago now, and since then I started researching and planning.

Everyday is a battle and Ive finally got my method - hanging/partial, I found this site and will be using the next few days to make sure I have everything I need to make sure its 100% fullproof.

I just wanted to say thankyou for creating this space as so many irl want you to feel guilty or wrong for wanting to ctb, but who are they to say that living is worth all this suffering?

I may post questions/ask for reasurance a lot im sorry thats just my way of making sure everything is right,
Thanks H x
 
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P

Praestat_Mori

Mori praestat, quam haec pati!
May 21, 2023
12,097
Welcome to SaSu!
 
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TheHolySword

TheHolySword

empty heart
Nov 22, 2024
999
Welcome to the forum. I'm sorry that life has brought you here, but I hope you are able to find some solace in this community. We'll be here while you still are.
 
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waistcoat

waistcoat

wow, i have a lot of people to disappoint :o
Aug 10, 2024
259
I'm deeply sorry life has brought you here. I hope you find solace in our community. Please don't feel pressured to follow through with what you have shared here - it is always okay to change your mind.
 
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darknesstakeme

darknesstakeme

Member
Mar 12, 2025
17
Welcome to SaSu!
thankyou x
I'm deeply sorry life has brought you here. I hope you find solace in our community. Please don't feel pressured to follow through with what you have shared here - it is always okay to change your mind.
Thankyou.. Im also sorry that life has been cruel to everyone here, Thankyou for saying its okay to change my mind too however i dont know if i will ever want too x
Welcome to the forum. I'm sorry that life has brought you here, but I hope you are able to find some solace in this community. We'll be here while you still are.
Thankyou, I will try to be here for anyone who needs someone too x
Thankyou x
 
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GuppyBoyo

GuppyBoyo

Member
Mar 6, 2025
18
regarding the hanging methods:
-partial hanging can fail to reasons outside of your control, since you're so close to the floor your body's convulsions might cause you to depress the noose making the entire attempt fail, when i attempted 3 years ago my unconscious body managed to right itself up, completely removing the pressure on my neck and causing me to regain consciousness
-full suspension can only be made reliable if the drop breaks your neck, and still. it hurts a lot
 
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darknesstakeme

darknesstakeme

Member
Mar 12, 2025
17
hello, Yes i did a deep dive on partial and regardless of getting positioning right on your catorids rather than jugular its still possible for your body to correct yourself :( however I did find a thread that had numerous successful attempts shown.
With full suspesion it was going to be my second failing partial, Im not concerned of the pain - its more so finding the right place for it to be possible.
I have also looked into the SN method but it takes too long with too many factors, I dont want to wait any longer than i have too x
regarding the hanging methods:
-partial hanging can fail to reasons outside of your control, since you're so close to the floor your body's convulsions might cause you to depress the noose making the entire attempt fail, when i attempted 3 years ago my unconscious body managed to right itself up, completely removing the pressure on my neck and causing me to regain consciousness
-full suspension can only be made reliable if the drop breaks your neck, and still. it hurts
 
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DarknessWave

DarknessWave

Member
Mar 10, 2025
65
Welcome to the site!
 
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deadbidaylight

deadbidaylight

When life leaves us blind, love keeps us kind
Feb 27, 2025
146
Full suspension is 100% lethal if you are not found in time. The only difference is how quickly you fall unconscious. If you hit your carotids, it's within seconds. If not, you suffocate, which is much worse, but still lethal.

Welcome to SS. I'm sorry that you're here, but we welcome you just the same. I hope you can find solace in the community while you're here. Please ask questions. It's a safe space here, and we will never judge.
 
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davidtorez

davidtorez

Mage
Mar 8, 2024
594
hi everyone,
I dont really know if anyone cares, but I just wanted to vent a little about my struggles and my reasoning for wanting to CTB.

Im diagnosed BPD and have struggled for nearly 10+ years of my life trying to fight the urges and keep going. I SH regulary and i try to do everything right, take my meds even go to
Therapy. Im a victim of rpe and have attempted twice before but I promised
My mother, the only person who truly cared for
Me that I would not try again, However she passed 3+ years ago now, and since then I started researching and planning.

Everyday is a battle and Ive finally got my method - hanging/partial, I found this site and will be using the next few days to make sure I have everything I need to make sure its 100% fullproof.

I just wanted to say thankyou for creating this space as so many irl want you to feel guilty or wrong for wanting to ctb, but who are they to say that living is worth all this suffering?

I may post questions/ask for reasurance a lot im sorry thats just my way of making sure everything is right,
Thanks H x
Sad to read your story. But happy your amongst fellow sufferers on this forum !
 
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darknesstakeme

darknesstakeme

Member
Mar 12, 2025
17
Welcome to the site!
Thankyou! X
Full suspension is 100% lethal if you are not found in time. The only difference is how quickly you fall unconscious. If you hit your carotids, it's within seconds. If not, you suffocate, which is much worse, but still lethal.

Welcome to SS. I'm sorry that you're here, but we welcome you just the same. I hope you can find solace in the community while you're here. Please ask questions. It's a safe space here, and we will never judge.
Yes thats what Ive been led to believe, and that it might even be a good idea to practice a few times.
Thankyou very much x
Sad to read your story. But happy your amongst fellow sufferers on this forum !
Thankyou - im glad to have found somewhere that doesnt ban you immediately for showing any signs of MH x
 
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FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
41,051
It sounds like you've suffered a lot, it's just so cruel to me how there's all this suffering in existing but anyway I wish you the best, I hope you find the peace you search for.
 
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darknesstakeme

darknesstakeme

Member
Mar 12, 2025
17
It sounds like you've suffered a lot, it's just so cruel to me how there's all this suffering in existing but anyway I wish you the best, I hope you find the peace you search for.
I think all of us have suffered to be here, but sometimes its nice to be validated rather than 'you're so strong, things will get better bla bla bla' So thankyou very much x
 
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twilightSparriw

twilightSparriw

TwilightSparrow
Mar 6, 2025
46
hi everyone,
I dont really know if anyone cares, but I just wanted to vent a little about my struggles and my reasoning for wanting to CTB.

Im diagnosed BPD and have struggled for nearly 10+ years of my life trying to fight the urges and keep going. I SH regulary and i try to do everything right, take my meds even go to
Therapy. Im a victim of rpe and have attempted twice before but I promised
My mother, the only person who truly cared for
Me that I would not try again, However she passed 3+ years ago now, and since then I started researching and planning.

Everyday is a battle and Ive finally got my method - hanging/partial, I found this site and will be using the next few days to make sure I have everything I need to make sure its 100% fullproof.

I just wanted to say thankyou for creating this space as so many irl want you to feel guilty or wrong for wanting to ctb, but who are they to say that living is worth all this suffering?

I may post questions/ask for reasurance a lot im sorry thats just my way of making sure everything is right,
Thanks H x
Don't be sorry for asking or trying to find reassurance… your writings will be read and answered.
 
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darknesstakeme

darknesstakeme

Member
Mar 12, 2025
17
Don't be sorry for asking or trying to find reassurance… your writings will be read and answered.
Thankyou very much - im thankful for this space where I can be honest and be heard x
 
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darknesstakeme

darknesstakeme

Member
Mar 12, 2025
17
Thankyou very much, and sorry that life has brought you here too - but im glad theres a space for us x
 
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bloomingdahlia_

bloomingdahlia_

Member
Jun 22, 2024
19
Thankyou very much, and sorry that life has brought you here too - but im glad theres a space for us x
yeah, im glad we found a space that allows us to freely express our struggles too <3
 
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