Story Hi everyone (New here)

[WaveringLight]

Well, where do I start? I was born quite premature, had a significant brain bleed shortly after birth, and have impeding developmental disorders (ADD, Asperger's, things to do with motor control... Etc...). So life from the start and growing up was exactly smooth sailing. I'm sure there is worse than me out there, and I'm not here to make a sob story. In fact, I have always tried and persevered (sometimes) through most struggles life has thrown at me.

However, for me at least, these conditions have made living a sustainable life that I am satisfied with not really possible. And that's why throughout the years, the thought of CTB has became more and more prevalent. I have gone through many therapies, various psychiatric treatments for my impairments, but none seem to help or even worsen my state. I do not want to face more suffering than I already have been. This decision I am making is most certainly not impulsive.

Recently, I have acquired what I have needed to CTB (still waiting on one thing, but I have everything necessary if I wanted to do it now). And everything feels so much more relieving. I feel like I finally have control of my life. And I would like to be able to express these thoughts to this community that understands this sentiment. There is no fear I have in leaving this world, the only thing I am doing now is tying loose ends with my loved ones. Ensure my final words (letters/texts) are what I need them to be. And then I'll be on my departure. Yes, the fact that me doing this will cause great distress and/or trauma for my loved ones does not sit well with me. However, I must ultimately do what needs to be done for me. After all, no one chooses to exist or live the life they are given.

I hope all of you may find solace in whatever situation you are in. If you are recovering, I hope you can and I root for you. If you have came to the same decision I have, I hope we find peace.

Love you all.

 

[MidnightDream]

Welcome to the site! Sorry to see you here. Sounds like you've pretty much got yourself sorted, it's nice to hear you've found some relief from that! Hopefully we can be there for you however you need us until you're ready to go :) Sending you love

 

[WaveringLight]

Welcome to the site! Sorry to see you here. Sounds like you've pretty much got yourself sorted, it's nice to hear you've found some relief from that! Hopefully we can be there for you however you need us until you're ready to go :) Sending you love

I appreciate this, thank you (:

 

[FuneralCry]

Your feelings of wanting to be gone from this world are understandable and I get why you would feel so relieved at having a way to end all the suffering at a time of your own choosing. I hope that when the time is right for you to leave, you find the freedom that you are looking for.

 

[IntelligentLeg]

Hi. I'm new too. Welcome

 

[A simple aid]

Well, where do I start? I was born quite premature, had a significant brain bleed shortly after birth, and have impeding developmental disorders (ADD, Asperger's, things to do with motor control... Etc...). So life from the start and growing up was exactly smooth sailing. I'm sure there is worse than me out there, and I'm not here to make a sob story. In fact, I have always tried and persevered (sometimes) through most struggles life has thrown at me.

However, for me at least, these conditions have made living a sustainable life that I am satisfied with not really possible. And that's why throughout the years, the thought of CTB has became more and more prevalent. I have gone through many therapies, various psychiatric treatments for my impairments, but none seem to help or even worsen my state. I do not want to face more suffering than I already have been. This decision I am making is most certainly not impulsive.

Recently, I have acquired what I have needed to CTB (still waiting on one thing, but I have everything necessary if I wanted to do it now). And everything feels so much more relieving. I feel like I finally have control of my life. And I would like to be able to express these thoughts to this community that understands this sentiment. There is no fear I have in leaving this world, the only thing I am doing now is tying loose ends with my loved ones. Ensure my final words (letters/texts) are what I need them to be. And then I'll be on my departure. Yes, the fact that me doing this will cause great distress and/or trauma for my loved ones does not sit well with me. However, I must ultimately do what needs to be done for me. After all, no one chooses to exist or live the life they are given.

I hope all of you may find solace in whatever situation you are in. If you are recovering, I hope you can and I root for you. If you have came to the same decision I have, I hope we find peace.

Love you all.

very lovely message....usually id ask if there was still room to reconsider....especially since you said you are new here( meaning you havent given this community a try.....after all certified and supposedly qualified doesnt necessarily solve the problem) but if you are real sure about it then good luck to you...if by some miracle you are still around past the point you expected to be...well then you can try one last time before attempt 2....anyway Good Luck

 

[WaveringLight]

very lovely message....usually id ask if there was still room to reconsider....especially since you said you are new here( meaning you havent given this community a try.....after all certified and supposedly qualified doesnt necessarily solve the problem) but if you are real sure about it then good luck to you...if by some miracle you are still around past the point you expected to be...well then you can try one last time before attempt 2....anyway Good Luck

Heh, it's been almost a month since I've made this (my first thread). Time sure does fly. Anyhow, it seems I did not see your comment.

Thank you for the kind words. So far, being on this forum for a month has been great. I've integrated myself in this community, and I've got to meet a substantial amount of you wonderful people. It was always my goal to interlace myself with the community that shares this rare sediment of having your own choice. Being on here and spending what I perceive to be my last moments with my family and friends almost makes want to give life a second chance. My original thoughts have not changed however, since I am almost certain of the reality that lays ahead for me. Maybe, if my functioning wasn't so impaired, I would continue on, even if I wasn't perfect. But that is not reality, as alike for the others on here too (I would hope most people do not CTB impulsively here). I appreciate the love from you.

 

[A simple aid]

Heh, it's been almost a month since I've made this (my first thread). Time sure does fly. Anyhow, it seems I did not see your comment.

Thank you for the kind words. So far, being on this forum for a month has been great. I've integrated myself in this community, and I've got to meet a substantial amount of you wonderful people. It was always my goal to interlace myself with the community that shares this rare sediment of having your own choice. Being on here and spending what I perceive to be my last moments with my family and friends almost makes want to give life a second chance. My original thoughts have not changed however, since I am almost certain of the reality that lays ahead for me. Maybe, if my functioning wasn't so impaired, I would continue on, even if I wasn't perfect. But that is not reality, as alike for the others on here too (I would hope most people do not CTB impulsively here). I appreciate the love from you.

Alright bro....but if ur luck is as bad as most of the peps here ull be back planning ur bext move...so i wish u divine luck ....and hopefully u have all the support u need when ur planning the next one

 

[LookingOverTheEdge]

Thank you for sharing your story. I always think it takes a lot of bravery to do so, even if it's on a forum where we'll likely never know each other . I wish you the best