HeyBoogahJr
I'm still here.
- Apr 25, 2026
- 112
These last few weeks have been okay and ass.
I was gonna kill myself today. I have the tools necessary. But I'm holding out because my mind clearly wasn't in it yesterday. If I ask myself:
But I was nervous, I was overthinking and crying a ton. I couldn't come to a decision I was happy with, especially after a small bit of hope I was given.
I thought about it, and the original plan is better. I need to take the time to accept the pros and cons of both options. I get to live life and experience the shitshow with its ups and downs, or I die and it ends. Nothing more, nothing less. I'll be gone. Peaceful, but I'll be gone, with no more of anything.
I'll finish all that I need to do. I'll play the games I haven't finished, watch the shows, go see people I haven't seen, try some mental health services, see the stars, and head to the beach. Then, I'll ask myself if I want to die, and I'll come to my final decision right then and there. I hope when I do, I'll be able to look at death without worry, without being scared, and without regret.
Life has been okay and ass. I'm planting one more seed in hopes that it might get better, that I'll have a reason to remain, and if it doesn't... Then I know I'll be more content in my choice because I had given it my all.
And at the end, I'll take my entirety home.
So, what do you wanna do?
I was gonna kill myself today. I have the tools necessary. But I'm holding out because my mind clearly wasn't in it yesterday. If I ask myself:
the answer to both is "no."
But I was nervous, I was overthinking and crying a ton. I couldn't come to a decision I was happy with, especially after a small bit of hope I was given.
I thought about it, and the original plan is better. I need to take the time to accept the pros and cons of both options. I get to live life and experience the shitshow with its ups and downs, or I die and it ends. Nothing more, nothing less. I'll be gone. Peaceful, but I'll be gone, with no more of anything.
I'll finish all that I need to do. I'll play the games I haven't finished, watch the shows, go see people I haven't seen, try some mental health services, see the stars, and head to the beach. Then, I'll ask myself if I want to die, and I'll come to my final decision right then and there. I hope when I do, I'll be able to look at death without worry, without being scared, and without regret.
Life has been okay and ass. I'm planting one more seed in hopes that it might get better, that I'll have a reason to remain, and if it doesn't... Then I know I'll be more content in my choice because I had given it my all.
And at the end, I'll take my entirety home.
So, what do you wanna do?
