Venting Here we go again…

[HadronCollider]

Another round of depression. I don't know how much more I can take. I try to do everything right but it keeps coming back. It's getting more frequent. I go from meh to depressed. They say: what you do and what you think affects how you feel. Doing the right things doesn't keep me from spiraling. I try to control what I think but I just obsess and obsess. I think about CTB many times a day. I feel closer to acquiring my method. I wonder if I have it on hand will it relieve the pressure? Or would I just be more tempted?

 

[LoiteringClouds]

I'm so sorry for your depression. It's a pure mental torture.
In my case, I got my method and had been content with it for three years. But then my life took a nosedive and I couldn't resist the urge to use my method impulsively. I ingested my poisonous substance several times was eventually admitted to a psych ward. Fortunately the self-poisoning didn't left me disabled.
I hope your depression lifts as soon as possible...

 

[FuneralCry]

I believe that having the option of a method can be comforting for many people as they know that they have a way out and they no longer feel so trapped here. I consider those who have SN and especially N right now to be very fortunate, it's just so incredibly unfair how N is no longer an option.

But it does sound very tiring what you have to endure, I think that when it comes to acquiring a method only you know what is best after all. It's just so incredibly unfair how existing can cause people to suffer so much.

 

[d3c96524be95]

I go from meh to depressed.

This I know too well. I can only sympathize. Have you tried mood stabilizers? If so, did they help?