Now it's been 3 months since I lost all hope of ever stop being miserable. During this time I made the plans to kill myself with SN, but got caught by my parents. Since october I've been under an intense suicide watch.
But the scary part of all that is that my parents' strategy is working. In portuguese, we have a saying that goes "me vencer pelo cansaço", something like "winning by wearing somebody down". The months are passing and I'm becoming used to this hellish life where I don't see any chance of happiness. Seasons will go by and I will be this sad, depressed, lifeless zombie that lost EVERYTHING. It won't matter to my parents as I will still be alive (and they're the kind of people that believe god will do something when we least expect it, so their faith will keep me alive).
But the scary part of all that is that my parents' strategy is working. In portuguese, we have a saying that goes "me vencer pelo cansaço", something like "winning by wearing somebody down". The months are passing and I'm becoming used to this hellish life where I don't see any chance of happiness. Seasons will go by and I will be this sad, depressed, lifeless zombie that lost EVERYTHING. It won't matter to my parents as I will still be alive (and they're the kind of people that believe god will do something when we least expect it, so their faith will keep me alive).
