Venting Help me: losing the strength

[whybother2002]

Now it's been 3 months since I lost all hope of ever stop being miserable. During this time I made the plans to kill myself with SN, but got caught by my parents. Since october I've been under an intense suicide watch.

But the scary part of all that is that my parents' strategy is working. In portuguese, we have a saying that goes "me vencer pelo cansaço", something like "winning by wearing somebody down". The months are passing and I'm becoming used to this hellish life where I don't see any chance of happiness. Seasons will go by and I will be this sad, depressed, lifeless zombie that lost EVERYTHING. It won't matter to my parents as I will still be alive (and they're the kind of people that believe god will do something when we least expect it, so their faith will keep me alive).

 

[Dr.Duck]

That's tuff. That saying makes sense but doesn't sound happy. The watch must really be hell, hope that it's over soon. To be able to find a time where you can die, without being stopped.

 

[TheMadmanJL]

Go buy your self some kickass drugs, a bottle of vodka, and a toothless hooker! It won't solve your problems or anything, but it'll make you feel good at the time.

 

[glided~hydrangea]

Now it's been 3 months since I lost all hope of ever stop being miserable. During this time I made the plans to kill myself with SN, but got caught by my parents. Since october I've been under an intense suicide watch.

But the scary part of all that is that my parents' strategy is working. In portuguese, we have a saying that goes "me vencer pelo cansaço", something like "winning by wearing somebody down". The months are passing and I'm becoming used to this hellish life where I don't see any chance of happiness. Seasons will go by and I will be this sad, depressed, lifeless zombie that lost EVERYTHING. It won't matter to my parents as I will still be alive (and they're the kind of people that believe god will do something when we least expect it, so their faith will keep me alive).

Dude that's honestly such a terrible situation to be in. I'm really sorry you have to experience all of that. I know how difficult and frankly dehumanizing being on suicide watch can be. I had to go through the same thing after admitting something to one of my professors at uni, and it was truly a form of slow torture. It's like you can never have privacy, peace, or any semblance of a normal life ever again. These are the kinds of things that really stick with you. Or at least, they have with me. I'm wishing you the very best brother, I hope you're able to find some peace, no matter the timeframe of the rest of your living.