(help) i don’t know what to do

[3FailedAttemptss]

Im in the ward, I have SN and I'm feeling very ambivalent… I had a little meditation and tried thinking of pros and cons

For me CTBing

1. My negative schizophrenia symptoms make day to day life unbearable
2. it's something i've been working towards for a long time
3. i believe it makes sense for me
4. my life isn't worth living
5. i get to be a suicider ^^
6. my bf doesn't reply to my texts

Against me CTBing

1. I have a boyfriend who loves me and I would literally be killing his girlfriend
2. suicide is scary
3. idk

honestly the main thing on my mind and what would probably save me tonight is if my boyfriend just fucking called me— i just want to hear his voice. Like hello? your suicidal gf is in the motherfucking psych ward again??? ahhh i just want his attention, he's the only person i have in my life. He's already visited me once but like i've literally asked him to call me twice now and i don't wanna have to ask for a third time— i'm too awkward.

i feel mentally unstable…

 

[Maki9]

negative schizophrenia symptoms

Can you elaborate?

 

[SASU-KE]

Please give him time and wait for a few days.Talk to him, find out where his head's at. Sorry you're in the ward right now. I hope you can leave soon and things get better.

 

[Kayla]

1. i get to be a suicider ^^

wtf?

 

[volo]

Do you have any sn left at home for after you get out of the ward? Because if you do it rn you will get saved.

 

[enjoytheride]

I am sorry you are going through this terrible pain. One of the truths of this world, long ago put beautifully by Heraclitus, is that the only constant in this world is change.

Sometimes holding on, waiting for the storm to pass, no matter how long it takes or how loud the thunders are, is the most sensible, the most self-compassionate and the most kind to our loved ones option. Give yourself a chance.

 

[endboss]

Im in the ward, I have SN and I'm feeling very ambivalent… I had a little meditation and tried thinking of pros and cons

For me CTBing

1. My negative schizophrenia symptoms make day to day life unbearable
2. it's something i've been working towards for a long time
3. i believe it makes sense for me
4. my life isn't worth living
5. i get to be a suicider ^^
6. my bf doesn't reply to my texts

Against me CTBing

1. I have a boyfriend who loves me and I would literally be killing his girlfriend
2. suicide is scary
3. idk

honestly the main thing on my mind and what would probably save me tonight is if my boyfriend just fucking called me— i just want to hear his voice. Like hello? your suicidal gf is in the motherfucking psych ward again??? ahhh i just want his attention, he's the only person i have in my life. He's already visited me once but like i've literally asked him to call me twice now and i don't wanna have to ask for a third time— i'm too awkward.

i feel mentally unstable…

I'm also dealing with negative symptoms. Nothing is fun. No motivation for anything. Unsocial and withdrawn...

 

[ilovenewyork]

Your bf has probably been told not to call by the staff so you have some calm to recover.
How did you get SN in there? I would flush that

 

[3FailedAttemptss]

Can you elaborate?

My primary and most debilitating negative symptom is anhedonia…

But I also deal with avolition and flattened affect among others.

Do you have any sn left at home for after you get out of the ward? Because if you do it rn you will get saved.

No i brought my only SN with me >w<

Please give him time and wait for a few days.Talk to him, find out where his head's at. Sorry you're in the ward right now. I hope you can leave soon and things get better.

He's just on discord chatting w/ his friends, idk he's just living his life and i'm just here… in the ward…

i just want his attention and it's literally killing me

 

[volo]

No i brought my only SN with

Then save it for later

 

[3FailedAttemptss]

Then save it for later

I don't think I'll be saved though, staff checks are pretty infrequent

 

[3FailedAttemptss]

I texted my boyfriend that I love him and he replied immediately saying he loves me too.

idk if that's enough to keep me going, but maybe I won't kill myself tonight…

i still really don't know what to do, i've been fasting for the SN to work