Hello! New member here, I hope I can use this site to make a good recovery!

[Minas]

First of all, I guess i'll have to share some of my backstory. I hope it's relatable enough for the struggling folks around here.

My mother. That's my whole backstory. She said she didn't want me, That i will be nothing without her, That i'm making her suffer. Yada Yada Yada, You know how it is.

The problem is that i believe every single word she said to me. I want to free myself from her, yes, But that doesn't means i love myself. Maybe that just means i'll keep getting hurt anyway, But if i'm free from her, I'll be more in control of it.

You can say that she inspired me. It hurted a lot, So i began to think: "Surely i must have done something terrible to deserve all of that". And then it hit me. If she didn't want me, and i'm making her suffer like she tells me i am... Then maybe my birth is that "something terrible".

If i am unwanted, a dirty thing that shouldn't even be alive to begin with... Maybe i can fix that if i kill myself. I was born full of sin by being unwanted, And sinned even more by making her suffer, So it's only natural i should feel pain and fix my cursed birth... By killing myself.

Thats half the grasp of it i guess, Some of my main reasons for wanting to commit die. I am truly hoping i will be getting a self fulfilling, religious experience out of hurting myself and ruining my life, And die full of happiness with a smile after fulfilling my purpose: Fixing my own birth and paying for it.

Is my case too unusual? I really hope people don't think I'm joking or making that up for attention or something. It just... The "me" that my mom hated, That, in her mind, deserved everything she did, Feels like the real me, and i'm just following that.

 

[sugarh1gh]

Hi! Welcome to the forum.

There is another section of this forum specifically dedicated for recovery. You might want to post there to get help.
This side of the forum is more for suicidal people venting and getting information.

Yet, I am so sorry your mom said that to you. I assume you didn't ask to be born either. That's really not nice to say as it was her responsibility.

 

[Minas]

Hi! Welcome to the forum.

There is another section of this forum specifically dedicated for recovery. You might want to post there to get help.
This side of the forum is more for suicidal people venting and getting information.

Yet, I am so sorry your mom said that to you. I assume you didn't ask to be born either. That's really not nice to say as it was her responsibility.

I'll do that, thanks a lot

 

[UKscotty]

I'd check out the recovery section if you are looking to get better.

Good luck, always great to see people recover from suicidal thoughts.

 

[jajajamielee]

First of all, I guess i'll have to share some of my backstory. I hope it's relatable enough for the struggling folks around here.

My mother. That's my whole backstory. She said she didn't want me, That i will be nothing without her, That i'm making her suffer. Yada Yada Yada, You know how it is.

The problem is that i believe every single word she said to me. I want to free myself from her, yes, But that doesn't means i love myself. Maybe that just means i'll keep getting hurt anyway, But if i'm free from her, I'll be more in control of it.

You can say that she inspired me. It hurted a lot, So i began to think: "Surely i must have done something terrible to deserve all of that". And then it hit me. If she didn't want me, and i'm making her suffer like she tells me i am... Then maybe my birth is that "something terrible".

If i am unwanted, a dirty thing that shouldn't even be alive to begin with... Maybe i can fix that if i kill myself. I was born full of sin by being unwanted, And sinned even more by making her suffer, So it's only natural i should feel pain and fix my cursed birth... By killing myself.

Thats half the grasp of it i guess, Some of my main reasons for wanting to commit die. I am truly hoping i will be getting a self fulfilling, religious experience out of hurting myself and ruining my life, And die full of happiness with a smile after fulfilling my purpose: Fixing my own birth and paying for it.

Is my case too unusual? I really hope people don't think I'm joking or making that up for attention or something. It just... The "me" that my mom hated, That, in her mind, deserved everything she did, Feels like the real me, and i'm just following that.

I suggest you steer clear of this section of the forum and also I don't recommend visiting the doomer chat unless you simply want to go for a deeper conversation or something, idrk what they talk about there, but if you're looking for recovery resources the suicide discussion area of the forum isn't really for you. Best wishes on your road to recovery.