Venting Hell? What hell? We are in it.

[Louise]

I

Ok, i don't think you should put all your hopes in getting N. and think it is the answer to all your problems. There are quite a few people who have obtained N., to only hold onto it and not drink it. They get a change of hearts when they finally have N. in their hands.

I have had N in the past so I know this to be true. My SI is alive and kicking.

I certainly concur with the idea that this life is the true hell. Wanting to ctb takes it to another level, as OP said, it's limbo. I feel like a ghost, most of me has already passed and just the body and the brain's instincts survive. It's also intrinsically a very lonely place to be.

 

[OkTotti]

I

I have had N in the past so I know this to be true. My SI is alive and kicking.

I certainly concur with the idea that this life is the true hell. Wanting to ctb takes it to another level, as OP said, it's limbo. I feel like a ghost, most of me has already passed and just the body and the brain's instincts survive. It's also intrinsically a very lonely place to be.

thanks for sharing .. how did you you get your N.? And do you still have it hidden somewhere for possible later use? or did you throw it out? it sounds like you did.... and did you happen to taste it?

 

[deathbycakes]

yeah. this world sure feels like hell for me. maybe not for everyone but there's not one time when i don't wish that i'm dead instead. i guess i'm fear of living but still have to bear with it for idk how long, hopefully not long enough

 

[Christina]

This must be the worst place in the universe being stuck in limbo. Some of us, like me lack a reliable method. There are others who feel guilty and/or are held back by survival instinct. Whatever the reasons that we are here, the pain is just unbearable. It's unrelenting and gut wrenching. Yes, this is HELL. I am sure of it and I can't take another second of it. Please grant all of us here peace in death.

Sorry for the ranting, I am just so frustrated and exhausted.

I couldn't agree more , this world is a living hell.The fact I cant even find a reliable method to end it once and for all makes me feel so trapped. Its like a game that I cant get out of.

 

[Louise]

thanks for sharing .. how did you you get your N.? And do you still have it hidden somewhere for possible later use? or did you throw it out? it sounds like you did.... and did you happen to taste it?

You're not gonna believe this, but... I actually had N in my hands not once but three times. Twice was powder from J in China when he was still in business. Once was three bottles from A. I was so far gone and insane in my mental health that I used it all to numb myself and knock myself out.

And yup I tasted it many many times. It's rank, but doable. I'd just take a teaspoonful of the liquid or pack the powder into an empty capsule. I found the best type of chocolate to take after is a truffle as it's soft, melts quickly and coats the palette and tongue. Works like a dream.

I wasted my three chances, I particularly regret the loss of the powder. Now I just don't know. Any other method is second best...

 

[MsM3talGamer]

I feel like I'm living in the devil's asshole.

 

[Djinn]

I couldn't agree more , this world is a living hell.The fact I cant even find a reliable method to end it once and for all makes me feel so trapped. Its like a game that I cant get out of.

I feel the same way but somehow also take comfort in the fact we can exit at all. It's a mess alright... 100%