Discussion Health anxiety + suicidal ideation?

[Quitter]

So I've been thinking about how ironic it is that I freak out and run to a doctor over some rash, but at the same time I'm planning my own death.

What even is the logic behind this? I guess I don't want to die if it's not my own decision, but... why?? Is it just because my life is a clusterfuck, so I want to be able to control at least some part of it?

Anyone else having this?

 

[mnjkl]

Nope, I haven't been to a doctor in many years and whenever I have some new pain I just think "it's probably cancer... oh well." I find it comforting to know that I'll never have to go through some horrible illness like so many other people do, because I'll simply opt-out.

 

[scorpiooo2]

It's always been that way for me.

I still to this day think that a scratch getting infected and possibly killing me is terrifying however I'm over here planning my own suicide.

It's crazy to me.

 

[Quitter]

Nope, I haven't been to a doctor in many years and whenever I have some new pain I just think "it's probably cancer... oh well." I find it comforting to know that I'll never have to go through some horrible illness like so many other people do, because I'll simply opt-out.

I envy you in a way, I wish I could feel as relaxed/rational(?) about it.

It's always been that way for me.

I still to this day think that a scratch getting infected and possibly killing me is terrifying however I'm over here planning my own suicide.

It's crazy to me.

Yes, exactly! Are you me? lol

 

[Bathsheba]

So I've been thinking about how ironic it is that I freak out and run to a doctor over some rash, but at the same time I'm planning my own death.

What even is the logic behind this? I guess I don't want to die if it's not my own decision, but... why?? Is it just because my life is a clusterfuck, so I want to be able to control at least some part of it?

Anyone else having this?

Yes this is exactly me. I was diagnosed with health anxiety maybe 4 years ago. I'd ruined my life worrying about cancer and AIDS for 20 years before that. I was always terrified of dying but since I've been definite in my plan to ctb I know I'll control death, it won't control me. That is so much less scary to me. I don't want to fade away old and sick.

 

[selfhater]

i didn't get diagnose cuz i never went to doctors nor therapy and i'm so confused how i panic over my symptoms when i plan to end myself like?