Having problems

[platypusfan]

I am so sick of other people. I am also sick of myself. I am extremely disgusted with myself actually.. and the fact that I feel the way I do. I have lost what it means to be a human and I feel like I should die for that. I originally have it planned to wait 2 years to see if anything at all could improve.. but I want to move my ctb date up so bad. I am going to university but things are getting bad again I am scared of doing bad in school because then I will be even more worthless. I still don't have a specific method I think making one might relieve me just to know I have a backup plan. I am thinking about using a gun because of ease of access but I don't want my family to see me like that.. Also I have a few things holding me back.. I don't want to die without good memories. I just want to enjoy things, and I mean truly enjoy things one last time, or maybe even feel love if I'm lucky, but I can't with this anhedonia. Also I feel too young and I am too close with my family to suddenly die but it just seems pointless for me to live. I don't know what to do.

 

[dialogos]

I am so sick of other people. I am also sick of myself. I am extremely disgusted with myself actually.. and the fact that I feel the way I do. I have lost what it means to be a human and I feel like I should die for that. I originally have it planned to wait 2 years to see if anything at all could improve.. but I want to move my ctb date up so bad. I am going to university but things are getting bad again I am scared of doing bad in school because then I will be even more worthless. I still don't have a specific method I think making one might relieve me just to know I have a backup plan. I am thinking about using a gun because of ease of access but I don't want my family to see me like that.. Also I have a few things holding me back.. I don't want to die without good memories. I just want to enjoy things, and I mean truly enjoy things one last time, or maybe even feel love if I'm lucky, but I can't withsymhedonia. Also I feel too young and I am too close with my family to suddenly die but it just seems pointless for me to live. I don't know what to do.

May I ask if you're getting medication for anhedonia? Sometimes there is a physical reason for depression like example low levels of thyroid hormones. When I was given amlodipine for hypertension, it gave me depression and anhedonia like symptoms. If you're taking meds you have to tell your doc you're having side effects and meds might need changing. Changed my med to old fashioned irbesartan and I got so much better. Please don't give up yet.

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be tiring and dreadful having to suffer like that, existence really is too cruel. But anyway best wishes.

 

[platypusfan]

May I ask if you're getting medication for anhedonia? Sometimes there is a physical reason for depression like example low levels of thyroid hormones. When I was given amlodipine for hypertension, it gave me depression and anhedonia like symptoms. If you're taking meds you have to tell your doc you're having side effects and meds might need changing. Changed my med to old fashioned irbesartan and I got so much better. Please don't give up yet.

I am not currently using any medication, all I've been prescribed before is lexapro but I never really took it seriously because psychiatrists don't stay with me and then it's hard to get back in for an appointment. I am waiting to get a new one when I can change my insurance. But I did get some blood tests before and most of my stuff was fine but maybe I'll ask for a more in-depth one. Thank you for your kindness and im glad you could feel better.