I am currently filing a complaint against my former therapist. I think my complaint is pretty good. I worked my ass off. But I went through hell. I am woring on it since last October. Over Christmas I had a one month hiatus.
I am calling patient counsellors all the fucking time. It summed it up in this post.
"So I try to make my documentation more compact, shorter and more acccessible for readers.
For clarifying the last preparations for the complaint I had to call the chamber of therapists. I called there a couple of times already. The first time I called there I got a pretty good feeling. I always talked to the same person. The second time I called there the patient counsellor acted like a total dick. I became emotional and maybe this was a car wreck conversation. I felt ashamed afterwards. It was really really not good. I waited one month hoping he might forgotten me. And I waited for the feedback of that other woman. I called the chamber of therapist/the patient counsellor again today. I think he could remember me and he acted pretty much like a dick again. But today I was emotionally prepared for that. I stayed calm and got the final information in order to report her. He even tried to provoke me with something like "oh what your therapist really so evil that you had to hand in 12 file folders for your complaint? How was it possible she was actually this evil please explain this to me".
I didn't let him bait me. He wanted me to become emotional which is highly unprofessional. Though, my emotional outbreak the last time we called wasn't good either I have to admit that. But as I said I stayed friendly and calm today. I told him that I have evidence for all complaints in a written form because I knew testimony against testimony usually doesn't lead to anything in front of a court.
The feedback of the woman from that ethics organization was actually helpful. There was something I got wrong. And she corrected me on that. I think I won't make fundamental changes on all the documentation though. I think it is fine.
I think I realized not everything is hingig on this. I hope at least. Though, in order to move on reporting her is absolutely the right thing to do. Especially, if I put so much effort in all of that. Another friendly patient counsellor told in order to move on it is probably very important to me. And for the off-chance a request on a social program will be rejected because of her lies I will always feel remorse for not reporting her. And by reporting her they will also add my perspective on her lies about me and my therapy motivation.
I feel horrible for the crash out call the of the prior conversation from middle December. I was very explicit how much I struggle, that I deal with suicidality and fear of poverty. And that the lies in my medical records are pretty scary to me. I think it came across like I wanted to use my story to get him on my side. Though, actually I thought he is just a patient's counsellor for the chamber and not the one who decides about the case. And from what I have read online he probably doesn't have a big impact on the result of the case. I think this dude considers me a horrible human being for using my story in such a shameless way. But at the second call he got me when my defense was down. It triggered me a lot what he said about my therapist. And for some minutes my self-awareness was gone. But I also thought the things I say to him are kept confidential because they said its anonymous. And I took that as a fact. Though, it seems like the chamber is that small that it actually isn't anonymous. My fault. I think he considers me a horrible person maybe someone who uses his story to manipulate other people and force them to have compassion. Though, in the end the phone call rather damaged me. Usually, I am very good at impulse control but that evening was such a crash out. I also worked on the case from end October till middle of December, took several time benzos, was on sleeping pills, was attacked in my college self-help group and had to defend me. There was also this evening with the autistic woman and her sociopathic friend. Maybe all of that are lame excuses. But I have the feeling I should not be too hard on myself. Because actually I didn't try to manipulate me. I was just too unfiltered in an unstrategical way. I haven't opened up to on here so explicitly because I feel so ashamed about it.
I think though the case I make against my therapist is pretty good. I have a lot of evidence in a written form. And the most important thing is that my correction finds its way into my medical records and I assume this is going to happen most likely. At least I hope so. I think my case would not have to be super strong to achieve that. Though, 95% of my claims have sources Though, formal mistakes can happen and the woman from the ethics organization said if I hand in too many documents they might dismiss my case."
I torture myself over this. I cannot make it undone. This case is very important for me. I felt so ashamed that I didn't open up about this incident on here. Rationally, I think my written complaint is way more important than a phone call without mentioning my name. I am a person that is obsessed how other people perceive me. Whether I am a good person. And I sometimes I have the feeling my life hinges on this case. I pressured myself so fucking much. The inner tension is very hard to cope with. Maybe the withdrawal of benzos made me more vulnerable. But I can only move on if I hand it in. I hope my psychiatrist won't be out for revenge. My therapist called her to get her on her side. Which is sort unlawful because there is professional secrecy.
I literally never crash out publicly. I know autists can have breakdowns when they are overstimulated. The only person I turn this to is myself usually. There were arguments in the past where I was really angry on my mom for abusing me as a child. But since her strokes I never allow that again. My outbursts are usually my vents on Sanctioned Suicide. I feel pretty embarrassed for acting in such an unprofessional way in this phone call.
I hate the notion of taking drugs for many reasons. I never intentionally drunk alcohol because the notion of losing control feels so scary to me. I am proud of my impulse control. And maybe because of that I am very disappointed from myself if I don't abide by these standards. I think being a never drugs person was pretty smart in my case. Later I developed psychosis. And if I took drugs, I would have thought that I done this torture to myself. And self-loath me in unimaginable ways for it. Nowadays, I have doubts on free will though. But there was this good looking autistic woman who was interested in me (she is probably in an open relationship) but she is high on drugs all the time. And in some way she even hinted I might should take some. Which would be insane if someone has a predisposition for psychosis. This would be literally suicide. But with surviving. I hate the notion of regretting things which were done on substances. I am a person who deals a lot with regretts. But the rule never be close to drug addicted people saved me a lot of troubles.
I am calling patient counsellors all the fucking time. It summed it up in this post.
"So I try to make my documentation more compact, shorter and more acccessible for readers.
For clarifying the last preparations for the complaint I had to call the chamber of therapists. I called there a couple of times already. The first time I called there I got a pretty good feeling. I always talked to the same person. The second time I called there the patient counsellor acted like a total dick. I became emotional and maybe this was a car wreck conversation. I felt ashamed afterwards. It was really really not good. I waited one month hoping he might forgotten me. And I waited for the feedback of that other woman. I called the chamber of therapist/the patient counsellor again today. I think he could remember me and he acted pretty much like a dick again. But today I was emotionally prepared for that. I stayed calm and got the final information in order to report her. He even tried to provoke me with something like "oh what your therapist really so evil that you had to hand in 12 file folders for your complaint? How was it possible she was actually this evil please explain this to me".
I didn't let him bait me. He wanted me to become emotional which is highly unprofessional. Though, my emotional outbreak the last time we called wasn't good either I have to admit that. But as I said I stayed friendly and calm today. I told him that I have evidence for all complaints in a written form because I knew testimony against testimony usually doesn't lead to anything in front of a court.
The feedback of the woman from that ethics organization was actually helpful. There was something I got wrong. And she corrected me on that. I think I won't make fundamental changes on all the documentation though. I think it is fine.
I think I realized not everything is hingig on this. I hope at least. Though, in order to move on reporting her is absolutely the right thing to do. Especially, if I put so much effort in all of that. Another friendly patient counsellor told in order to move on it is probably very important to me. And for the off-chance a request on a social program will be rejected because of her lies I will always feel remorse for not reporting her. And by reporting her they will also add my perspective on her lies about me and my therapy motivation.
I feel horrible for the crash out call the of the prior conversation from middle December. I was very explicit how much I struggle, that I deal with suicidality and fear of poverty. And that the lies in my medical records are pretty scary to me. I think it came across like I wanted to use my story to get him on my side. Though, actually I thought he is just a patient's counsellor for the chamber and not the one who decides about the case. And from what I have read online he probably doesn't have a big impact on the result of the case. I think this dude considers me a horrible human being for using my story in such a shameless way. But at the second call he got me when my defense was down. It triggered me a lot what he said about my therapist. And for some minutes my self-awareness was gone. But I also thought the things I say to him are kept confidential because they said its anonymous. And I took that as a fact. Though, it seems like the chamber is that small that it actually isn't anonymous. My fault. I think he considers me a horrible person maybe someone who uses his story to manipulate other people and force them to have compassion. Though, in the end the phone call rather damaged me. Usually, I am very good at impulse control but that evening was such a crash out. I also worked on the case from end October till middle of December, took several time benzos, was on sleeping pills, was attacked in my college self-help group and had to defend me. There was also this evening with the autistic woman and her sociopathic friend. Maybe all of that are lame excuses. But I have the feeling I should not be too hard on myself. Because actually I didn't try to manipulate me. I was just too unfiltered in an unstrategical way. I haven't opened up to on here so explicitly because I feel so ashamed about it.
I think though the case I make against my therapist is pretty good. I have a lot of evidence in a written form. And the most important thing is that my correction finds its way into my medical records and I assume this is going to happen most likely. At least I hope so. I think my case would not have to be super strong to achieve that. Though, 95% of my claims have sources Though, formal mistakes can happen and the woman from the ethics organization said if I hand in too many documents they might dismiss my case."
I torture myself over this. I cannot make it undone. This case is very important for me. I felt so ashamed that I didn't open up about this incident on here. Rationally, I think my written complaint is way more important than a phone call without mentioning my name. I am a person that is obsessed how other people perceive me. Whether I am a good person. And I sometimes I have the feeling my life hinges on this case. I pressured myself so fucking much. The inner tension is very hard to cope with. Maybe the withdrawal of benzos made me more vulnerable. But I can only move on if I hand it in. I hope my psychiatrist won't be out for revenge. My therapist called her to get her on her side. Which is sort unlawful because there is professional secrecy.
I literally never crash out publicly. I know autists can have breakdowns when they are overstimulated. The only person I turn this to is myself usually. There were arguments in the past where I was really angry on my mom for abusing me as a child. But since her strokes I never allow that again. My outbursts are usually my vents on Sanctioned Suicide. I feel pretty embarrassed for acting in such an unprofessional way in this phone call.
I hate the notion of taking drugs for many reasons. I never intentionally drunk alcohol because the notion of losing control feels so scary to me. I am proud of my impulse control. And maybe because of that I am very disappointed from myself if I don't abide by these standards. I think being a never drugs person was pretty smart in my case. Later I developed psychosis. And if I took drugs, I would have thought that I done this torture to myself. And self-loath me in unimaginable ways for it. Nowadays, I have doubts on free will though. But there was this good looking autistic woman who was interested in me (she is probably in an open relationship) but she is high on drugs all the time. And in some way she even hinted I might should take some. Which would be insane if someone has a predisposition for psychosis. This would be literally suicide. But with surviving. I hate the notion of regretting things which were done on substances. I am a person who deals a lot with regretts. But the rule never be close to drug addicted people saved me a lot of troubles.
Last edited:
