Have you ever considered murder?

[yellowjester]

Yes.

Very ominous.

 

[CogitoMori]

Yes. It wasn't out of anger or directed at anyone specific. I felt nothing emotionally and just wanted to hurt random people around me. After I had those thoughts was my first attempt to ctb.

 

[Fall Leaf]

I had thoughts about it while I wasn't taking my meds but I never intended to do it.
I had some kinds of thoughts about me having to kill people because if not bad things are going to happen but my rational self never agreed with those thoughts because there's many logical reason why I shouldn't harm other people.
Dou to my therapist it's related to my OCD. I have these thoughts when I feel really helpless and don't want to exist, the only one I'm hurting is myself and I feel really guilty about those thoughts later :/

 

[nux_walpurgis]

I feel like I am going to judged for this but yess. oh well

My parents invoke a biblical anger in me sometimes and that, on top of all the trauma they have inflicted on me since I was an infant, makes me something fantasize about murdering them. Not unprovoked, like when they sleep, but during one of our fights, I imagine taking a knife and throw it at them or stabbing them or something. So in their final moments they get to see what kind of monster they've turned me into.

I don't think I would ever get through with it lol

 

[theater]

Not at all. I know anyone can commit murder. I believe murder is evil (I am not talking about outliers like someone who wants to live is only allowed to live if they murder someone else).

Murder is like hatred in my world view. I don't hate anyone except myself. So I do want to kill myself.

 

[boxingbeagle]

I always said that I will have no shame in going to jail or ctb after I take out a child abuser/rapist… if they don't limits on who they abuse, I don't have limits on how I take care of them.

 

[ForgottenAgain]

When I was being bullied at school, I fantasized about killing the kids that hurt me. For several years men would insult me or say nasty things to me when I was just walking down the street. I would fantasize about killing them in several different ways. However, I knew I would never be able to actually do it, I was just feeling immense anger and would always direct that anger towards myself by cutting.

There were two times when I was violent. One when my father made me lose my calm and I threw a glass against a window. And another when my toxic ex pushed me too far and I threw my glasses on the ground.
I think I'd need to be pushed close to insanity to hurt another human. I don't think even insanity could make me hurt an animal. I'd never hurt an animal, ever.

 

[Caffeineaddiction]

I have, but for me it's not a vengeance or ill willed thing. Pure curiosity. The reason I never killed anyone is because I don't want to hurt anyone. But I would love to experiment on the human body. Find out it's capabilities and limits. And obviously I am also intrigued by the implications of murder. What would happen if I kill someone? Do they die differently than someone who just dies? Can I see the exact moment of death? Can I see the sparkle leave their eyey? How would people feel about it, if I murdered someone? Would they be sad that they died? Would they be happy that I killed them? How many different ways are there to kill someone? How creative can I get? At what point does it become inhumane? Is there a soul? Are they going to haunt me? Naturally I have many more questions but these are some examples. I also sometimes just see someone and imagine violently murdering them. For absolutely no reason. He hasn't done anything, and I don't hate him. I just like to play with the idea. Funnily enough, if I do dislike someone I don't want to kill them. I want them to suffer without anyone noticing, so they go insane in their own little bubble. They don't deserve death. They don't deserve that I murder them. But I'm not going to murder anyone because in my opinion it is not my place to decide who gets to live or die. I would murder in self defense, to protect me or what's mine. The bible allows it that way.

 

[Deleted member 94706]

only if someone pisses me off

 

[dragonofenvy]

Had an absolutely horrible relationship with my mother, and at age 13 or 14 I think, came extremely close to doing so.

For context - this horrible relationship involved her almost choking me to death on two occasions, the last one I remember was when I was 11 because I didn't like how loud she was eating and she exploded at me for it. I tried locking myself in the bathroom but she threatened that if I didn't come out that I was going to be in even more trouble, which of course 11 year old me didn't want so I relented. The only reason I didn't die there was because my dad stopped her. There was other stuff too but I don't feel like talking about. That's how bad she was and what I was dealing with since birth.

So you could give moral arguments about how it was wrong for me to feel these things, but whether it was right or wrong, I think it was natural to feel them after such treatment.

 

[BecomingTired]

I've thought of it in moments of extreme depression when I was like 13-15 but it was more of teenage angst I think more than anything, never truly had a serious thought on it; I'm just a bit tired of life in general, and killing everyone who "wronged" me would only make me feel even worse.

I guess I don't truly hate any of them to that degree, just myself.

 

[Privateer2368]

If I thought I could get away with it I'd start working my way down my list with great enthusiasm.

I don't see killing those people as immoral, but it is illegal and that means consequences I'd rather avoid.

 

[Epilogue]

I won't lie, I have a fascination with murder and crimes and stuff like that. Realistically, unless said person was me or someone who really deserved it like a r*pist or something like that, no murder from me.

 

[Wezzy777]

Definitely.

I considered murder slot specifically when I was living with my family. Things were bad and I just wanted everyone around me to hurt. I didn't like the idea that I could be dead and the people who hurt me could still be happy. I had multiple plans I would write down frequently, repeating different scenarios in my head. Whenever someone would inconvenience my life I wished I could just kill them, but those thoughts we're more of a spur-in-the-moment those of thing. I never felt bad about it. I still don't now. The only thing that used to stop me then was the fact that I didn't want to end up in hell.

After I moved out those thoughts sort of went away. They come back more frequently when I'm with my family. If I wasn't in a fortunate situation to move out I definitely would've killed someone. I guess the only thing stopping me now is me not wanting to go to prison. But I guess with Enough planning you could get away with any crime. So I guess what's *really* stopping Me is the fact that I haven't came up with a fool proof plan.

 

[deleted]

yes, I think about it every day when I go to work.

 

[The_Hunter]

When I was younger, around 8 to 10 years old. I used to fantasize about murdering my father in his sleep, and even brought it up to my mother as a casual question. It has been quite awhile since my Father has died of natural causes, and time seems to be heavy yet weightless. I do not consciously remind myself that he is dead; rather, he is just gone for the moment. I had no idea how it could be seen as anything other than right. I frequently have moments where I recall the past, and once again fantasizing about murdering my father. One of my biggest regrets was not taking that chance to - and it seems to be plaguing my mind in the present.

Damn, it's wrong to know you were abused to that degree, abjected to that level.

You might've been jailed if you did so, though.

I hope you are able to heal from the trauma he caused you. You deserved better.

 

[greebo6]

Know a few people who I hate so much that their death would definitely make me smile/happy....but kill them myself in cold blood....probably couldn't do it.

 

[Ariii]

Not seriously, though I have fantasized about it for the purpose of wondering how I would handle about it emotionally

 

[Greyhawk]

I watched a lot of crime documentaries mostly about serial killers as a child and was shocked by how evil some people can be. I have seriously considered about killing some child molester or murderer before taking my own life. I feel like that would be some kind of redeeming act. The only reason I'm not going to do it is because murder-suicide would be incredibly shocking to my family and cause unwanted media attention/harassment. And also the slight chance of the victim being innocent.

 

[Opera]

I have, mostly out of anger but I also get them aside from that. I'm trying to just direct those feelings for myself since I don't actually want to do that.

 

[Winterreise]

There are people who don't deserve to live.

 

[deikol]

Me never I am just here to judge people if people are honest and open about it.

Serious answer. I never really considered murder. There was the short thought of revenge to my family. But it was more like they should kill themselves out of guilt when I ctb. But I think this thought was rather immature. I don't want that anymore. Not at all.

I am scared to fuck up suicide. Murder seems to be similar difficult. And in contrast to suicide most people want to avoid getting caught. Prison sounds scary. I think it would be a different layer of torture for me. And the guilt and ethical issues it would eat me alive.

Yes, I think about it all the time. Sometimes its petty but most of the time its for someone who really deserves it. Its kinda fun trying to imagine how I could get away with their murders. I find that its close to impossible to get away with these days.

 

[ThisIsMe1357]

Absolutely never.

Everybody has a right to take their and only their own life...and no one else's.

 

[HereIGoAgain24]

Not really- mainly because I've never personally dealt with anyone who I believe needs to die.
However, I HAVE had more than a few murder fantasies for the businessmen and politicians destroying our world. I'm never going to try it, but give me a working Death Note... and a lot of the people whose names fill the BBC/CNN/Fox/MSNBC headlines are bye-bye.

 

[Forveleth]

ngl, I briefly thought about trying to off my abusive partner but to what end? I would constantly live in anxiety knowing I could get caught for it at any moment. I constantly live in anxiety now, so that option would really not change my life at all.

Killing myself is much easier honestly, both in terms of pure logistics and consequences.