Have you ever considered murder?

[yellowjester]

Yes.

Very ominous.

 

[CogitoMori]

Yes. It wasn't out of anger or directed at anyone specific. I felt nothing emotionally and just wanted to hurt random people around me. After I had those thoughts was my first attempt to ctb.

 

[Fall Leaf]

I had thoughts about it while I wasn't taking my meds but I never intended to do it.
I had some kinds of thoughts about me having to kill people because if not bad things are going to happen but my rational self never agreed with those thoughts because there's many logical reason why I shouldn't harm other people.
Dou to my therapist it's related to my OCD. I have these thoughts when I feel really helpless and don't want to exist, the only one I'm hurting is myself and I feel really guilty about those thoughts later :/

 

[nux_walpurgis]

I feel like I am going to judged for this but yess. oh well

My parents invoke a biblical anger in me sometimes and that, on top of all the trauma they have inflicted on me since I was an infant, makes me something fantasize about murdering them. Not unprovoked, like when they sleep, but during one of our fights, I imagine taking a knife and throw it at them or stabbing them or something. So in their final moments they get to see what kind of monster they've turned me into.

I don't think I would ever get through with it lol

 

[theater]

Not at all. I know anyone can commit murder. I believe murder is evil (I am not talking about outliers like someone who wants to live is only allowed to live if they murder someone else).

Murder is like hatred in my world view. I don't hate anyone except myself. So I do want to kill myself.

 

[boxingbeagle]

I always said that I will have no shame in going to jail or ctb after I take out a child abuser/rapist… if they don't limits on who they abuse, I don't have limits on how I take care of them.

 

[ForgottenAgain]

When I was being bullied at school, I fantasized about killing the kids that hurt me. For several years men would insult me or say nasty things to me when I was just walking down the street. I would fantasize about killing them in several different ways. However, I knew I would never be able to actually do it, I was just feeling immense anger and would always direct that anger towards myself by cutting.

There were two times when I was violent. One when my father made me lose my calm and I threw a glass against a window. And another when my toxic ex pushed me too far and I threw my glasses on the ground.
I think I'd need to be pushed close to insanity to hurt another human. I don't think even insanity could make me hurt an animal. I'd never hurt an animal, ever.

 

[Caffeineaddiction]

I have, but for me it's not a vengeance or ill willed thing. Pure curiosity. The reason I never killed anyone is because I don't want to hurt anyone. But I would love to experiment on the human body. Find out it's capabilities and limits. And obviously I am also intrigued by the implications of murder. What would happen if I kill someone? Do they die differently than someone who just dies? Can I see the exact moment of death? Can I see the sparkle leave their eyey? How would people feel about it, if I murdered someone? Would they be sad that they died? Would they be happy that I killed them? How many different ways are there to kill someone? How creative can I get? At what point does it become inhumane? Is there a soul? Are they going to haunt me? Naturally I have many more questions but these are some examples. I also sometimes just see someone and imagine violently murdering them. For absolutely no reason. He hasn't done anything, and I don't hate him. I just like to play with the idea. Funnily enough, if I do dislike someone I don't want to kill them. I want them to suffer without anyone noticing, so they go insane in their own little bubble. They don't deserve death. They don't deserve that I murder them. But I'm not going to murder anyone because in my opinion it is not my place to decide who gets to live or die. I would murder in self defense, to protect me or what's mine. The bible allows it that way.

 

[mrpeter]

only if someone pisses me off

 

[dragonofenvy]

Had an absolutely horrible relationship with my mother, and at age 13 or 14 I think, came extremely close to doing so.

For context - this horrible relationship involved her almost choking me to death on two occasions, the last one I remember was when I was 11 because I didn't like how loud she was eating and she exploded at me for it. I tried locking myself in the bathroom but she threatened that if I didn't come out that I was going to be in even more trouble, which of course 11 year old me didn't want so I relented. The only reason I didn't die there was because my dad stopped her. There was other stuff too but I don't feel like talking about. That's how bad she was and what I was dealing with since birth.

So you could give moral arguments about how it was wrong for me to feel these things, but whether it was right or wrong, I think it was natural to feel them after such treatment.

 

[BecomingTired]

I've thought of it in moments of extreme depression when I was like 13-15 but it was more of teenage angst I think more than anything, never truly had a serious thought on it; I'm just a bit tired of life in general, and killing everyone who "wronged" me would only make me feel even worse.

I guess I don't truly hate any of them to that degree, just myself.

 

[Privateer2368]

If I thought I could get away with it I'd start working my way down my list with great enthusiasm.

I don't see killing those people as immoral, but it is illegal and that means consequences I'd rather avoid.