Discussion Have you changed much throughout your life do you think? Has ideation changed you?

[Forever Sleep]

I'm not sure I have much really. I was always a bit of an awkward, shy loner. I've pretty much always been a worrier and grumpy- although, ideation started early on. I think I used to be nicer. More patient. I've gradually got more selfish.

Ideation started so young for me- aged 10. So, there really isn't so much of a before and after. It became a part of my character really.

 

[TAW122]

I think in terms of change, I would say I've become more cautious about the dangers and sometimes even risk averse compared to my younger years where I wasn't as cautious and even reckless. As soon as I became an legal adult (18+ in the US), I've become more cautious about things and sometimes even plan ahead (at times, overthinking), and it was also around the time where I learned about the term 'euthanasia' and what it meant, ironically through an English/Writing class while in university.

So in the last decade or more, I've just more/less resigned to the fact that I've been coping mostly for most of my adult life, and while there are some short fleeting periods of time where I did enjoy myself, it wasn't worth the overall dread of sentience. I'm only coping and trying to make the most out of my current situation though I feel that someday in the future I will still likely CTB, just a matter of time and circumstance.

 

[Irisse]

Yes I have changed. I was depressed since I was 5 but didn't have ideation until a particular bullying incident at 12. Until I was 12 I was kind, pure and innocent. Later I am cold and judgemental, and I can be pretty mean if I want to. If only I were allowed to ctb, the world wouldn't miss my presence much.

 

[Hollowman]

I've completely changed. I started off in life an extroverted, happy well liked kid. Now I'm a introverted friendliness weirdo who visits this site daily. I should've ctb 34 years ago. I'm kind of like you, I'm trying to outlive my parent. I'm not sure I can.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

yes. i've changed a lot of my beliefs.

 

[Pluto]