Has being suicidal ever made you reckless?

[Meditation guide]

I speak from experience; being suicidal can make you do really dumb things so you screw up your life, and are still alive.
I've thought about suicide so much in the past that I didn't care what I did, how much I spent, how drunk I got, or anything else, and lived to regret it.
Now I keep reminding myself to keep focused on not going crazy and not destroying my life, while remaining alive.

I'm also aware I cannot trust psychiatrists, or any other professionals who supposedly are there to "help" me. They don't really care about me or what they say or do to me.
I'm vulnerable by being suicidal and it's a dangerous time for me, not from the idea of possibly ctb'ing, but from doing things that screw up my life even more. For example the idea of spending every cent I have so I'm broke and homeless isn't a good idea. It's not a sure thing that I will die, and I would then have to live with the
things I did that messed up my life even more. Can anyone relate to this?

 

[front of me]

Yes, self-destruction more and more

 

[Meditation guide]

Yes, self-destruction more and more

Exactly. Please don't do it whatever it is that you are thinking of doing that you wouldn't do ordinarily. I have made a mess of things in the past this way.

 

[snowlance]

When I'm suicidal, I usually start doing dangerous things, not purposefully but I just don't care. I'll do things like jaywalking without looking both ways, driving while high, once I drove far away from home, texting my family about wanting to not exist while I was driving, in the past I used to mess around on Grindr, and when I got super depressed I'd just go meet random guys, even though we didn't talk much or they seemed like they had bad intentions. This is how I got raped once and now I have a hard time with sexual experiences ever since. Pretty sure I would've died several times if I wasn't lucky.
In my eyes, I was at least worth something to someone, even if it was only sexually.

 

[Meditation guide]

Yes I can relate to what you wrote. I've been in life threatening situations too because I didn't care.

 

[Lulzacruel]

i remember when i was mega suicidal i would always commit lots of mischief in my neighborhood, even if it meant an owner could accidentally beat me up to death while trying to get me off his lawn. i mean like full on vandalism cuz i could.

i also had issues with irritability, i would basically be fuming if you even cut me in line or did anything wrong to me, major or minor.

i obviously better and i know how fucked up what i did was bad and i obviously dont support it.

worst time of my life

 

[d3j3ct3dl0s3r05]

oh totally. mostly in the form of destroying personal possessions, sabotaging academics or simply not looking both ways before crossing tbh

 

[uniqueusername987]

A little, mostly not caring when I realize a car is coming for me as I'm crossing the street etc. but I don't want to traumatize people with my death which is my main reason for caring. But a frequent thought I have is "good thing I don't care if I die" lol

 

[Meditation guide]

I'm too embarrassed to say the things I did when I was more depressed, and being put on a variety of psychiatric drugs just lowered my inhibitions even more. I realize the shrink took advantage of my depression to keep me coming back even though he knew he wasn't helping and actually making things much worse.

 

[SovietSuicide]

Yes I quit 2 jobs because I couldn't put up with what a normal person could probably endure for many years.

 

[HermitLonerGuy]

yeah i drive without the seatbelt on and turn off the lightswitch with wet hands now and i stare other men in the eyes , suicidal make me a reckless wild mfer innit

 

[namename555]

Yes, I gambled away over 80k at the casino the past few weeks.